


To Find A Home - Book One

by Kalliria



Series: To Find A Home [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Rewrite, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Reader-Insert, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-01
Updated: 2017-08-21
Packaged: 2018-11-22 00:59:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 13
Words: 52,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11369271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kalliria/pseuds/Kalliria
Summary: Y/N, daughter of Marcus Kane, is sent with the 100 to the ground. The quiet girl meets new faces and realizes the planet is more dangerous than it looked from the Ark.





	1. Chapter 1

Earth. From my cell’s small window, it looked even farther away than usual. As a child, I used to stare at the blue planet for hours on end, staring as clouds covered oceans and continents, dreaming of setting foot on the surface. I would draw forests, animals and mountains in the corners of my school books, so lost in thought I wouldn’t even hear the teacher yelling my name. My grandmother encouraged my longing for Earth. My father, not so much.

I sighed. It was no use dwelling on the past. Not that I had much else to do in my cell. I had been imprisoned for nearly a year, and still, I was surprised to wake up in it every morning.

I sat on the bed, grabbing the book I had been reading for the past week and flipped it open. On the page was the schematic of a handmade bow, one that I knew by heart but still spent hours staring at. All my books were about Earth, and mostly, about how to survive there. Never mind that I probably wouldn’t ever need to use them. My grandmother had given them to me, in the hope that I would one day pass on what I’d learnt to my child and in a few decades, my descendant would step on the surface armed with the knowledge of the entire Kane bloodline.

I knew how to scavenge plants and fruits, how to track prey and hunt, how to make traps, find water, build a fire…If the ground wasn’t soaked in radiation, I could survive there with ease. It was all theory, of course. The Ark wasn’t the best place to practice those skills.

Suddenly, the door to my cell opened. I stood and faced the wall, anticipating the guard’s orders. He was probably there for a routine check.

‘Prisoner 2-9-7, you have a visitor.’

I frowned. Visitation Day wasn’t until the end of the month, more than three weeks away. I’d been counting down the days, eager to see my grandmother again.

But what I saw when the guard stepped away wasn’t Vera Kane, with a kind smile on her face. It was someone else entirely.

‘Y/N,’ my father said.

I could only stare. I hadn’t seen my father in nearly three months. The last time, he had accompanied my grandmother and we’d spent twenty minutes staring in silence at the wall.

‘Leave us,’ he said to the guard. Usually, prisoners weren’t allowed to be left with visitors without supervision. But my father was Marcus Kane, second in command of the Ark and the guard left without a word, closing the door behind him.

‘You lost weight,’ my father said, breaking the silence. ‘Are they not feeding you enough?’

He wouldn’t look at me. His eyes went from the wall, to the window, to the bed but never on my face. My throat closed. After all this time, nothing had changed. He was still the same man who had sold me out to the guards and sent me to prison.

At night, when my thoughts escaped me and ran to my father, I remembered happier times. I remembered our small cabin in Tesla Station, the bed I shared with my grandmother and the table my mother used to tinker on. When my father was elected Councillor, he had been offered a better, roomier cabin on Alpha Station but had refused. He felt he didn’t deserve better lodgings just because he was higher in the hierarchy. He was a man of the people, a defender of the oppressed, a great husband and an even better dad.

And then, my mother had died.

‘Please, say something.’

I went back to the present, to my cold cell and my colder father.

‘What do you want me to say?’ I answered.

My tone was harsh and he flinched. The urge to apologize was strong, but I crushed it. He kept staring at the wall and anger took over.

‘Look at me,’ I ordered. I had inherited the Kane voice, strong and unwavering, the kind of voice that quieted crowds and started revolutions. It had never worked on my father before, but this time, his head snapped up. His eyes were full of pain, windows into his soul on an otherwise blank face.

I had my father’s spirit, but my mother’s looks. My grandmother had explained looking at me hurt him too much. I had been heartbroken at the time. Now, I was just tired.

‘I know you hate me,’ he said after a time. ‘I’ve accepted that.’

It was my turn to flinch. I didn’t hate him, not anywhere close. No matter how much I wanted to. But I couldn’t bring myself to correct him.

_He deserves to suffer,_ I thought.

‘I wish things were better between us,’ he continued. ‘I wish we had enough time to fix everything. But we only have a few minutes left.’

I breathed in sharply.

‘I’m not eighteen yet,’ was the only thing that came out of my mouth. In my mind, I could see the empty vacuum of space and my frozen, lifeless body floating away from the Ark. I didn’t want to die, not like this. I deserved better than that.

‘No, Y/N, you don’t understand,’ my father said, taking a step forward.

For a moment, I thought he was going to embrace me. But at the last second, he seemed to realize what he was doing and stopped.

‘You’re not getting executed. You’re going to Earth.’

* * *

I stood in a line with the other delinquents, staring at my shaky hands. My mind was a mess of emotions, alternating between terror and exhilaration. I was going to the ground. Home. The Council had elected to send the 100 prisoners from the Sky Box to Earth, after Dr Griffin, Councillor and best medic on the Ark, realized the radiations had dropped low enough for people to survive. And because no one would miss us if we died, they’d decided to make us their guinea pigs. My dad had argued against the entire thing, but I doubted it was for my sake. At least, he’d told me the news himself. That was something.

_‘You’re prepared,_ he’d said.  _You know how to hunt. I hope you won’t have to, but I’ve learned a long time ago not to rely on hope. Make a bow. Learn the terrain. And protect the others.’_

I had agreed, despite my fear. I was a Kane, and that meant doing whatever I could to keep humanity alive. Whatever the sacrifices. That was the one lesson from my father I would never give up.

As the line slowly moved on, I dragged my fingers across the brace on the inside of my inner arm. It was made of leather, one of the most valuable material on the Ark. Leaves were carved on the edges and a fox ran down the upper length. On the inside, in scrawny letters, were written six words in Polish, my grandmother’s mother tongue: ‘Jesteś radością mojego życia, mały lis.’

Tears in my eyes, I breathed in slowly. My family was supporting me, and that meant the world at the moment. My father hadn’t said anything when he had given it to me, but I knew he was the one who had found the leather. I wished I’d hugged him. My grudge felt stupid in the face of potential death.

On my other arm, a heavy metal wristband was pressing on my hand. I had been told it would transmit my vitals back to the Ark and I hoped that if I died, my father wouldn’t have to see it.

I passed him in the hallway and our eyes locked for a brief second before I had walked away. I was stopped by a guard, as the people in front of me climbed ladders and got into the drop ship. A few seconds later, another guard grabbed my arm.

‘Let’s go,’ he said.

He wasn’t gentle and I huffed, dragging a little just to express my irritation. His eyes met mine, annoyed. He was young, just a few years older than me, and seemed on edge. There was also something familiar about him but before I could ask if I knew him, he shoved me to a ladder on the other side of the dropship. I huffed but climbed when he ordered me to. However, when he followed me inside, I grew suspicious. Had my father demanded I had a personal escort? It didn’t seem likely.

The guard led me to seats in the back of the ship, almost entirely hidden and pushed me down.

‘Put your harness on.’

I did, under his watchful eye and even pulled on the straps, proving it was tight enough. But he still didn’t leave. Instead, he took off his jacket, stashed it behind my seat and sat down next to me. He strapped in as I gaped, keeping his head down. Like this, he looked like any other delinquent.

_He wants to get to the ground_ , I realized.

But why? Why would anyone risk it? What was he fleeing from that was so bad he would rather die by radiations? How had he even known the Hundred were being sent to Earth? From what I’d seen, the whole operation had been kept secret from the inhabitants of the Ark.

I could have screamed for the guards and have him arrested, but he didn’t look like he was a minor and even the smallest crime meant being floated on the Ark. I refused to be responsible for this man’s death.

He was looking at me, his dark brown eyes wary.

‘You can relax,’ I whispered. ‘I’m not going to say anything.’

‘Why not?’ he asked with a voice deeper than I expected. ‘You’re Kane’s daughter, aren’t you?’

‘So?’

He scoffed, but didn’t answer me. I didn’t take it personally. My father wasn’t popular on the Ark, and as his daughter, I’d taken my fair share of insults. What use would it be to explain to this guy that what my father had done had shocked me as much, if not more, than him? That every time he condemned someone to death, I would feel as if I’d pushed the button myself. That I could barely look at myself in the mirror and my nights were filled with the faces of all those he’d hurt in his quest to save the human race.

So, I stayed silent. A few minutes later, I heard the doors close and the ship was dropped into space with a great lurch that knocked my teeth together. I could feel how fast we were going and I couldn’t help the startled laugh that escaped me. The fake guard was tense, his eyes closed.

‘What’s your name?’ I asked after a while.

He stared at me in disbelief and for a moment, I thought he was going to ignore me.

‘Bellamy Blake,’ he said eventually.

To say I was surprised would be an understatement. Bellamy Blake had more reason to hate my father than most on the Ark. His mother, Aurora Blake, had broken the only child law and had had a daughter after Bellamy, Octavia. The child was kept hidden under the floor for nearly sixteen years before the guards discovered her. Aurora was floated by my father and Octavia sent to the Skybox. I’d seen her a few times, a quiet, lonely girl in the shadows.

Aurora and Octavia’s faces often haunted me in my nightmares.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said.

Bellamy scoffed, looking disgusted.

‘I don’t need your pity, Kane.’

‘That’s fair,’ I conceded. At least, I now knew why he wanted to go to Earth so bad. Octavia was part of the Hundred and she was probably somewhere in the drop ship. But there was still one thing left unclear. ‘Who helped you get on the dropship? You couldn’t have done it alone.’

His eyes snapped up, and for a second, I saw panic in them. But he quickly took back control and glared at me.

‘That’s none of your damn business.’

The conversation stopped there and I didn’t insist. Suddenly, the screens lit up and Chancellor Jaha appeared on them. I’d met the man a few times but my father didn’t like me near Alpha Station.

_‘These people are not like us, Y/N. I work with them, but for our people. The workers. Always remember that.’_

I wondered if he still thought that way. After all the workers he’d floated, I thought not.

‘Prisoners of the Ark, hear me now,’ Chancellor Jaha began on the screen. ‘You’ve been given a second chance. And as your Chancellor, it is my hope that you see this as not just a chance for you but a chance for all of us. Indeed, for mankind itself. We have no idea what is waiting for you down there. If the odds of survival were better, we would’ve sent others. Frankly, we’re sending you because your crimes have made you expendable.’

I had gathered as much, but it still wasn’t easy hearing it. I could hear angry shouts from all directions in the dropship. Like my father, Jaha wasn’t popular with the lower classes.

‘If, however, you do survive,’ Jaha continued, ’then those crimes will be forgiven. Your records wiped clean.’

Bellamy inhaled sharply and I turned to look at him. His face was pale, and he stared at Jaha with a haunted look in his eyes. I was curious, but I turned back to the screen.

‘The drop site has been chosen carefully,’ the Chancellor kept going. ‘Before the Last War, Mount Weather was a military base built within a mountain. It was to be stocked with enough non-perishables to sustain 300 people for up to two years. No one ever made it there. Because we could spare you no food, no water, no medicine, I cannot stress this enough. Mount Weather is life. You must locate those supplies immediately. You have one job, one responsibility: stay alive. Finally, I’m sure you’re wondering about those wristbands-

The ship lurched suddenly. I screamed, out of shock more than fear, and gripped my harness so tight my fingers hurt. Around me, people were screaming but I could barely see with the sparks flying and the flickering lights. Bellamy’s eyes were closed, his body tense. A tear ran down my cheek. I didn’t want to die, not like this.

But suddenly, it was over. The ship crashed to the ground and everyone stopped screaming. It took them a few seconds, but they all left their seats. Suddenly, I couldn’t wait to get out of the dropship, radiation or not. I almost ripped off my harness and made my way to the lower level, joining the crowd in front of the outer door.

‘Hey, just back it up!’ Bellamy said.

The crowd looked at him and I noticed he’d put the guard jacket back on. He was establishing himself as a figure of authority, and I wasn’t sure I liked it. Power-hungry people and dozens of teenagers put together in a potentially hostile world? That spelled disaster.

‘Stop!’ someone shouted.

I turned around and saw a blond girl step down a ladder. I recognized her immediately. She was Clarke Griffin, daughter of Dr Abby Griffin and alleged traitor. Like Jaha, I had met her a few times through my father’s work and we had actually gotten along when we were young. But our relationship had never went beyond playing hide and seek on Alpha Station and braiding each other’s hair.

I had known Clarke was in the Skybox but she was kept in isolation and I had never been able to see her. Not that I’d tried.

‘The air could be toxic,’ Clarke said, pushing through the crowd until she was right in front of Bellamy.

‘The air’s toxic, we’re all dead anyway,’ he answered.

He turned to open the door, but before he could put a hand on the lever, someone spoke.

‘Bellamy?’

A brown-haired girl that looked younger than me was staring at him. Octavia Blake. She made her way towards her brother as whispers broke out around her.

‘Oh, my God,’ Bellamy said with a soft smile on his face. ‘Look how big you are.’

Octavia hugged him tightly and he buried his face in her hair. I could still remember the day my father had told me about the Blakes. Marcus Kane only saw a bunch of criminals. I saw a woman brave enough to face death for her daughter, torn away from her children because the Ark didn’t allow mercy.

‘What the hell are you wearing?’ Octavia asked Bellamy, frowning. ‘A guard’s uniform?’

‘I borrowed it to get on the dropship. Someone’s gotta keep an eye on you.’

She hugged him again and he laughed.

‘Where’s your wristband?’ Clarke asked Bellamy.

‘Do you mind?’ Octavia said. ‘I haven’t seen my brother in a year.’

‘No one has a brother!’ A boy protested from the back of the room.

‘That’s Octavia Blake!’ A girl said. ‘The girl they found hidden in the floor!’

Octavia’s face contorted with anger and she lunged towards the girl but Bellamy caught her, easily restraining her.

‘Let’s give them something else to remember you by,’ he said.

‘Yeah, like what?’

‘Like being the first person on the ground in a hundred years.’

Bellamy turned around and put his hand on the lever. This was it. The moment that I had longed for my entire life. I could die, but at the moment, I didn’t care. I just wanted to feel the wind on my face.

The door opened, and all I could see was green. Luscious, vibrant green everywhere. My eyes adjusted to the light and I realized we were in a forest. The leaves rustled, the sky was blue and even the air tasted good. It was unbelievable.

Everyone was silent as Octavia walked towards the ground. She jumped down, and I held my breath.

‘We’re back, bitches!’ Octavia yelled.

The others ran forward, cheering, but I held back. I waited until everyone had left the dropship before finally stepping out. I wanted to savour it, my first step on the surface. My feet touched the ground, one after the other and I knelt, pressing my palms into the dirt. I’d never felt anything like it and for a brief second, I fought not to cry. I ran my fingers on the trunk of a tree, touched the leaves and smelled the flowers. It was everything I’d dreamed of and more.

I took my time and explored my surroundings. Enjoyed the new smells and sights. But after a while, all I’d learnt with my books came back to the front of my mind and I knew I had to get to work.

_I’ve got the theory,_ I thought.  _Time to put it in practice._

I needed to find water first. That was the priority. I came back to the camp, where I wasn’t surprised to see everyone arguing. From what I could hear, Mount Weather was pretty far away. Which meant we had no food. A fight broke out between Wells Jaha and another delinquent but I didn’t stick around. If we had no provisions, then water was even more important.

I walked into the woods and soon enough, I couldn’t hear the others. Everything I’d learnt until now had been words on pages but I was surprised to see how well I adapted. In a matter of minutes, I’d found deer tracks that appeared to be a few days old. I followed them, hoping it would lead me to a water source.

Along the way, I looked for dry pieces of wood. If the food from Mount Weather wasn’t available, we needed to hunt. And for that, I would need a bow. I knew how to make one, what sort of wood I needed and how to carve it. I just needed to find the right components.

With luck, the makeshift plastic one I’d had on the Ark had been enough practice and I would actually be able to shoot it. I could still remember the day my grandmother had brought it back to the cabin. She’d made it herself, and it had taken her months to find the parts. It had been ugly as hell but had done its job. I had done nothing but practice for almost a year.

Hours later, my search for water was fruitless but I’d found a piece of dry juniper that was the perfect length, thick at its centre and mostly free of knots. It was perfect. I couldn’t believe my luck.

Taking it back to the drop ship was a pain, and it was sunset by the time I got there. I silently thanked whoever had put leather gloves in the pockets of my jacket. Probably my father. I wouldn’t have to deal with blisters and splinters. I stored the wood in a quiet spot away from the other delinquents and went to find a piece of metal I could use as a knife. It wasn’t hard, the drop ship had taken some heavy damage. It took me some time, but I eventually managed to craft a secure and dangerously sharp knife. I also found some thin nylon rope that would work perfectly for the bow. I went back to my spot and got to work.

For five hours, I carved, and cut, and polished. I only stopped when my arms were screaming with exhaustion. It wasn’t done, not by any means, but I was happy with my progress. I leaned back against the trunk of a tree, resting for a few minutes.

‘Hey there, Sunshine. Where did you disappear off to today?’

My eyes snapped open and I saw Bellamy, standing in front of me with a smirk on his face. After the drop ship had landed, I’d figured he would leave me alone, too busy with his sister. Apparently, I’d been wrong.

‘That’s none of your business. And why the hell did you call me Sunshine, anyway?’

‘Because of your sunny complexion, what else. Seriously, Kane. Would it kill you to smile?’

‘Would it kill you to leave me alone?’

‘Seriously, where were you?’

I thought about ignoring him, but what was the point. It wasn’t as if I had anything to hide.

‘I was looking for a water source. I couldn’t find anything though.’

Bellamy nodded and gestured at the unfinished bow.

‘And this?’

‘After it’s finished, this is what’s going to feed all of us.’

‘Do you even know how to use it?’

I glared at him and he chuckled.

‘Bellamy, was there something you wanted?’ I asked, annoyed.

‘Yeah, actually. I want you to take off that wristband.’

‘What?’

He looked me in the eyes, and I realized that he was dead serious. I sprang to my feet, cradling my wrist protectively.

‘What the hell, Bellamy? I’m not taking that off!’

‘Why not? Everyone else is.’

A sense of dread filled me. I started running, ignoring Bellamy’s calls. The others were gathered around a bonfire, cheering as Murphy and another boy I didn’t know ripped the wristband off a girl’s arm. I could see several wristbands burning in the fire.

I stared in horror as Bellamy caught up to me.

‘You’re killing us,’ I whispered.

‘No. I’m liberating us.’

I threw him the darkest look I could muster but he was staring at the fire, grinning.

‘Alright, who’s next?’ he yelled.

‘What the hell are you doing?’ Wells yelled as he broke through the crowd.

‘It’s like I told Little Miss Sunshine over there,’ Bellamy answered, gesturing at me. ‘We’re liberating ourselves. What does it look like?’

‘It looks like you’re trying to get us all killed! The communication system is dead. These wristbands are all we’ve got. Take them off and the Ark will think we’re dying, that it’s not safe to follow.

‘That’s the point, Chancellor. We can take care of ourselves. Can’t we?’

The crowd cheered and I scoffed. Bellamy smirked at me in response, and I felt my blood boil.

‘Think this is just a game?’ Wells said. “Those aren’t just our friends and our parents up there. They’re our farmers, our doctors, our engineers. I don’t care what he tells you. We won’t survive here on our own. And besides, if it really is safe, how could you not want the rest of our people to come down?

Bellamy looked at Wells, his face calm. But in his eyes, I could see anger. And that scared me.

‘My people already are down,’ he said. ‘Those people locked my people up. Those people…killed my mother for the crime of having a second child. Your father did that.’

_So did mine_ , I thought. But I wasn’t about to remind him of that.

‘My father didn’t write the laws.’

‘No, he enforced them. But not anymore. Not here. Here, there are no laws. Here, we do whatever the hell we want, whenever the hell we want. Now, you don’t have to like it, Wells. You can even try to stop it, change it, kill me. You know why? Whatever the hell we want.’

‘Whatever the hell we want!’ Murphy yelled.

The crowd started chanting, while Wells and Bellamy stared each other down. Meanwhile, my mind was working fast. It was no use trying to convince the others of keeping the bracelets. Bellamy knew how to work a crowd and he had them in the palm of his hand. What I could do, however, was be useful to them. If I finished my bow and brought back food, found a water source or taught them how to survive, they would realize they needed me. And that, hopefully, would make them listen. If I had to bribe them to make them keep the wristbands, I would. I wasn’t a Kane for nothing.

I was so lost in thought, I almost didn’t feel the rain on my face. Gasping, I raised my head and laughed. This was amazing. I knew I should be collecting it, but I couldn’t care about anything at the moment, not when I’d dreamed of feeling the rain on my face for seventeen years.

Across the fire, Bellamy stared at me. I was a threat, the daughter of a man he hated but at that moment, watching me grinning in the rain, all he could do was smile.

* * *

Jesteś radością mojego życia, mały lis = You are the joy of my life, little fox. 


	2. Chapter 2

I woke up with the first rays of the sun, and for a moment, I admired the way the morning dew made everything around me shine. The others were sleeping heavily, snoring under the relative shelter of the trees. A few had slept in the drop ship but most, like myself, had wanted to stay under the stars. We had been locked up in a metal prison since we were born. It wasn’t hard to understand why we wanted to stay outside.

I got up, stepping over people as I made my way to where I’d left my bow. I wanted to finish it today, hopefully before noon. In such a small amount of time, it wouldn’t be pretty but I didn’t have time for finesse. I was hungry.

I had been working for a little less than an hour when Charlotte, the youngest delinquent, sat down next to me. I had noticed her on the first day, a quiet girl who stayed away from the others. How old was she, twelve, thirteen? She was still a kid, and yet, the Council had decided she was old enough to be sent to Earth.

‘That looks cool,’ Charlotte said, her voice barely audible. She was looking at the bow.

‘You think so?’ I smiled. ‘Maybe you should make one too.’

Charlotte’s eyes widened.

‘But I don’t know how.’

I stopped carving and turned, facing her. She looked scared, but there was longing in her expression too. A kind of loneliness I knew too well. She wanted to fit in, but she didn’t know how. Maybe I could help.

‘Let’s make a deal. After I’ve finished mine, I’ll make you your own bow. All you have to do in exchange is find me sticks I can carve into arrows. What do you say?’

Charlotte agreed eagerly and after I described the kind of sticks I needed, she took off. By the time she returned, I was finished with the bow, I’d tied the string and was doing some last-minute adjustments. Most of the sticks Charlotte had brought back were perfect, and she’d even collected stones that could be used as arrow heads once sharpened enough.

‘This is fantastic,’ I said. ‘Thanks, Charlotte. Here, we’ll make the arrows together. This way, you’ll be able to make your own.’

Charlotte paid attention to each of my word as I taught her how to carve the arrows, her eyes watching my hands intently. She didn’t talk much but I found myself enjoying her company as we worked. It was obvious she didn’t have the best beginning in life and she was terrified down there. And, I decided there and then, she was my responsibility now.

Two hours later, we had a nice number of arrows. Eager to try my bow, we went away from camp. I checked everything was functional, if not perfect, and made sure there wasn’t anyone in the woods so I wouldn’t accidentally shoot someone.

‘Alright,’ I said. ‘This can either go really well, or really bad.’

I nocked the arrow and drew the bow, my arms burning pleasantly at the effort. I hadn’t been sure I would be strong enough, but my daily fitness sessions in my cell had paid off.

Breathing evenly, I looked at my target, an oak tree that was a hundred yards away. In theory, the bow I’d made could send an arrow more than twice that distance but I’d decided to start small. I quieted my mind, breathed out, and released the arrow.

It sunk right into the oak’s trunk.

I laughed, breathless with joy and Charlotte grinned beside me. My makeshift bow on the Ark had been ridiculous in comparison. This was the real deal. I went to get the arrow back and chatted excitedly with Charlotte on the way. I would start on her bow as soon as I could.

‘I’ll make you a smaller, lighter one. It won’t shoot as far but it will still be deadly. We’re going to have to train a lot before you can hope to reach your target, though. I hope you’re ready for it.’

She assured me she was and I smiled. As we stepped inside the camp, however, not everyone was in as good a mood as we were. Wells and Bellamy were back at it again, arguing in front of the dropship.

‘Christ, can’t they take a break,’ I muttered. ‘Charlotte, why don’t you go get some rest? You worked hard today.’

She didn’t need to be told twice and she scampered off. I approached the boys, bow still in hand, but I drew short when I realized Bellamy was shirtless. I wasn’t an innocent, far from it, but it had been a while since I’d had an occasion to appreciate a man’s body.

‘Like what you see, Sunshine?’ Bellamy called, grinning.

‘Definitely,’ I answered, refusing to be shamed. ‘You’re the prettiest boy in camp, Blake.’

He threw back his head and laughed loudly.

‘See?’ he told Wells. ‘Even Kane has a better sense of humour than you. You need to relax, Chancellor.’

Wells, a sour look on his face, glared at Bellamy.

‘These clothes should go to the people who need it. It’s common sense.’

‘We’re not on the Ark anymore. Your father’s rules no longer apply.’

He took a shirt out of Wells’ arms and Wells lunged at him, although he was stopped almost immediately by Atom.

‘Oh, no, no, Atom,’ Bellamy protested with a smirk. ‘Atom, hold up.’

Atom let Wells go and Bellamy stepped towards him.

‘You want it back?’ he said, holding up the shirt. ‘Take it.’

‘Really?’ I scoffed. ‘What are you, five?’

They ignored me completely and stared each other down for a few seconds. Then, Wells turned and dropped the rest of the clothes, uncaring that people scrambled to take them.

‘Is this what you want?’ Wells asked. ‘Chaos?’

‘What’s wrong with a little chaos?’ Bellamy answered, slipping on his shirt. I firmly crushed the part of my brain that was disappointed with him getting dressed.

I had just turned to leave, since they didn’t look like they were going to kill each other, when I heard a girl scream. My instinct took over and I ran towards the sound. Murphy was holding a girl above the fire, her face so close to the flames she was sweating heavily. Although, that might have been from fear.

‘Bellamy!’ Murphy called. ‘Check it out, we want the Ark to think that the ground is killing us, right? Figured it’d look better if we suffer a bit first.’

I felt my blood boil. Quickly, I nocked an arrow and drew, aiming at Murphy’s head. But Wells got there first, shoving Murphy away, who let the girl go.

‘You can stop this,’ Wells told Bellamy.

‘Stop this? I’m just getting started.’

Murphy suddenly lunged at Wells, punching him. The crowd started cheering them on as they threw punch after punch. Wells quickly took the upper hand. He knocked Murphy down and gave him one last blow to the head. Wincing, he got up and looked at Bellamy desperately.

‘Don’t you see you can’t control this?’

I had been looking at Murphy and I saw him reach for a knife. Quickly, I ran and kicked it out of his hand. I drew the bow once more.

‘Let it go, Murphy. It’s over.’

‘Oh, come on, Sunshine!’ Bellamy said behind me. ‘You’re ruining all the fun.’

‘You and I have a different idea of fun, Blake. Mine doesn’t involve murder.’

He laughed and I turned my head around, glaring at him. That had been a mistake.

Murphy tripped me with his leg and I crashed to the ground hard, wincing as the wind was knocked out of me. Before I could react, his hands were pressing on my throat and all I could see was his face above mine, contorted in anger. I felt as if my head was going to explode. But as soon as it had started, it was over. Murphy was pulled of me and I coughed, throat burning. Someone I later recognized as Wells helped me up and as I looked at Murphy, I saw Bellamy holding him down.

Everyone was silent, and when a voice rang out, we all heard it.

‘What the hell is going on?’

We all turned to see Clarke and Finn approaching. Behind them, Monty was helping Octavia walk down the hill. The group had gone to Mount Weather the day before, hoping to find the food Chancellor Jaha had promised. It wasn’t hard to see they’d come back empty handed.

Bellamy, however, only had eyes for his sister. He yelled her name and took Monty’s place at her side.

‘Are you alright?’

‘Yeah,’ she answered, but her wince said otherwise.

‘Where’s the food?’ he asked the others.

‘We didn’t make it to Mount Weather.’

‘Why not?’ I asked, my voice hoarse. ‘What happened?’

‘We were attacked,’ Clarke replied.

‘Attacked? By what?’

‘Not what, who,’ Finn answered. ‘Turns out, when the last man from the ground died on the Ark…he wasn’t the last Grounder.’

‘Are you telling us there are people out there?’ I asked, voice rising despite myself. ‘And they’re hostile?’

Clarke nodded grimly and I gripped my bow tighter. This changed everything. We weren’t safe. I had a thought to this morning, when I’d sent a twelve-year-old girl alone in the woods to get  _sticks_. I searched the crowd and the relief I felt at seeing Charlotte there nearly overwhelmed me.

‘Everything we thought we knew about the ground is wrong,’ Clarke was saying. ‘There are people here. Survivors. The good news is that means we can survive. Radiation won’t kill us.’

‘Yeah, the bad news is the Grounders will,’ Finn added.

‘Where’s the kid with the goggles?’ Wells asked.

I remembered there had been another guy with them, and felt a little guilty I hadn’t even noticed he wasn’t with them.

‘Jasper was hit. They took him,’ Clarke answered darkly. She looked at Wells and her eyes fell to his wrist. ‘Where’s your wristband?’

‘Ask him,’ Wells said, nodding at Bellamy.

‘How many?’ Clarke asked.

‘Twenty-four and counting,’ Murphy drawled. His face was messed up and he was rubbing his hand, the knuckles bloody. I shivered.

‘You idiots,’ Clarke breathed out. ‘Life support on the Ark is failing!’

I inhaled sharply. Suddenly, the changes in my father made perfect sense. He had been ruthless, floating people left and right. Actively seeking out criminals. I had been horrified at his actions, but if he’d been trying to save air, I could understand. I didn’t approve, but I could finally comprehend his motives.

‘That’s why they brought us down here,’ Clarke confirmed. ‘They need to know the ground is survivable again and we need their help against whoever is out there. If you take off your wristbands, you’re not just killing them! You’re killing us.’

All I could think about was my family. My grandmother didn’t deserve to die this way, and my father didn’t either, no matter what had happened between us. They were the two people closest to me, the people who had raised me, cared for me.

I couldn’t let the others take off their wristbands. Not if it meant the death of my family.

But apparently, Bellamy felt differently.

‘We’re stronger than you think,’ He addressed the crowd. ‘Don’t listen to her. She’s one of the privileged. If they come down, she’ll have it good. How many of you can say the same? We can take care of ourselves! That wristband on your arm, it makes you a prisoner. We are not prisoners anymore! They say they’ll forgive your crimes. I say you’re not criminals! You’re fighters. Survivors. The Grounders should worry about us!’

The crowd cheered but I couldn’t help it. I scoffed. Bellamy turned to face me, his face dark.

‘Something funny, Sunshine?’

‘Oh no,’ I said, low enough that only he would hear. ‘Please, keep going. Tell them of how great and powerful they are. Because you know what I see? I see a bunch of kids, stupid enough to believe they stand a chance against Grounders. Look at us. We have no food, no water, not even proper clothing. The only weapons we have are a bunch of makeshift knives. Not to mention the fact that there’s only a hundred of us. We’re facing people who have been here for decades, if not more. They know the land, they can fight and most importantly, they know how to survive here. We don’t.’

‘We’ll learn.’

‘It’ll be too late. We need the Ark, Bellamy. But it doesn’t have to be black and white. We need the rest of our people to survive, yes, but we don’t have to obey them. Down here, every life matters. They can’t float us for disagreeing with them. We could build something new, something that’s fair to everyone. Do you really want to start our new lives with a mass genocide?’

He looked at me, and I could see my words hadn’t reached him. My face fell.

‘If that’s what it takes to be free,’ he said, ‘then yes.’

I left without a word and realized Clarke and Monty were ahead of me. I jogged to catch up to them.

‘Are you going after Jasper?’ I asked.

They nodded.

‘Count me in.’

* * *

We had agreed to meet near the camp’s entrance in a few minutes so I hurried to the makeshift tent I shared with Charlotte. She was inside, waiting for me.

‘You’re going after Jasper, aren’t you?’ she asked with a frown.

‘Yeah. They need me.’

‘What if there are Grounders?’

‘I’ll shoot them,’ I smiled. I didn’t feel near as confident as I appeared, but I hoped Charlotte wouldn’t catch on. ‘Trust me, it will be fine. But I want you to stay inside the camp, alright? It’s not safe outside.’

‘I will. Oh, and you should probably take this with you.’

She reached behind her and handed me a bundle of arrows. There were at least fifteen of them, perfectly carved and deadly looking.

‘Oh my god, Charlotte, did you make those? They’re perfect!’

‘It wasn’t hard,’ she said, but she was blushing.

‘Thank you. These will definitely help.’

I put the arrows in my improvised quiver and hugged Charlotte, trying to ignore the pang in my chest. I left quickly and joined Clarke and Monty at the camp’s entrance. They had Wells with them, which wasn’t surprising. What did surprise me was that Bellamy and Murphy were there as well.

‘Oh fantastic!’ Murphy drawled. ‘Robin Hood’s coming too.’

‘Careful, Murphy. I haven’t practiced a lot with a real bow. Who knows where my arrows will end up?’

He scoffed, but didn’t say anything else so I counted that as a victory. We started walking, the ever-present threat of Grounders on our minds. I couldn’t even bring myself to enjoy the scenery. Clarke was going fast, and Bellamy and Murphy started lagging.

‘Hey, hold up!’ Bellamy said after a while, gun in hand. ‘What’s the rush? You don’t survive a spear through the heart.’

‘Put the gun away, Bellamy!’ Wells said.

Murphy grabbed Wells by his shirt.

‘Why don’t you do something about it?’

‘Jasper screamed when they moved him,’ Clarke answered Bellamy, ignoring Murphy and Wells. ‘If the spear struck his heart, he would’ve died instantly. Doesn’t mean we have time to waste.’

Bellamy suddenly seized Clarke’s wrist.

‘As soon as you take this wristband off, we can go. You too, Sunshine,’ he said, looking at me.

‘Keep dreaming, Blake.’

‘The only way the Ark will think we’re dead, is if we’re dead,’ Clarke said. ‘Got it?’

‘Brave princess,’ Bellamy mocked.

A branch suddenly cracked behind us and we turned around to see Finn had joined us. Clarke’s face was blank but I could see the joy in her eyes.

‘Why don’t you find your own nickname?’ Finn said. ‘You call this a rescue party? Gotta split up, cover more ground. Clarke, come with me.’

They headed off, and Wells looked longingly after Clarke.

‘He’s right,’ he said eventually. ‘We should split up as well. Y/N-’

‘Will come with me,’ Bellamy interrupted. ‘Ain’t that right, Sunshine?’

‘Sure, Blake. I can’t wait to see what evil plan you’ve concocted to take off my wristband. Let’s go.’

Chuckling, he followed me and we left Wells with Murphy. Neither of them seemed happy about it but I doubted they’d fight.

Bellamy veered right and I followed, staring at the ground to see if I could pick up any tracks that would lead us to Jasper. But all I could see were the prints animals had left behind.

‘It’s too bad we’re not here to hunt,’ I said. ‘A boar went through here not long ago.’

‘How do you know?’

‘Look, you can see it in the mud.’

I knelt and pointed at the tracks.

‘It rained recently, so the boar must have passed after. It should be close.’

‘Well, if you see it, shoot it. I would give anything for some meat.’

My stomach growled on cue. I hadn’t eaten in a long time. But it seemed luck was on our side, because as we passed an oak tree, I found blueberries. Grinning, I ran to the bush and picked one. It came off easily and I popped it in my mouth, moaning at the taste.

‘You have to try these, it’s amazing.’

Bellamy picked one off too and ate without hesitation. He immediately ate another. We picked as much as we could carry, and I was struck with how nice it was to share something so simple with Bellamy. Right then, he wasn’t an anarchist jerk. He was just a hungry guy in a forest. I could learn to like this side of him.

‘So, how’d you learn all this stuff?’ he asked.

‘My grandmother had all of these books about hunting, foraging and tracking. We used to read them together. When I was sent to the Sky Box, she gave them to me so I wouldn’t be bored.’

‘She seems nice.’

‘She is. Did you know she’s the only person who speaks three languages on the Ark?’

That had been one of the disaster of the Great War. Almost every language besides English was now nearly lost. My grandmother spoke Polish and French and even though she had tried to teach me, I was barely able to understand a few words.

‘That’s impressive,’ Bellamy said, looking completely honest. ‘And that’s the woman who raised your father? What the hell went wrong?’

I glared at him, not dignifying that with an answer.

‘Oh, come on, Sunshine! I was just teasing.’

I walked away, ignoring his laughter. Eventually, he came back to my side, serious once again.

‘Come on, let’s go. We still need to find Jasper.’

I followed him and before long, we joined the others. Neither of us talked about the berries, or the almost nice conversation we’d had. Now that we were back with the group, it seemed unreal that we’d been so amicable just minutes before.

‘Hey, how do we know this is the right way?’ Murphy complained after we’d walked for a while.

‘We don’t,’ Bellamy answered. ‘The spacewalker thinks he’s a tracker.’

‘The spacewalker was the only one who saw that broken branch back there,’ I said. I’d missed it completely, but Finn had a sharp eye.

‘It’s called cutting sign,’ Wells said. ‘Fourth year Earth skills. He’s good.’

‘You wanna keep it down or should I paint a target on your backs?’ Finn whispered.

He stopped as we neared yet another broken twig and knelt.

‘Is that blood?’ I asked, leaning over his shoulder.

Finn nodded. ‘Seems we’re on th-’

A loud moan interrupted him, coming from deep into the woods.

‘What the hell was that?’ Murphy asked.

‘Now would be a good time to take out that gun,’ Clarke said. ‘And that bow.’

I nocked an arrow and followed as we headed towards the moans. But nothing could have prepared me for what I saw there.

‘Jasper,’ Clarke gasped.

He was shirtless, tied with vines to an ancient tree in the middle of a clearing. There wasn’t anyone in sight, but it was obvious the Grounders had put him there. The whole scene was eerie and I shivered.

‘Oh my God, Jasper…’ Clarke repeated. ‘Jasper!’

I let the others step forward. I kept a careful eye on our surroundings, aware that Grounders might be nearby.

‘What the hell is this?’ I heard Bellamy say, right before Clarke disappeared down a hole. Bellamy caught her and started pulling her up after a few seconds, the others running to help. My heart was racing in my chest.

‘You okay?’ Finn asked Clarke.

‘Yeah. We need to get him down.’

‘I’ll climb up there and cut the vines,’ Finn said.

‘Yeah, I’m with you,’ Wells said.

‘No. Stay with Clarke.’ Finn replied before glancing at Bellamy. ‘And watch him.’

‘There’s a poultice on his wound,’ Clarke noticed.

‘Medicine?’ Wells asked. ‘Why would they save his life just to string him as live bait?’

‘Maybe what they’re trying to catch likes its dinner breathing,’ Bellamy replied.

‘Maybe what they’re trying to catch is us,’ Finn added.

‘Maybe we should worry about getting him down and get the hell out of this place,’ I said.

Murphy climbed the tree with Finn and they began working on the vines around Jasper. They had been up in the tree for a few minutes when a strange noise came from the bushes.

‘What the hell was that?

‘Grounders?’

It wasn’t grounders. It was a panther, and as it crouched on the ground, I realized we were dinner. I nocked an arrow, drew the string and aimed. I’d never shot a moving target before, but my life was at stake. I released the string and my arrow embedded itself in the panther’s leg. It yelped, but still lunged towards us.

‘Bellamy, gun!’ Clarke yelled.

A shot rang out, but it wasn’t Bellamy who had fired. I shot another arrow, this one hitting its thigh. Wells kept shooting as the panther disappeared in the bushes. Suddenly, it jumped, heading straight for Bellamy. I released my arrow as Wells fired his last bullet. Both hit the beast and it collapsed, dead.

We all stood in silence, hearts racing. Finally, Jasper moaned and broke the spell. As Finn and Murphy finished cutting the vines, I approached the panther. I knelt and yanked my arrows out. One of them was broken, but the others were intact. I wiped them on the grass and put them back in my quiver.

‘That was a good shot,’ Bellamy said. ‘You aren’t kidding around with this thing.’

‘I never am,’ I replied with a smile. ‘We should take this back. Looks like we’ll have meat on the menu tonight after all.’

The boys managed to bring Jasper safely down from the tree and used Wells’ parachute to carry the panther. It was a long walk but our success made it seem easy. As we finally reached camp, Clarke set off to help Jasper. I focused on the food. As far as I knew, I was the only one who knew how to skin game. I did it slowly and made sure to show others around me how it was done. They needed to learn. I set the bones apart to use for arrows, and as the meat slowly roasted over the fire, I finally allowed myself to relax. I couldn’t see Charlotte and set off to search for her. The young girl was asleep in our tent, a few sharpened stones next to her. She’d been trying to make arrow heads. Smiling, I examined one.

‘Not bad,’ I whispered.

I decided to wait a little for Charlotte to wake up before we went to get our food. But in the half-hour since I’d left, everything had gone wrong.

‘What the hell is this?’ I said.

The delinquents stood in a line before the fire. One after the other, they took off their wristbands and then were given food. Bellamy and Murphy controlled the entire thing.

 _I should have known,_  I thought.

‘They’re not going to give us food, are they?’ Charlotte asked desperately.

‘Like hell they’re not. Stay here.’

Furious, I marched right up to Bellamy.

‘Hey there, Sunshine,’ he grinned. ‘Want some food?’

‘You’re despicable. I thought you hated the Ark. And yet here you are, sanctioning people just because they don’t agree with you. Maybe we should call you Chancellor.’

He flinched. I stared at him, my eyes unwavering and without another word, grabbed two pieces of meat from the fire. Bellamy didn’t move.

‘You saved my life,’ he said. ‘I’ll let you get away with this. Just once.’

‘We’ll see about that.’

Ignoring his eyes boring into the back of my head, I marched back to Charlotte and gave her the meat.

I would never take off my wristband. Bellamy Blake would just have to deal with it.


	3. Chapter 3

I loved hunting. The patience it required, the thrill of the chase, the few seconds of breathless anticipation before the arrow hit…I loved it all. But the best part was always the cheers of the others when I brought back the meat. I had finally found my place in the world and I enjoyed it immensely.

Ever since the panther, I’d gone to the woods whenever I could and even though most of what I caught were rabbits and squirrels, there was still the occasional boar. With Charlotte’s help, I had also built traps and scattered them in the nearby woods. She would check them once every day and from what I could tell, she loved her job. Now, people actually knew her name and talked to her. She was far from happy, but we were getting there.

The fact that I’d started on her bow helped as well. I was busy so it was slow going but Charlotte didn’t mind. She had told me she would rather I go slow so she could learn how to make one herself. It also distracted her from the nightmares that plagued her every night. She refused to tell me what they were about, so the best I could do was keep her busy during the day and hold her at night.

As for Jasper, he wasn’t doing good. His moans of pain kept the entire camp on edge, myself included, and I often took hunting as an excuse to get away from the sound.

‘It’s horrible,’ Charlotte said as she walked next to me. We’d been checking the traps in the woods and had found two rabbits so far. ‘Do you think he’s going to die?’

‘Of course not. He’ll be right as rain in a few days, you’ll see.’

She shot me a doubtful look.

‘Are you lying to make me feel better?’

‘Maybe. Is it working?’

‘Maybe.’

I laughed and we kept on chatting as we went. I had forgotten how good it felt to have a friend. Obviously, I had never had a sister, but I imagined it was a little like what I had with Charlotte. Maybe I would ask Bellamy.

Since the incident with the wristbands, I gave the food to a few people I trusted and oversaw the entire process. With Clarke and Finn’s support, there was nothing Bellamy and Murphy could do to stop us from feeding people who still had their wristbands. Bellamy had been sour about it for a while but he knew when a battle was lost. Since then, we’d gone back to teasing each other as often as we could. I wouldn’t say we were friends, but we weren’t enemies either. We stood somewhere in the middle, still wary of each other but willing to make it work for survival’s sake.

‘Look, it’s Bellamy!’ Charlotte said suddenly, pointing at the man in question.

Him and a few of the others were standing a hundred yards away, their backs to us, weapons in hand. They appeared to be hunting.

‘Stay here,’ I told Charlotte. ‘I’ll check it out.’

I whistled softly, warning them I was coming so I wouldn’t get a spear in the chest, and approached as quietly as I could. Bellamy pointed in front of him and when I leaned down, I could see a female boar sniffing at the ground. I went to nock an arrow but Bellamy grabbed my arm, stopping me.

‘She’s mine,’ he whispered, gripping his hatchet tightly. I rolled my eyes but let go of my arrow. Men.

Suddenly, a branch snapped behind us and Bellamy turned swiftly, throwing the hatchet. It lodged itself into a tree. Right next to the trunk, Charlotte stood, terrified.

The boar fled and I heard the others chase it, but I couldn’t care less. I was livid.

‘Are you insane?!’ I yelled, right into Bellamy’s face. ‘You could have killed her! You didn’t even look!’

Bellamy opened his mouth, ready to protest, but I had already turned to Charlotte.

‘And you! I told you to stay back! When you see people with weapons, you don’t sneak up on them! Christ, Charlotte…’

‘I’m sorry,’ she said, tears in her eyes. ‘I didn’t mean to.’

I sighed and engulfed her in a hug, my heart racing in my chest. I couldn’t believe I had been so close to losing her.

‘Never again, you hear me?’ I said.

She nodded against my chest. Atom joined us, shaking his head.

‘There are Grounders out there. It’s too dangerous for a little girl.’

‘I’m not little,’ Charlotte protested as she pulled away from me. I couldn’t help but smile.

‘Okay, then,’ Bellamy said with a smirk. ‘But you can’t hunt without a weapon.’

‘I have a bow. Or I will, when Y/N finishes it.’

Bellamy looked at me, chuckling.

‘Another Robin Hood? Really, Sunshine?’

I grinned and put my arm around Charlotte’s shoulders.

‘Better watch out, Blake. In a few days, we’ll bring back more meat than your little group ever has.’

‘Wanna bet? Ever killed something before, Charlotte?’

She shook her head.

‘Who knows?’ Bellamy smiled. ‘Maybe you’re good at it. Here, take this. Until Kane finishes your bow.’

He handed her a knife and she took it, blushing. It wasn’t a bad one either and had obviously been sharpened with care. Probably by Bellamy himself.

‘Alright, Charlotte,’ I said. ‘Let’s get back to work.’

She waved to Bellamy and Atom and we turned around, but before we could take a single step, the sound of a horn echoed throughout the forest. I froze, looking around in confusion.

‘What the hell was that?’ I asked.

‘No idea,’ Bellamy answered. ‘We should get back to camp. Come on.’

He started walking but Atom stopped him, grabbing his arm.

‘Wait. Look,’ he said, pointing at the sky.

Hundreds of birds were flying in the same direction, chirping loudly. I looked at the ground and saw mice and insects fleeing as well.

‘We have to go, now,’ I said, reaching for Charlotte’s hand.

‘Why?’ she asked as she took it.

I didn’t answer, too shocked to talk. Two hundred yards away, a yellow fog had erupted from the trees and was heading straight for us. I didn’t know what it was, but at the moment, I didn’t care. All I knew was that I needed to go. But when I tried to run, my legs didn’t move. I couldn’t even breathe properly. Had I been alone, I would have let the fog reach me without doing anything. But I wasn’t alone. Charlotte tugged on my hand and yelled my name, knocking me out of my daze. Bellamy grabbed her other hand and we started running away from the fog. Charlotte wasn’t as fast as we were but we pulled her along, almost making her fly between each step.

‘Come on!’ Bellamy yelled. ‘There are caves this way!’

The fog was gaining on us and my skin burned from where I had touched it. After what seemed like forever, we reached a vine-covered rock. When Bellamy pushed the plants out of the way, I could see a hollow in the stone. I pushed Charlotte inside before entering myself, Bellamy right behind us. The cave was small and any light that might have brightened it was obscured by the fog, but it was safe and that was all I cared about. The best part was the small pond, barely wide enough for one person. I took off my jacket and plunged my arms deep inside the water, sighing in relief as the burning eased.

‘Charlotte, come on. This helps.’

Neither of us cared about intimacy at this moment. All we cared about was getting the pain to stop. Bellamy had the worst burns on his hands but he didn’t complain, barely letting out a sigh of relief as he put them in the water.

‘Where’s Atom?’ I asked, realizing he hadn’t followed us inside.

‘I don’t know,’ Bellamy answered, his face blank. Despite the whole thing with Octavia, Atom was Bellamy’s friend. I hoped he was okay, holed up in some cave like the rest of us.

I focused on helping Charlotte get comfortable. There was a small alcove in the stone and she sat there, Bellamy’s jacket around her shoulders.

‘How long do we have to stay here?’ she asked.

‘I don’t know,’ I answered. ‘At least until tomorrow. Maybe longer.’

She nodded without another word and I was once again surprised at how brave she was. At her age, I would have been panicking.

We talked for hours, whispering as if we were scared the fog would hear us. Eventually, Charlotte started yawning repeatedly and I told her to sleep. As always, she tried to fight the fatigue, probably scared of her nightmares, but she was too tired. In a matter of minutes, she was asleep.

‘You’re good with the kid,’ Bellamy said after some time. He hadn’t said a word for hours. ‘How long have you been taking care of her?’

‘Since the day we landed. But don’t make any mistakes. She takes care of me.’

‘Still. I hadn’t pegged you for the motherly type.’

‘Guess I’m full of surprises.’

He laughed, careful not to wake up Charlotte.

‘And here I thought you were just one of the privileged,’ he said.

‘I grew up on Tesla station, in a cabin smaller than this cave with three other people. I’d hardly call that privileged.’

‘So why do you insist on keeping the wristband, then?’

His tone was casual and I knew he wasn’t threatening me. Like with the blueberries in the woods, there was a kind of truce in this cave. So, I told him.

‘I keep it for my family.’

‘I thought you hated your father.’

‘We don’t get along, and I don’t approve of what he’s done. But he’s still my dad. And he wasn’t always this…cold and calculating. He used to be a great father.’

‘That’s hard to believe.’

‘It’s true, though. Did you know he refused to have a better cabin than the workers at Tesla Station? He didn’t feel it was right to be given more just because he was Councillor. He was a great man. He cared about people, did everything he could to help them.’

‘What changed?’

‘My mom died.’

Thinking about my mother used to be impossible for me. The pain was so intense, I would just try to forget I even had a mother. But over the years, as my father changed for the worse, I held on to memories of Eleanor Kane, finding comfort in remembering her and all the happiness she brought into my life.

Bellamy was silent next to me, staring at his hands. Maybe he was thinking of his own mother. Whom my father had floated.

‘How did she die?’ he finally asked.

‘She was an electrical engineer. There was an accident and she tried to fix it before it would kill everyone in the station. She didn’t make it.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘She saved everyone else. If she hadn’t done it, hundreds of people would have died. But it broke my dad. Her death is what changed him. I’m not excusing any of the things he’s done. But he never recovered. I’m hoping one day, he’ll get better. That’s why I keep the wristband. I can’t give up on the chance that he might turn back into the father I know and love. And then, there’s my grandmother. She has dreamed of seeing Earth since she was a kid. How could I take that hope away from her?’

Bellamy didn’t answer, but I didn’t mind. I hoped he was thinking about what I said. Maybe he would ease up with the wristbands. I yawned, jaw popping.

‘Tired?’ he asked.

‘Exhausted.’

And cold. Without the means to make a fire, the cave’s temperature had dropped. I was shivering, my jacket zipped up to my neck. Bellamy, in just a t-shirt, seemed perfectly comfortable.

‘You can’t be human,’ I said.

‘Nah, you’re just weak.’

I glared at him and he laughed.

‘Alright, Sunshine. I’ll help. You ready?’

‘Ready for what?’ I asked, wary.

‘The oldest move in the world.’

Bellamy faked a yawn and stretched, raising his arms above his head. Then, he dropped one around my shoulders and grinned at me.

‘Oh my God, you did not just do that,’ I said, appalled.

‘Come on, that was smooth as hell.’

‘That was lame. Where did you even learn that, anyway?’

‘Some guy I knew from my time with the guards. He swore up and down his wife had married him because of that move.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah. Until she divorced him a month later.’

We laughed. Here he was, the Bellamy I liked. The one who joked around and didn’t strut like he had an invisible crown on his head. I was also grateful for the added heat, and it didn’t take long for my eyes to drop. I leaned my head against the stone and fell asleep, safe and warm.

* * *

I woke up to the sound of Charlotte screaming. My head was resting on Bellamy’s shoulder and when he sat up quickly, my teeth knocked together. His eyes settled on Charlotte, who was shivering under his jacket.

‘Charlotte, wake up.’

I sat up more slowly and stroke her hair as she woke up, tears in her eyes.

‘I’m sorry,’ the young girl said, her voice trembling.

‘Does that happen often?’ Bellamy asked her. ‘What are you scared of?’

She looked at her hands, staying silent. Bellamy shot me a look but I couldn’t help him. I didn’t know what her nightmares were about.

‘You know what?’ Bellamy told her. ‘It doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is what you do about it.’

‘But I’m asleep.’

‘Fears are fears. Slay your demons when you’re awake, they won’t be there to get you when you sleep.’

‘Yeah, but how?’

‘You can’t afford to be weak. Down here, weakness is death. Fear is death.’

Charlotte looked at him pensively. She was calm now, Bellamy’s words more effective than mine had ever been. I would have been jealous if I hadn’t been so relieved.

‘Let me see that knife I gave you,’ he asked.

He took it and smiled at her.

‘Now, when you feel afraid, you hold tight to that knife and you say: “Screw you. I’m not afraid.”’

He handed her back the knife and she held on to it, repeating his words in a small voice.

‘Come on, Charlotte,’ I said, still stroking her hair. ‘I know you can do better than that.’

Charlotte repeated, more firmly this time. Satisfied, Bellamy patted her knee.

‘Slay your demons, kid. Then you’ll be able to sleep.’

Charlotte lied back down and I stayed next to her. I fell asleep there, curled up against the stone, my hand holding hers.

* * *

Hours later, I opened my eyes to see that the cave was much lighter. I woke up Bellamy and Charlotte and we stepped outside gingerly. I breathed out a sigh of relief when I saw the fog was gone.

‘Anybody out here?’ Bellamy called loudly. ‘Jones?’

‘We’re here!’ Jones answered. He didn’t sound too far away and we headed towards him.

We found Jones with Amara and Chase. They looked unharmed and seemed as relieved to see us as we were to see them.

‘Lost you in the stew,’ Bellamy said. ‘Where’d you go?’

‘Made it to a cave down there. The hell was that?’

‘Acid fog,’ I answered. ‘I think.’

That was the only thing that made sense, as bizarre as that sounded.

‘Where’s Atom?’ Bellamy asked.

Jones stayed silent and Bellamy cursed.

‘We need to find him, now. Split up.’

Charlotte and I stayed with Bellamy as we walked, looking around for any sign of the boy. Jones and the others were going to check out the caves in the area. At one point, Charlotte fell behind and I took the opportunity to talk to Bellamy.

‘Thank you,’ I told him. ‘For what you did last night.’

‘What, let you drool on my shoulder?’

‘I do  _not_ drool. And I meant with Charlotte. I think it really helped her.’

‘Yeah, well. Octavia used to have nightmares too. Obviously, we couldn’t have her screaming in her sleep every night.’

He said it casually, but I wasn’t fooled. These times weren’t happy memories and that he shared something like that with me was huge.

Suddenly, Charlotte screamed. I turned around and realized that the young girl was gone. Panicking, I yelled her name but she just kept screaming. I ran toward the sound and quickly found her. I pulled her to me, checking her over, searching for any injury. Bellamy reached us and froze.

‘Atom…’

I looked down and had to fight off the need to throw up. Atom was lying on the ground, his skin covered in welts and pus. He was struggling to breathe and one look at him was enough to realize no amount of medicine could save him. Bellamy approached and knelt next to Atom but I stayed behind, my nails involuntarily digging into Charlotte’s shoulders. Jones arrived with the others, having heard Charlotte’s screams, gasping at the scene. Before I could react, Charlotte had slipped from my grasp and was walking towards Bellamy, who had just stood back up with a haunted look on his face. Without a word, she handed him her knife.

‘Don’t be afraid,’ she told him.

Bellamy grasped the knife, sighing heavily.

‘Go back to camp,’ he told the others. ‘Charlotte, you too.’

I wish I could say I had stayed, supporting Bellamy and offering him what comfort he needed as he was about to kill his friend. But I didn’t. I fled, mumbling something I didn’t even hear to Charlotte as I passed her. I walked for a long time, half blind with tears, uncaring that I might get lost of run into a Grounder. All I cared about was getting away.

Eventually, I couldn’t take it anymore and I collapsed over a fallen tree. I threw up everything I had in my stomach and dry heaved for an eternity after that. I couldn’t breathe, I couldn’t even think. And above all, I hated myself for leaving Bellamy behind. He had probably saved my life the day before, and this was how I repaid him? By leaving him when he needed someone?

 _You’re a coward_ , I told myself.

That made me cry even harder and by the time I calmed down, I was a mess and it was getting dark out. Looking at my surroundings, I was relieved to see I knew the way back to camp. It took me a long time, but I eventually saw the dropship. I was surprised to see Bellamy waiting outside the wall. He looked pale and his hair was even more messy than usual. He had been pulling at it. He raised his head and saw me, his eyes studying me from head to toe. He noticed my red eyes and I rubbed them, feeling oddly guilty.

‘You okay?’ he asked, his voice rough.

‘I’m fine. Sorry I made you wait.’

I was almost afraid to ask about Atom, but I had to know.

‘Is Atom-’

‘He’s dead. Clarke…Clarke did it.’

It was terrible of me, but I was relieved that Bellamy hadn’t been the one to kill Atom. It didn’t make me feel any better that I’d left, but it was better nevertheless.

‘Did Charlotte make it back to camp okay?’ I asked, my voice weaker than I would have liked.

Bellamy nodded. I couldn’t think of anything else to say, but I didn’t want to leave. Maybe I wanted to redeem myself for what I’d done earlier. Maybe I didn’t feel like being alone just yet.

‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered.

His eyes snapped to mine and I flinched. His face was blank and to most, he would have seemed completely emotionless, even numb. But in his eyes, a storm was raging. Grief, despair, guilt, fear. All these emotions were threatening to take him away and I realized he was drowning. I couldn’t take it. I stepped forward and wound my arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. He tensed up, and I probably should have let go and left but I couldn’t shake the feeling that if I left him like this, I would never forgive myself. So, I held on.

And finally, Bellamy Blake broke. He wasn’t a pretty crier. His sobs were loud, violent and he fought every single one of them. His arms closed around me, his face was buried in my neck and I felt tears wet my shirt. He was a man drowning at sea and here I was, an unexpected lifeline.

I don’t know how long we stayed like that. But it was over as quickly as it began. Bellamy stepped back, took one look at me, and left. I stared at the ground for the time it took my heart to stop racing, and walked back to camp. Charlotte wasn’t in our tent, but I was too tired to care. I fell asleep, knowing that my night would be filled with nightmares.


	4. Chapter 4

Wells was dead.

I hadn’t known him very well, but something about the way he’d died shook me to the core. Tim had found him in the early hours of the day, lying face down in a pool of his own blood at the bottom of the grave he’d been digging for Atom. Bellamy had tried to hide the body before Clarke could see it but he was too late. Her scream had echoed throughout the camp and I could only watch as she threw herself at Wells, trying to revive him. But he was long gone.

There had been no trace, no clue to lead us back to the killers. The Grounders had gotten him less than ten yards away from camp, quick and silent. We were all terrified, Charlotte especially. She barely slept and spent the day working in silence, a haunted look in her eyes. She wouldn’t speak to me, could barely even look at me. She was so young. Too young to see things like that. I had finished her bow but she didn’t even touch it.

Bellamy had decided everyone was to remain in camp. That meant no hunting for me. I was only allowed to check the traps, never alone and always armed. We were all on edge. The only silver lining was that everyone had gotten to work. Some built the wall, others carved spears…everyone was busy and no one was complaining.

I was coming back from the woods with Amara, having just set up new traps when Clarke ran past us, knocking into another kid without a care. Exchanging a look, we followed her. She headed straight for Murphy.

‘You son of a bitch!’ she yelled as she pushed him roughly.

‘Hey, what’s your problem?’ he asked, laughing.

‘Recognize this?’ Clarke said. She was holding a knife that had obviously been made of metal from the dropship.

‘It’s my knife, where’d you find that?’ He tried to take it from her but she took a step back.

‘Where you dropped it after you killed Wells!’

Around them, whispers broke out. I didn’t understand. Hadn’t Grounders killed Wells? But then, if Murphy had did it, it explained why there were no tracks leading away from camp. The killer had come from within. And it was no secret the two hated each other. But still. Murphy wasn’t an idiot. Why would he have dropped the knife? Even if he hadn’t meant to, he would have come back for it.

‘Where I what?’ he asked.

Bellamy, Octavia and Jasper joined the group that had formed around the two. I shot Bellamy a questioning look but he just shook his head.

‘The Grounders killed Wells, not me,’ Murphy defended himself.

‘I know what you did, and you’re gonna pay for it.’

‘Really? Bellamy, you believe this crap?’ Murphy asked, clearly looking for support. But Bellamy didn’t say anything.

‘You threatened to kill him!’ Clarke insisted. ‘We all heard you. You hated Wells.’

‘Plenty of people hated Wells. His father was the Chancellor that locked us up.’

‘Yeah, but you’re the only one that got into an actual fight with him!’

‘I didn’t kill him then either.’

‘He tried to kill Jasper too,’ Octavia said suddenly. That was news to me, and apparently, to Jasper as well.

The air was thick with tension and Murphy seemed to realize the crowd was turning against him. I knew without a doubt this was going to get ugly. I searched for Charlotte. She looked terrified and I made my way towards her, pushing people out of the way.

‘Come on, this is ridiculous,’ Murphy was saying. ‘I don’t have to answer to you, I don’t have to answer to anyone!’

‘Come again?’ Bellamy said.

I reached Charlotte and pulled her against me. The crowd was getting restless. A lot of them had weapons in their hands and were looking at Murphy with hatred in their eyes. He walked to Bellamy but I couldn’t hear what they said to each other. I pulled on Charlotte’s hand.

‘We have to go,’ I told her. ‘Come on.’

She wouldn’t budge, as if paralysed.

‘Is this the kind of society we want?’ Clarke asked the crowd. ‘You say there should be no rules. Does that mean that we can kill each other without punishment?’

‘I already told you,’ Murphy protested. ‘I didn’t kill anyone.’

‘I say we float him!’ Connor yelled.

‘Oh God…’ I whispered. This was going to get really bad, really fast and I knew I had to get out of there. It was a coward’s choice, but at the moment I couldn’t care less.

‘Charlotte, come on!’ I begged. I pulled on her arm but she dug her heels in the ground, staying put.

‘That’s not what I’m saying,’ Clarke told Connor.

‘Why not? He deserves to float. It’s justice.’

‘Revenge isn’t justice!’

‘It’s justice. Float him!’

The crowd started chanting, led by Connor. Murphy, realizing his life was in danger, tried to run but someone tripped him. He crashed to the ground and people rushed to get to him. Someone knocked into me and I lost my grip on Charlotte’s arm. By the time I turned around, she was gone. I yelled her name but there was so much noise, it was useless. Everyone was shouting, whether it was insults or protests. They pulled Murphy up and I could see they’d gagged him. They were going to kill him.

They led him out of camp and I was pulled with the crowd, trying to get a glimpse of Charlotte. Clarke was screaming, begging them to let him go but no one was listening to her. After days of fear, tension and stress, it was no wonder they broke. And they needed a scapegoat. The right thing to do would have been trying to save Murphy. But as it turned out, I wasn’t as brave as I thought I was. I didn’t have the courage to face the crowd, too scared to get hurt, and so I ignored Murphy’s muffled cries of pain as they put a rope around his neck and pulled him up, his feet barely able to find purchase on a crate. I finally saw Charlotte next to Octavia and Bellamy and ran towards her. Her eyes were wide with fear. Clarke ran to Bellamy, and I watched as she begged him to stop them.

‘They’ll listen to you!’ she shouted.

‘Bellamy!’ Connor called. ‘You should do it!’

The crowd chanted his name and in the commotion, our eyes locked. I shook my head, silently asking him to stop it. This wasn’t right. This wasn’t justice. It was murder.

‘I saw you in the woods with Atom!’ Clarke told him. ‘I know you’re not a killer. Bellamy, don’t do this. Don’t do this.’

He looked at her. Looked at Octavia, and at me. He pushed his way toward Murphy. And kicked the crate.

Clarke screamed. So did Charlotte. I could only watch as Murphy dangled from the rope under the crowd’s cheers. I could have pushed my way to the rope, cut it with my knife, did something, anything to stop this monstrosity. But I stayed frozen, gripping Charlotte’s hand.

‘What the hell are you doing?’ someone yelled.

It was Finn. I hadn’t even realized he wasn’t there with us.

‘Cut him down!’ he shouted, before turning to me. ‘Y/N, get Charlotte out of here, now!’

I snapped out of my trance and pulled Charlotte with me. She tried to fight it but Octavia helped me and we started pushing her away from the scene.

‘Just stop, okay!’ she screamed, shoving me. ‘Murphy didn’t kill Wells. I did!’

The world stopped turning. I could hear people shouting, and the sound of a body hitting the ground but I only had eyes for Charlotte. She looked on the verge of tears but I couldn’t bring myself to comfort her, like I would have usually done. It wasn’t possible. She couldn’t have killed Wells. She was Charlotte, my sweet and brave Charlotte, who had surprised me with arrows and couldn’t stand to watch as I killed rabbits. She was a kid. Just a twelve-year-old kid.

Her eyes met mine and I saw overwhelming guilt there, as well as heart-wrenching pain. How could I have missed this? Bellamy approached and put a hand on her shoulder.

‘We have to go,’ he said. She nodded silently and looked at me. I followed without a word. Bellamy led us to a tent, where we were quickly followed by Clarke and Finn. Charlotte was staring at me, tears rolling down her cheeks. I didn’t know what to say to her. She was a murderer. She had said so herself. And yet, there was no denying the fact that I loved her like a sister, I had since I’d met her. And I knew some part of it was my fault. She was my responsibility and I had failed her. I hadn’t seen the signs. I was as much to blame as she was.

‘Charlotte, why?’ Bellamy asked.

‘I was just trying to slay my demons like you told me.’

Bellamy looked as if he’d been slapped. I remembered the cave, the advice he’d given her. Everything had gone wrong, and for a moment, I wished we were back in there, trapped by the acid fog. We would do things differently, Charlotte wouldn’t kill Wells and everything would be fine.

‘What the hell is she talking about?’ Clarke asked.

‘She misunderstood me. Charlotte, that is not what I meant.’

Outside, Murphy started shouting. Of course, he had rallied the crowd to him and was now looking for revenge.

‘Bring the girl out, Bellamy!’

Charlotte flinched and looked at me.

‘Please don’t let them hurt me…’

‘They won’t hurt you,’ I said without hesitation. In the face of her fear, I forgot about Wells, forgot about Murphy, forgot everything except Charlotte. ‘Nothing bad will happen to you. I promise.’

She sobbed and I pulled her into my arms, hugging her tightly.

‘If you guys have any bright ideas, speak up,’ Bellamy asked Finn and Clarke.

They looked at each other and didn’t say anything.

‘Now you stay quiet?’ Bellamy scoffed.

‘Hey, those are your boys out there!’ Finn said.

‘This is not my fault!’ Bellamy protested, before looking at Clarke. ‘If she’d listened to me, those idiots would still be building the wall.’

‘You wanna build a society, Princess?’ Murphy yelled from outside the tent. ‘Let’s build a society. Bring her out!’

‘No, please, Bellamy!’ Charlotte cried.

He leaned down and put his hands on her arms, looking at her reassuringly.

‘Look, Charlotte, hey. It’s gonna be okay. Just stay with Y/N. She’ll keep you safe.’

He looked at me and I nodded firmly. He then slipped out of the tent. I immediately sprang into action. Pulling out my knife, I slashed the tent so we had a way to the woods without being seen by the crowd. In complete silence, I took Charlotte’s hand and pulled her in the forest, followed by Clarke and Finn.

Behind us, Murphy was shouting but I focused on getting us as far away from him as possible.

‘Don’t step in the mud,’ I told them. ‘Try not to leave any tracks they could follow.’

Charlotte was shaking beside me and I squeezed her hand.

‘Do you trust me?’ I asked.

She nodded, tears in her eyes.

‘Then trust me when I say you’ll be fine. Okay?’

We had barely walked for an hour when I suddenly heard someone shouting. Mike and Liam had found us and they had spears in their hands. I knew we couldn’t outrun them and I took a decision immediately.

‘Take her,’ I said to Finn and Clarke. ‘Keep her safe. I’ll hold them off.’

‘Y/N, no!’ Charlotte sobbed.

‘I’ll find you’, I told her softly before turning back to Mike and Liam. I heard the others start running behind me but I stayed focused on the boys. I tried to look as threatening as I could, which wasn’t easy without my bow.

‘Get out of the way, Y/N. We don’t want to hurt you.’

‘Then go away.’

Mike smirked and attacked with the butt end of the spear. It smacked painfully against my ribs but before he could draw back, I gripped the spear and pulled violently. He had been careless and when he lost his grip, the metal end cut his palm deeply.

‘You bitch!’ he cursed.

‘Leave,’ I said once again but this time, I was armed.

‘Come on, Y/N,’ Liam begged. ‘We just want the girl. It’s justice.’

‘Screw your justice.’

‘Alright. You asked for it.’

They both ran forward. I swung with the spear and hit Mike in the head but Liam was already there and he knocked me to the ground. Furious, I kicked my leg up and got him in the knee. I heard a satisfying crack but before I could get up, Mike had landed a blow in my ribs. I gasped from the pain, and he kicked me again, in the head this time. He went for a third time when suddenly, a branch smacked into his head. I immediately got up, ignoring the sharp pain in my chest and kneed Liam in the stomach. He doubled over and I hit him as hard as I could in the head. He collapsed to the ground, unconscious. I wiped the blood off my mouth and turned, not surprised to see Bellamy there.

‘You okay?’ he asked.

‘I’m fine,’ I said. In truth, I was pretty sure my ribs were bruised and my head was killing me but I didn’t have any time to lose. Not when Charlotte’s life was on the line.

‘Charlotte is with Finn and Clarke,’ I told Bellamy. ‘We have to find them.’

I had to admit, Finn was good at covering his tracks. The fight with Mike and Liam had only lasted a few minutes but it was long enough for them to disappear. Bellamy and I walked for hours, but as it got darker and darker, I was getting desperate.

‘Y/N,’ Bellamy called. Y/N, you have to slow down.’

‘I can’t.’

He seized my arm, stopping me in my tracks. Furious, I shoved him.

‘What the hell? Don’t you get what is happening here? If Murphy finds her first, he’ll kill her. We can’t slow down, not until she’s safe!’

‘I know that,’ he said softly. He put his hands on my arms, looking at me straight in the eyes. ‘Trust me, I want to find her just as much as you. But I’m gonna need you to calm down, all right?’

I took a deep breath, realizing he was right. Anger would only blind me and keep me from finding her.

‘Better?’ Bellamy asked with a smile.

I nodded and he squeezed my arms. We set off again, more slowly. I don’t know how long we walked until we heard a branch snap. Crouching behind some bushes in case it was Murphy, we carefully looked between the leaves.

It was Charlotte but as I was about to run to her, Bellamy stopped me. He gestured behind us and my eyes widened when I saw torches. Murphy was near. Silently, we ran towards Charlotte and Bellamy grabbed her. She screamed and he shushed her, putting a hand on her mouth.

‘Charlotte!’ I whispered. ‘It’s us, calm down.’

I saw the relief in her eyes, and something else I didn’t recognize. Murphy and his friends were getting closer and I took Charlotte’s hand, leading her away. Bellamy kept an eye on our surroundings, following closely.

‘You have to let me go,’ she said softly.

‘What? No, why the hell would I do that?’

‘Y/N, please. Let me go.’

I shook my head, bewildered. Charlotte sighed. And then, she started screaming. Bellamy jumped, putting a hand on her mouth again but even then, it wasn’t enough.

‘Charlotte, what are you doing?’ I whispered. ‘Shut up, they’ll hear you!’

She managed to get out of Bellamy’s grasp and tried to run away but I caught her.

‘Let me go!’ she shouted.

‘We’re trying to help you!’ Bellamy said.

‘I’m not your sister!’ she said. ‘Just stop helping me!’

I flinched, hurt.  _She’s lashing out_ , I thought.  _She doesn’t mean it._

‘I’m over here!’ she screamed and I cursed. We didn’t have time for this.

‘Are you trying to get us all killed?’ Bellamy asked.

‘Just go, okay? I’m the one they want!’

‘Look,’ I said, leaning down and grabbing her shoulders. ‘I get it. You feel guilty about Wells and you want to get punished. But this isn’t the way. I will  _die_ before I let them hurt you. You hear me?’

Charlotte breathed in sharply, a tear rolling down her cheek.

‘I deserve to die,’ she said and the pain in her voice broke me. Bellamy turned her towards him, his eyes boring into hers.

‘Okay, Charlotte, listen to me. I won’t leave you. Y/N won’t leave you.’

‘Please, Bellamy.’

I tried pulling her away again but she broke out of our grasp once more, running towards Murphy. Bellamy seized her and put her over his shoulder. She started screaming once more, ignoring my pleas.

‘Run,’ I said. We went as quickly as we could, weaving through the trees but Murphy was gaining on us and Charlotte never stopped screaming. I gripped my stolen spear tightly. Suddenly, Bellamy stopped and I almost knocked into him. I looked around him and cursed. We had reached a cliff, so high we couldn’t even see the bottom. We were trapped between Murphy and the edge. He set Charlotte down and I pushed her behind me as Murphy and his friends broke the tree line.

‘Bellamy!’ he said. ‘You cannot fight all of us. Give her up.’

‘Maybe not. But I guarantee I’ll take a few of you with me.’

Suddenly, Clarke and Finn ran in. She saw Charlotte behind me and breathed a sigh of relief.

‘This has gone too far,’ she said to Murphy. ‘Just calm down. We’ll talk about this.’

Murphy looked at her, then Charlotte. Suddenly, he grabbed Clarke and held her against his chest, a knife to her throat. I raised my spear but he looked at me threateningly.

‘Don’t even think about it, Y/N. And Finn, back off.’

‘No, please. Please don’t hurt her!’ Charlotte cried behind me.

‘Don’t hurt her?’ Murphy scoffed, looking at the young girl. ‘Okay, I’ll make you a deal. You come with me right now, I will let her go.’

I grabbed Charlotte’s arm with my free hand, keeping her behind me. She tried to fight me to get to Murphy and Bellamy took her other arm, helping me.

‘Don’t do it, Charlotte!’ Clarke begged.

‘No!’ she screamed. ‘No, I have to!’

‘Stop!’ Bellamy ordered and miraculously, she seemed to listen. He let her go, focusing on the others. I didn’t let go of her arm, though. I was too scared she’d try to run to Murphy.

‘Murphy,’ Bellamy said. ‘This is not happening.’

‘I can’t let any of you get hurt anymore,’ Charlotte said softly. ‘Not because of me. Not after what I did.’

‘Don’t say that,’ I answered, turning back to face her. I cupped her face between my hands. ‘Everything will be fine, you’ll see. This is a messed up situation, but we’ll figure it out together, all right? Like we always do.’

She smiled, tears rolling down her cheeks, and hugged me. I closed my eyes, holding her tight and kissed her temple. At that moment, I truly believed everything would turn out fine. Murphy would give up and we’d go back to camp. Charlotte would make amends her entire life for what she’d done to Wells but she would be alive, and she’d get better. Life would go back to normal, or as normal as it could.

And then, she shoved me away. Too surprised to catch myself, I crashed into Bellamy and looked up, just in time to see Charlotte throwing herself off the cliff.

The scream I let out was inhuman. I scrambled forward, falling to my knees on the edge of the cliff, staring at the abyss beneath me.

‘We have to get down there!’ I said frantically, looking at Bellamy. ‘She might be hurt, she needs our help.’

He didn’t answer and stared at me, tears in his eyes.

‘Bellamy, come on!’ I begged, grabbing his arm and shaking him. ‘We have to go, we have to help her!’

‘Y/N,’ he said and his voice was weaker than I’d ever heard it. ‘She’s gone.’

‘No, she’s not, she’s waiting for us, come on.’

‘She’s dead, Y/N.’

Without thinking, I slapped him. I was breathing hard, anger blinding me. How could he say that? Charlotte trusted him, I trusted him. Why did he refuse to help her?

‘Fuck you!’ I shouted. ‘She’s not dead! She can’t be!’

Fine. If he wouldn’t help me, I’d get to her myself. I tried to get up, intending to find a way to the bottom off the cliff but Bellamy grabbed me, crushing me against his chest. I fought him, pummelling his chest with my fists. I tried to kick him, bite him, do anything to get out of his grasp but he held on, grunting as my hits landed.

‘Let me go!’ I tried to scream but my voice broke. Something terrible had just happened, but I wouldn’t believe it. I couldn’t. If I did, there was no turning back. Over Bellamy’s shoulder, I looked at the bottom of the ravine. It was so deep. Too deep.

‘Oh God,’ I choked. ‘Oh God, Charlotte.’

In my mind, the image of her jumping off the cliff played on a loop. And finally, I couldn’t lie to myself anymore. No one could have survived that fall.

I broke down and Bellamy tightened his hold on me. I sobbed violently, choking on my own tears as I struggled to breathe. She was gone. Charlotte was gone and I felt so alone. What was I supposed to do? What was the point of me being here if I couldn’t take care of her?

‘I’m sorry…’ I sobbed. ‘I’m so sorry!’

I don’t know how long I cried, crushed against Bellamy’s chest, my mind a mess of grief and pain. But I felt it when he let me go. I had no tears left to shed and I just stared at the abyss in silence, feeling numb. I heard Bellamy yelling and turned slightly. He was holding Murphy down, beating him to a pulp.

 _Good_ , I thought.  _He deserves it._

Minutes or maybe hours later for all I cared, Bellamy came back to me and grabbed my arm, pulling me up. I didn’t fight it. He led me back to camp, in complete silence, his hand never leaving my back and I almost felt like laughing. What was he afraid of? That I was going to throw myself off a cliff too?

The others were waiting for us, in complete silence. They saw Bellamy’s bloody knuckles and Murphy’s absence. They saw Charlotte wasn’t there either. No one asked any question and I was grateful.

‘Do you want to go back to your tent?’ Bellamy asked me quietly.

I shook my head. I would never step foot in there again. The memories were too painful. Bellamy nodded and led me to his tent instead. He was sharing it with Octavia but she wasn’t inside, something I was relieved to see. I sat down, looking around me. Of course he’d have the biggest tent in camp.

‘There’s nothing left to eat,’ Bellamy said quietly. ‘But I could get you water if you want.’

I shook my head wordlessly.

‘You can sleep here tonight,’ he added.

When I still didn’t answer, he turned around to leave. But I had one thing I needed to say.

‘It’s not your fault.’

My voice was hoarse and barely audible but he froze, looking back at me.

‘You couldn’t have known she’d take your advice like this,’ I continued. ‘You didn’t do anything wrong.’

He took a deep breath and sat down next to me.

‘Didn’t I?’ he answered. ‘I gave her a fucking knife, Y/N.’

‘And I gave her a bow. But that’s not the point. The point is, she was troubled from the start. There was nothing you could have done.’

 _And if anyone’s to blame, it’s me_ , I thought. _I should have seen it coming._

Bellamy didn’t answer. I was about to insist when I suddenly felt a sharp pain coming from my wristband. I yelped and grabbed my wrist, wincing.

‘What is it?’ Bellamy asked.

‘I- I don’t know. Something’s wrong with my wristband.’

I looked closer and saw that it had gone dark. My heart sinking, I jumped to my feet and ran outside. All those who had kept their wristbands were looking at them. Each was as dark as mine.

It wasn’t hard to understand. Our last mean of communication from the Ark was gone.

‘Looks like you got what you wanted,’ I said to Bellamy as he joined me. ‘They think we’re all dead.’

I went back to his tent so he wouldn’t see the tears in my eyes. The Ark would think we’d all died due to radiations. They wouldn’t come down to Earth, and they would die from lack of oxygen, including my own family.

And there was nothing I could do about it. Once again, I had failed.


	5. Chapter 5

I didn’t sleep that night. I had gotten used to my small tent, to the sound of Charlotte’s steady breathing as she dreamed. I even missed the nightmares that would have her screaming herself awake, I missed holding her, I missed her rare smiles and the way she said my name. I missed my sister. How insane was it to care so deeply for someone you’d just met?

I felt more alone than I’d ever had before and I wished Bellamy hadn’t left. He had cared for Charlotte too. If anyone could understand what I was going through, it was him. But from the sinful moans of Roma and Sophie that echoed through the night, he was kind of busy.

I didn’t mind. If that was the way he dealt with grief, he could fuck the entire camp for all I cared. I would just have to find my own way to deal with the pain. I’d done it before, with my mother. But my grandmother had been there for me at the time. Even my father had, in his own way.

And here I was now, alone in somebody else’s tent, my only friend dead and my family condemned. I wished I was back in my cell. Life had been simpler then.

I was so deep in thought I didn’t even hear people shouting until Amara burst into the tent.

‘Y/N?’ she said, frowning. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I-’

‘Never mind. Come on, you need to see this.’

I hurried out after her and joined the others, wrapped up in Bellamy’s covers. Unsurprisingly, the man in question was just coming out of Roma and Sophie’s tent, covered in hickeys and scratches. Amara pointed at the sky and I followed her finger, only to see a huge shooting star fall from the sky. Except, it wasn’t a meteorite. It was a pod.

The Ark had sent us help. And with hope, there would be a way to talk to them.

I had another chance to save my family.

I looked carefully at where it was headed. It disappeared near the ridge, which meant it was most likely by the lake. I had hunted there several times and knew the area well. I needed my bow and arrows, in case Grounders were headed there as well. I had almost no doubt they would. But to get my weapons, I had to go back to my old tent. The one I shared with Charlotte.

 _You’re a big girl_ , I told myself.  _You can do this._

Entering quickly, I pointedly ignored Charlotte’s side and grabbed what I needed, exiting just as fast. I went back to Amara, who seemed strangely disappointed.

‘What’s wrong?’ I asked.

‘Bellamy said we have to wait until sunrise. It’s too dangerous to go now.’

Something wasn’t right. Whatever was in that pod, it was invaluable and Bellamy knew that. He would never risk the Grounders getting to it first, no matter the cost. I smiled at Amara and told her I’d catch up later, immediately going to Bellamy’s tent. He wasn’t inside, but his gear was gone. Cursing, I looked around camp. He wasn’t there, which meant he had gone after the pod. Alone.

Discreetly, I entered the woods. No one saw me and I started to walk quickly in the lake’s direction. Bellamy was fast, but I knew the woods better than anyone else. I would find him and if he’d done anything to damage the pod, there would be hell to pay.

* * *

I don’t know how long I walked. It was too dark to search for foot prints so I headed straight for the lake, hoping I’d beat him there. The sun rose slowly and I started jogging, more confident now that I could see where I walked. By the time I finally managed to catch up to Bellamy, it was mid-morning and we were only a few minutes away from the lake.

‘Hey!’ I shouted.

He turned around and cursed when he saw me.

‘Y/N, go back to camp.’

‘And let you destroy the radio? No way.’

It was obviously what he was after. From the start, Bellamy had done everything he could to make the Ark think we were dead. And he knew there had to be a way to contact them in the pod. Most likely, a radio.

‘You can’t stop me,’ he said, confirming my theory.

I nocked an arrow and drew my bow, pointing it at him. Bellamy didn’t budge. In fact, he didn’t even seem surprised.

‘Come on, Sunshine. You and I both know you’re not gonna shoot me.’

‘My family is on the Ark, Bellamy. If you take the radio, you take my only chance of saving them. And I can’t- I can’t lose anyone else.’

I didn’t mention Charlotte, but he had to know I was thinking about her. I could hardly believe it had just been a few hours since she’d died. God, how I missed her.

‘I’m sorry,’ Bellamy said and I could see genuine regret in his eyes. ‘I wish there was another way.’

 _He’s not going to change his mind,_ I realized.

In a split second, I made my decision. The pod was most likely a few minutes away. If I could get there first, I would be able to send a message before Bellamy had a chance to destroy the radio. But I couldn’t shoot him, he was right about that. Which left me with only one option: running.

Immediately, I took off as fast as I could towards the lake. Behind me, I heard Bellamy shout and soon enough, he was running after me. My ribs, already bruised from my fight with Liam and Mike the day before, burned with pain. But I ignored it and forced myself to move faster, knowing from the bottom of my heart that this was my last chance to save my family.

Suddenly, I saw the pod. It seemed almost inconspicuous, just standing there on the ground, almost completely intact. I’d expected smoke, flames and debris.

‘Y/N!’ Bellamy shouted behind me. ‘Stop!’

I couldn’t, and he knew it. With one last push, I reached the pod and collided painfully against the side door. I opened it as quickly as I could, aware that I only had a few precious seconds to make the call. There was someone inside the pod, slumped in the seat but I didn’t have time to check if they were alive. I grabbed the radio and was just about to push the recording button when suddenly, I was yanked back.

‘No!’ I screamed.

Bellamy pulled me away, the radio crashing to the ground. I fought him with all I had and managed to twist in his arms, facing him. I headbutted him and pain erupted in my skull but he loosened his hold just enough for me to break free. However, it wasn’t enough to get to the radio. He pulled me back again, too hard, and we both fell to the ground, him underneath me with my back to his chest.

‘Y/N, it’s over,’ he grunted as he seized my arms. ‘Stop fighting.’

I yelled, trying against all odds to break his hold but I wasn’t strong enough.

‘Please, stop,’ he begged. ‘Don’t make me do this.’

I wasn’t listening, too busy trying to figure out a way to free myself. So when his arm came around my throat, I froze. For a second, I stared at the sky, my eyes wide in confusion. And then, his arm started pressing. I went mad. My hands, now free, clawed at his skin and my feet slammed against the ground, desperately trying to find purchase. But no matter what I did, I couldn’t escape the choke hold.

‘I’m sorry, I’m so sorry’ Bellamy was saying over and over again. I could barely hear him over the blood rushing in my head. But I could feel his heart beating wildly against my back, almost as fast as my own.

The reasonable part of my brain knew he wasn’t going to kill me. He was just trying to render me unconscious. But the other part, the one that was screaming in pain from oxygen deprivation, the one that could only think about survival, that part thought I was about to die.

My vision slowly ebbed away, my body stopped struggling and I sank into unconsciousness, going limp against Bellamy’s chest. The last thing I felt was someone’s fingers pressing gently against my wrist, and then I was gone.

* * *

I woke up to someone shaking me. I sat up, my head pounding. Above me, Clarke was talking but my ears were still ringing and it took me a few seconds to hear what she was saying.

‘-you okay? Y/N? Say something!’

‘What?’ I said, my voice hoarse. My throat was killing me and I rubbed it gently, wincing at the pain. 

‘Thank God,’ Clarke sighed.

‘He choked me,’ I whispered to myself. ‘He actually choked me.’

‘Y/N, did Bellamy do this to you?’ Clarke asked, her eyes wide.

I nodded and got up, immediately looking around for the radio. It was gone, and I realized Bellamy must have taken it and probably destroyed it. I had lost my last chance to save my family. All because of him.

‘Where is he?’ I asked.

‘No idea. Did he take the radio?’

‘Yeah,’ I confirmed. But suddenly, I remembered something else. I ran to the pod and yanked the side door open, taken aback at the sight of the very much alive girl inside. She was about my age, maybe a little bit older and besides the gash on her forehead, she seemed alright for someone who had just crashed on Earth.

‘Oh my God,’ Clarke said next to me.

‘Hi,’ the girl answered. ‘I made it?’

‘You did,’ I said. ‘Are you hurt? Can you tell me your name?’

‘Raven. And I think I’m okay.’

‘All right, Raven,’ I said. ‘I’m Y/N. How about we get you out of this thing?’

We helped her out of the pod and out of her suit while she observed her surroundings, mesmerized. I couldn’t help but smile, wondering if this was how I’d looked when I first came out of the drop ship weeks earlier.

‘I dreamed it would smell like this,’ she said. ‘Is this rain?’

Clarke nodded with a smile. ‘Welcome home.’

Raven turned around, her arms outstretched to feel the rain. Suddenly, I heard footsteps and turned, half hoping it was Bellamy so I could kill him. It wasn’t him, but Finn, who looked like he’d just seen a ghost.

‘Raven!’ he called.

‘Finn!’ she laughed and ran towards him, throwing herself in his arms. She looked at him like he was her whole world and I turned to Clarke. I had seen the way she stared at Finn and I had thought there might be something there. But from the look on her face, her relationship with him was much more than that.

‘I knew you couldn’t be dead,’ Raven said softly.

Finn looked at Clarke, then back to Raven and saw the wound on her head.

‘You’re bleeding.’

‘I don’t care.’

She kissed him and Finn didn’t hesitate, kissing her back. Clarke looked as if she’d been slapped and I felt so out of place I considered leaving. Thankfully, they stopped.

‘How did you get here?’ Finn asked Raven.

‘You know that big scrap hold? The one on K deck?’

We all turned to the pod. I didn’t know much about engineering, only what my mother had taught me, but even I knew that pod shouldn’t have been able to start, even less get someone to the ground alive.

‘You built that from scrap?’ Finn asked, impressed.

‘I kind of rebuilt it. Please, like that’s hard. It just needed a couple of parts and some love.’

‘You’re insane.’

‘I’d do more for you and worse. Just like you would for me.’

The situation couldn’t have been more awkward and I was almost happy when Raven stumbled. I rushed toward her as Finn helped her sit down on a rock and gave her his jacket. He went back to Clarke as I kneeled beside Raven, keeping a careful eye on her in case she fainted. I opened my pack and gave her some of the berries I’d collected along the way, hoping some food would help.

‘They’re safe to eat, I promise.’

She took one, biting into it gingerly and moaned at the taste.

‘Oh God, this is so good.’

Finn and Clarke came back and he gave her some cloth to press against her wound.

‘This is Y/N and that’s Clarke,’ he said gesturing at us. ‘They were on the dropship too.’

I had already introduced myself but Clarke hadn’t, and Raven looked at her with a frown.

‘Clarke?’ she said, standing up. ‘This was all because of your mom.’

‘My mom?’

‘This was all her plan. We were trying to come down here together. If we waited- Oh my God. We couldn’t wait because the Council is voting whether to kill 300 people to save air.’

I wished I could say I was surprised. But after Clarke had told us the Ark’s life support was failing, I suspected something like this would happen.

‘When?’ Clarke asked.

‘Today. We have to tell them you’re alive!’

Raven started running to the pod but I grabbed her arm, stopping her.

‘Don’t bother. The radio’s gone.’

‘What? How?’

‘Someone got here before us,’ Clarke explained while I tried to remain calm. ‘We have to find him.’

Raven was pale but insisted on staying with us as we searched for Bellamy. Finn offered her his arm to help her walk but she marched ahead, proving she was capable of moving on her own. I liked her already. The fact that she was pissed at Bellamy and would probably help me murder him helped as well.

Somewhere in my mind, I knew I was angrier than I ought to be. I remembered Bellamy asking me to stop and I could hear him apologize. He had given me an out, one that I had ignored. That didn’t make what he’d done to me okay, not anywhere close and I was right to be pissed. But there was something darker and deeper to my rage that his actions didn’t explain.

I knew what did, though. After my mother had died, I had been angry at everything and everyone. I had almost assaulted a guard, tried to steal food and wrecked our cabin. I had been brash, careless and violent. It had taken me weeks to calm down. And it was happening all over again.

I thought of Charlotte, disappearing over the edge of the cliff. The shy smile on her face when I promised her a bow. The trust in her eyes.

 _No_ , I thought, pushing back the images almost violently.  _Focus on the radio._

I did everything in my power to stop thinking, concentrating on finding tracks to find Bellamy. God, I hoped he hadn’t destroyed the radio yet. We found a trail quickly enough and followed it. Clarke spotted him first and ran after him.

‘Hey!’ she shouted, grabbing his shoulder to stop him. ‘Where is it?’

‘Hey, princess. You taking a walk in the woods?’

I joined them and when Bellamy saw me, his eyes jumped to my throat. The swelling had gone down and it barely hurt, but I knew the skin was beginning to bruise. He seemed regretful but I ignored it.

‘Just tell us where the radio is,’ I said. It wasn’t on him, that was for sure, but I hoped he had hidden it somewhere and not destroyed it.

‘They’re getting ready to kill 300 people up there,’ Clarke added. ‘To save oxygen. And I can guarantee you, it won’t be Council members. It’ll be working people. Your people.’

Finn and Raven caught up to us, the former shoving Bellamy roughly.

‘Bellamy. Where’s the radio?’

‘I have no idea what you’re talking about,’ he answered, shoving Finn back.

I scoffed.

‘I don’t think lying is an option here, Blake,’ I said, baring my throat. He winced.

‘Bellamy Blake?’ Raven asked. ‘They’re looking everywhere for you-’

‘Shut up,’ Bellamy said. He suddenly seemed worried.

‘Looking for him why?’ Clarke asked.

‘He shot Chancellor Jaha.’

And just like that, everything about Bellamy Blake made sense. How he’d gotten on the dropship, why he had taken control of the group, his war on the wristbands, the radio…he needed the Ark to think we hadn’t survived so he wouldn’t be killed for his crime.

‘It’s why you took the wristbands,’ Clarke said, having her own epiphany. ‘Everyone would think we’re dead.’

Finn scoffed, staring at Bellamy with contempt.

‘All that “Whatever the hell we want”? You just care about saving your own skin.’

Bellamy walked away but Raven went after him.

‘Hey, shooter. Where’s my radio?’

‘Get out of my way.’

‘Where is it?’

‘I should’ve killed you when I had the chance,’ he threatened her.

‘Really? Well, I’m right here.’

Before any of us could react, he had grabbed her and shoved her against a tree. But just as quickly, Raven had pulled out a switch knife and held it against Bellamy’s face, a cold smile on her face.

‘Where’s my radio?’

‘Okay, stop it,’ Clarke ordered.

I put my hand on Bellamy’s arm and he backed away, letting go of Raven.

‘Jaha deserved to die,’ he said. ‘You all know that.’

‘Yeah, he’s not my favourite person either,’ Raven scoffed. ‘But he isn’t dead.’

Bellamy’s face fell, but not in disappointment like I’d expected. It was relief, in its purest form. And I realized that despite his earlier words, Bellamy hadn’t wanted to kill Jaha. Whatever had motivated him to shoot the Chancellor wasn’t hate, or revenge. It was something else entirely.

 _Something named Octavia_.

‘What?’ he said, shocked.

‘You’re a lousy shot,’ Raven mocked.

‘Bellamy, don’t you see what this means?’ Clarke said, a hand on his arm. ‘You’re not a murderer. You always did what you had to do to protect your sister. That’s who you are. And you can do it again. By protecting 300 of your people. Where’s the radio?’

We all stared at him, praying for an answer. But we didn’t get the one we hoped for.

‘It’s too late,’ he said softly. ‘I threw it in the river.’

Raven cursed loudly, walking to Bellamy.

‘Where? Fuck, where?’

‘Not far. I’ll show you.’

It wasn’t far and we all stared at the river dejectedly. It would take us hours to find it, hours we didn’t have.

‘I’ll go get more people,’ I said. ‘You guys start searching.’

The others nodded and I grabbed Bellamy’s sleeve, pulling him with me. He didn’t resist but he didn’t look at me either. We walked in complete silence for a while. I had wanted him to come along to talk, and probably argue, but my anger had left me and now, I was just tired. This had been a lousy day, and that was saying something considering the past few weeks.

We had walked for an hour and were about halfway there when Bellamy stopped me, grabbing my arm. I yanked it out of his grasp, more surprised than anything else but he looked as if I’d slapped him. His eyes on the ground, he took a few steps back.

‘Does it hurt?’ he asked, his voice barely audible.

I raised a hand to my throat. For a second, I considered telling him it did. But what was the point?

‘No,’ I told him truthfully. ‘It doesn’t.’

He looked relieved and I was torn between anger and sympathy. We stood there in silence for what seemed like hours before I managed to talk.

‘I- We would have protected you,’ I said softly.

His head snapped up, his eyes suddenly boring into mine. I forced myself to continue.

‘The others…they respect you. You’re a big part of why we’re still alive and everyone knows that. We wouldn’t have let the people from the Ark kill you.’

‘How do you know that?’

‘Because that’s what people do when they care about someone. They protect them.’

And I had no doubt I would have been one of his fiercest advocate. Because I’d seen the real Bellamy, the one who loved his sister more than anything and had risked his own life to save a little girl he barely knew. That Bellamy was worth saving. But the one I had in front of me, who had just thrown my only way of contacting my family to the river? That one, I couldn’t tell.

‘I’m sorry,’ Bellamy said.

‘For what?’

‘For everything I did today. And for Charlotte.’

I breathed in sharply. Even hearing her name hurt and I teared up.

‘I couldn’t protect her,’ he continued and I fought not to cry. ‘I tried, but it wasn’t enough. I’m sorry.’

I couldn’t speak. I nodded, telling him without words that I understood what he was trying to say. Then, I started walking again. We reached the camp and Bellamy explained the situation quickly, without giving anyone an occasion to ask questions. We walked back to the river and searched the water, making our way downstream.

I had thought Bellamy wouldn’t help but he got into the water with everyone else and I appreciated that. It didn’t fix what he’d done, but it was a step in the right direction.

‘Hey! I found it!’ someone finally yelled.

I joined Raven as she ran towards Daniel, taking the soaked radio from his hand.

‘Can you fix it?’ Clarke asked.

‘Maybe,’ Raven answered. ‘It’ll take half a day just to dry out the components and see what’s broken.’

‘Like I said,’ Bellamy told us. ‘It’s too late.’

‘Do you have any idea what you did?’ Clarke yelled. ‘Do you even care?’

‘You asked me to help,’ he answered. ‘I helped.’

‘Three hundred people are gonna die today because of you!’

That wasn’t exactly true, and I realized there and then that not one of them had realized the  _other_ problem the Ark was facing. The one that, no matter what happened, was going to kill a whole lot more than three hundred people. But I was smart enough to know it wouldn’t do any good sharing what I knew right now.

‘Hold up!’ Raven said. ‘We don’t have to talk to the Ark. We just have to let them know we’re down here, right?’

‘Yeah, but how do we do that with no radio?’ Finn asked.

Raven smiled widely and I knew that no matter what she was going to say, it would be good.

* * *

Night had fallen and the flares Raven had built with the others’ help were all lined up and ready to go. Her plan had been pure genius: using her pod’s supplies and materials, we would launch a series of flares in the sky, which the Ark would hopefully see. This way, they would know we were alive and they wouldn’t have to kill those three hundred people. At least, that’s what the others thought.

I knew better.

But for the time being, I enjoyed the way the flares lit up the sky, one after the other.

‘Can you wish on this type of shooting star?’ I heard Clarke ask Bellamy.

 _Yes_ , I decided,  _you can_. I looked at the lights, took a deep breath, and thought about Charlotte.  _She would have loved this._

I knew my grief would follow me until the day I died. But I also knew she would have wanted me to keep going, as cliché as that sounded. The best way I had of honouring her was to live and do everything in my power to make sure the others survived. And I would.

‘I promise.’


	6. Chapter 6

I was sound asleep, enjoying one of my rare nightmare-free nights when Bellamy burst into my tent. I sat up, rubbing my eyes groggily. From the look on his face, he hadn’t expected me to be there. Amara had agreed to let me bunk with her so I wouldn’t have to go back to my old tent or even worse, to Bellamy’s. Obviously, that was news to him.

‘Bellamy? What’s wrong?’ I asked him, my voice hoarse from sleep.

‘Have you seen Octavia?’

I thought about it. Now that he was mentioning it, I realized I hadn’t seen her in a while. She hadn’t been there when we searched the river and certainly not when we had built the flares.

‘No,’ I answered. ‘She isn’t here?’

‘I searched everywhere. The last time I saw her, we were in the woods. She was going back to camp.’

I nodded and pulled on my boots, exiting the tent as I slipped on my jacket. Bellamy watched as I took my bow and secured my quiver on my back.

‘You keep looking,’ I said. ‘I’ll wake up the others.’

He nodded wordlessly and I made my way through camp, rousing people as gently as I could. None were happy to be woken up in the middle of the night, but one mention of Bellamy and they were on their feet. It was a wonder how loyal they were to him, even after what had happened the day before with the radio. We all gathered in front of the dropship, waiting for Bellamy. When he came back, he looked even more worried than before.

‘Hey,’ he said to the group as he put down the bag that contained most of our weaponry. ‘Everybody, gather around and grab a weapon. My sister’s been out there alone for twelve hours. Arm up. We’re not coming back without her.’

I already had what I needed with my bow and the two knives I kept on me at all times. The others grabbed spears, hatchets and machetes and headed for the camp’s gate, Jasper included. I was surprised to see him with us. Ever since he’d been captured by Grounders, he hadn’t gone outside. But I supposed Octavia was reason enough to face his fears.

‘We need a tracker,’ Bellamy said to Clarke and me.

‘What am I, chopped liver?’ I answered, slightly insulted.

Bellamy rolled his eyes, clearly unamused.

‘I need you focused on the Grounders. You’re the only one who can use a ranged weapon. Finn can handle the tracking.’

I had to agree. Even though the others had started carving bows after I taught them how, they weren’t even close to knowing how to shoot. For now, I had to admit Bellamy’s logic had sense. We were going to venture straight in Grounder territory and the odds of our trip going without trouble were slim at best.

‘Finn, get out here!’ Bellamy called.

We waited for him, but after a minute without answer, Bellamy grew impatient.

‘Finn, we’re leaving!’ he said loudly.

‘All right, I’m coming!’ came his answer from within the tent.

I walked to the head of the group, intending to scout ahead when I heard people start to shout in wonder.

‘Look up there!’

‘It’s so bright!’

I looked up, and saw hundreds of bright lights falling from the sky, high above our heads. But they weren’t shooting stars. They were bodies, the bodies of the three hundred people that had been sacrificed on the Ark. It was sad, horrifying even, but that wasn’t the worst part.

‘They didn’t work,’ Raven said as she joined us. ‘They didn’t see the flares.’

Which meant the Ark still didn’t know we were alive. I forced myself to stay calm. Raven was trying to repair the radio, so we still had a chance of contacting them. Until then, there was no need to panic.

‘A meteor shower tells you that?’ Bellamy asked.

‘It’s not a meteor shower, it’s a funeral,’ Clarke answered darkly. ‘Hundreds of bodies being returned to Earth from the Ark. This is what it looks like from the other side. They didn’t get our message.’

Raven, furious, lunged at Bellamy.

‘This is all because of you!’ she yelled.

Clarke and Finn held her arms, stopping her.

‘I helped you find the radio!’ Bellamy protested.

‘Yeah, after you jacked it from my pod and trashed it!’

‘He knows,’ Clarke told her. ‘Now he has to live with it.’

Once again, I was tempted to tell them the truth. But everyone was watching us and I wasn’t sure people would like to hear what I had to say. So I stayed quiet.

‘All I know is my sister is out there and I’m gonna find her’, Bellamy said. ‘You coming or what?’

‘Yeah,’ Finn answered.

‘Then what are we waiting for? Move out!’

I walked ahead of the others so my vision wouldn’t be impaired by their torches. We were tense, hands gripping our weapons tightly, as ready as we could be for a Grounder attack. But as the hours passed, we didn’t see anyone. Some of the others relaxed, but Finn, Jasper, Bellamy and I didn’t. We had seen what Grounders were capable of with Jasper and we weren’t about to underestimate them. Especially not when Octavia might be in their hands.

We had retraced Octavia’s steps as best we could and had spread out, looking for clues as to what happened to her, when Mbege called out.

‘Look! Over here!’

We ran to him and he pointed at some bushes in the middle of a steep slope. There was definitely something there, but from that distance, I couldn’t see what it was.

‘Rope,’ Bellamy ordered.

‘What are you doing?’ Finn asked.

‘I need the rope to get back up.’

 _Or further down_ , I thought.

He got down to the bushes and seized what looked like a piece of cloth.

‘It’s hers!’ he said. ‘We’re going all the way down.’

The others hesitated but I grabbed the rope, carefully but quickly making my way to the bottom of the slope. I joined Bellamy, who was down on his knees.

‘What is it?’

He didn’t answer but showed me his hand. There was blood on his fingers and as I looked closer, I could see a stone covered in it on the ground.

‘It’s not dry,’ Bellamy said with a hollow voice.

‘If it’s hers, that means she was here not long ago,’ I told him. ‘And there isn’t much. She’s hurt, but alive.’

We were joined by Jasper and Finn.

‘Someone was here,’ Finn said. He pointed at tracks behind him.

‘Probably a man,’ I said, studying the foot prints. ‘They’re huge.’

‘The prints are deeper going that way,’ Finn added. ‘He was carrying her.’

‘If they took her, she’s alive,’ Jasper said. ‘Like when they took me.’

Bellamy looked at us and his faced hardened. We all got up and followed the tracks in tense silence. I was focused on my footing, so when Bellamy suddenly seized my wrist and stopped me, I looked at him, surprised. He was staring ahead, a horrified expression on his face. And as I turned to look as well, I understood why.

There were dozens of skeletons, strung up from the trees. Some of them had parts missing: an arm, several ribs, a foot… One was cut in half. I took a step back, my hand gripping my bow so hard my fingers hurt.

‘I don’t speak Grounder,’ Finn said,’ but I’m pretty sure this means keep out.’

‘Go back if you want,’ Bellamy said as whispers broke out among the group. ‘My sister, my responsibility.’

He started walking without even looking at the skeletons.

‘I’d walk into hell to find her,’ Jasper said.

‘I think we just did,’ Finn said as the three of us followed Bellamy.

Most of the others went back to camp, but Monroe, Roma, Mbege and Diggs accompanied us. We walked as the sun rose, slowly tinting the forest in golden tones. Had I not been so worried for my life, I would have marvelled at the beauty of it all. As it was, I was much more concerned about surviving the day.

And if I was tense, I wondered what Bellamy was feeling. That was his sister out there, injured, perhaps dead. He hadn’t said a word since we’d come across the skeletons and just went wherever Finn led us, staring straight ahead. And at the pace he was going, I was worried one of us would drop from exhaustion before we could find Octavia. I accelerated until I was walking next to him. He didn’t even glance my way.

‘You have to slow down,’ I said, keenly aware that he’d said the exact same thing to me when we were looking for Charlotte just days before. ‘I know you’re scared, but at this rate, we’ll be too tired to fight if we come across Grounders.’

‘Octavia’s out there,’ Bellamy retorted.

‘I know. That’s exactly why you need to slow down. It’s not just about the Grounders. If we go too fast, Finn might lose the trail.’

Bellamy’s eyes met mine and I could have cried at the pain and fear I saw in them. Without thinking, I grabbed his hand and held it tight. He stared at me, surprised, and I let go.

‘We’ll find her,’ I said, trying to ignore the tingling sensation from where my skin had touched his. ‘I promise.’

He nodded wordlessly and slowed his pace. The others didn’t say anything but from Jasper’s sigh of relief, I guessed they were grateful.

Unfortunately, my promise looked like it was going to be hard to keep. Around mid-morning, Finn couldn’t find any tracks or prints. We spread out but couldn’t find anything.

‘I got nothing,’ Finn said. ‘We lost the trail.’

‘Keep looking,’ Bellamy answered. ‘Y/N, you too.’

‘It’s no use,’ I said. ‘We need to go back.’

‘Wandering aimlessly isn’t the way to find your sister,’ Finn agreed. ‘We should backtrack.’

‘I’m not going back!’ Bellamy argued.

I was about to insist when Roma interrupted me.

‘Hey, where’s John?’ she asked.

We turned around. Mbege wasn’t with us. But it made no sense, I had just seen him.

‘I just saw him a second ago,’ Jasper said.

‘Spread out,’ Bellamy ordered. ‘He couldn’t have gotten that far.’

I had barely taken a step when I heard a loud thud. I whirled around and saw a body on the ground between Diggs and Monroe. We ran to them and I inhaled sharply at the sight. I had never liked John Mbege. He had been one of Murphy’s friend and one of the few who had wanted Charlotte to hang. But no one deserved to die like this. His eyes were open, still staring ahead in complete surprise, and I shivered.

‘They use the trees,’ Finn realized.

I nocked an arrow, not drawing the string but I wanted to be ready.

‘We shouldn’t have crossed the boundary,’ Diggs said.

‘Now, can we go back?’ Roma asked.

Suddenly, I saw a dark shape move about fifty yards away.

‘There,’ Jasper gasped. ‘Right there.’

Grounders were surrounding us, and I drew the string. I aimed at one of them but I didn’t want to shoot until they attacked. Maybe they were just trying to scare us.

‘We should run’, Finn whispered.

Bellamy nodded and we took off as fast as we could. The Grounders chased us, unrelenting and we headed deeper into the woods. We were actually going _away_ from camp but that was the only way that wasn’t blocked by a Grounder.

‘I can’t run much longer!’ Jasper gasped as he slowed down.

‘I’m not stopping for him!’ Diggs protested.

‘I’m sick of running anyway,’ Bellamy said, stopping.

‘Hey, what are you doing?’ Finn asked.

‘They know where she is.’

I shook my head frantically.

‘You don’t know that!’ I said. ‘And even if they do, what makes you think they’ll tell us? Bellamy, please, I don’t want to die.’

He looked at me and there was some hesitation in his eyes. But I knew it wouldn’t be enough. His worry for Octavia made him blind.

‘Diggs!’ Roma called. ‘Where are you?’

He yelled her name and she ran after him. We followed her and heard her scream. Before we could reach her, she ran away, panicked. And as I joined the others, I understood why. Diggs was dead, three spikes impaled in his body. God, they were picking us off like flies.

‘They’re leading us here,’ Jasper realized. ‘It’s the only direction we can run in.’

‘Where’d they go?’ Finn asked.

We looked around but there was no sign of the Grounder. Which could mean only one thing.

‘After Roma,’ Bellamy answered darkly.

We ran after her, following her footprints. Monroe spotted her first, leaning against a tree.

‘There she is. Roma!’

‘Easy,’ Finn said.

We approached and I swallowed a scream as I saw she was dead, impaled to the tree with a spear.

‘They’re playing with us,’ Finn said.

Bellamy closed her eyes, looking guilty.

‘She only came because of me.’

‘They can kill us whenever they want,’ Finn added.

‘Then they should,’ Jasper said. He looked around with a dark expression on his face. And then, he started screaming. ‘Get it over with! Come on! We know you’re out there! You wanna kill us?’

Finn and Bellamy tried to restrain him but he kept yelling and before long, Grounders appeared everywhere. One of them was running straight for us. I drew my bow, aiming at his chest.

‘Stop!’ I yelled. But he kept running and, almost as if I had lost control of my body, my fingers let go of the string. I watched the arrow fly, hypnotized. And I watched in horror as it sunk deeply into the Grounder’s chest.

He collapsed, unmoving and everything stopped. Myself, the others, the Grounders. For a second, we all watched the body. I was waiting for him to rise and attack again. I hadn’t killed him. I couldn’t have.

One of the Grounder let out a scream of rage and they all ran towards us, but suddenly, the sound of a horn blew in the distance. They fled without hesitating but I barely registered it, still staring at the body.

‘That horn,’ Jasper began. ‘What does it mean?’

‘Acid fog,’ Finn answered.

‘We have to run,’ Monroe said.

‘There’s no time.’

Finn pulled a tent out of his pack and laid it on the ground. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Monroe, Jasper and himself disappear under it. But I couldn’t move.

‘Y/N, come on!’ Bellamy said.

‘I killed him,’ I whispered. I wanted to throw up. In a haze, I took a step towards the body. Bellamy pulled me back and turned me around. He cupped my face between his hands.

‘You did what you had to do. He didn’t give you a choice.’

‘But…he would have left,’ I said, voice weak. ‘Like the others.’

My breathing sped up and I heard Finn call us, but his voice sounded distorted. I tried to look at the body again but Bellamy tightened his hold and pulled me towards the tent. I didn’t fight it and he led me inside. It was a tight fit and I ended up pressed between Bellamy and Finn. The fog was coming but at that point, I couldn’t have cared less. I sobbed, horrified at what I’d done.

Bellamy pulled me against him and I buried my head in the crook of his neck, eyes squeezed shut.

‘Breathe, Y/N,’ he said. ‘Just breathe. It’s okay. You’re all right, Sunshine.’

I knew I was on the edge of a breakdown. I had killed someone. So what if he had attacked us, what if Grounders had killed three of our people today? It didn’t change the cold, hard fact that I had blood on my hands.

Eventually, I pulled away from Bellamy and offered him a tight smile, the best I could do at the moment to thank him.

‘How long are we supposed to wait?’ Jasper asked.

‘Will this even work?’

‘We’ll find out,’ Finn answered.

‘No, we won’t,’ Bellamy said.

He stuck his head out, followed by the rest of us.

‘There’s no fog,’ he said. I wiped the tears of my cheeks and got up, looking around. The body was still there and I averted my eyes.

 ‘Maybe it was a false alarm,’ Finn wondered.

Suddenly, we saw a Grounder. He was running, about a hundred yards away, thankfully not towards us.

‘They’re coming back,’ Bellamy said.

‘No, I think he’s alone,’ Jasper protested.

‘Now can we run?’ Monroe asked.

The Grounder was still running, getting further away with each second.

‘He doesn’t see us,’ Bellamy realized. ‘I’m going after him.’

 ‘Right now?’ Finn whispered. ‘And then what? Kill him?’

 _No_ , I thought almost violently. The disgust must have shown on my face because Bellamy gave me a sympathetic smile.

‘No. We catch him,’ he answered and my relief almost overwhelmed me. That feeling quickly changed when Bellamy kept going. ‘And make him tell me where Octavia is, then kill him.’

He started walking towards the Grounder and I followed. I would have argued, but from the look on his face, it would be no use. Discreetly, we followed the Grounder through the forest. It wasn’t long until he stopped. He knelt and pushed some sort of crate covered with moss away. He disappeared under it. We waited a few seconds and followed. Bellamy jumped down first and extended his arm to help me. Once we were all inside, I realized we were in a network of caves that was carefully hidden. I hoped the Grounder was alone and we hadn’t stupidly walked in their secret hideout.

We heard rattling come from the right and we headed that way, carefully. Bellamy had his hatchet firmly in hand but I couldn’t even touch my bow, the memory of the man I’d killed too fresh in my mind.

We entered a cave that was bigger than the others and to our surprise, saw Octavia, chained up to the wall, next to the unconscious Grounder.

‘Octavia!’ Bellamy called as he ran to her.

‘Give me the key!’ she said desperately.

‘Monroe! Watch the entrance,’ Bellamy ordered.

He finally managed to free Octavia and pulled her up in a tight embrace.

‘It’s okay,’ he said. ‘You’re okay.’

She was limping and had an ugly head wound but despite that, she seemed all right.

‘How did you find me?’ she asked as she hugged me, then Jasper.

‘I followed him,’ he answered, gesturing to the Grounder.

‘We should go,’ she said. ‘Now, before he wakes up.’

‘He’s not going to wake up,’ Bellamy answered darkly.

He took a spear that was resting against a wall and stalked to the Grounder.

‘Bellamy, stop!’ Octavia protested. ‘He didn’t hurt me, let’s just go.’

‘They started this.’

‘No!’ I said, gripping his arm. ‘You don’t want to do this. Trust me.’

He shook me off, eyes wild with rage.

‘Finn, move!’ he ordered.

Finn had knelt beside the Grounder and had a horn in his hands. The one, I realized, that had blown when the Grounders were attacking us.

Suddenly, the Grounder jumped up and stabbed Finn before any of us could react. He tripped Bellamy and got up as Octavia knelt next to Finn. I grabbed the Grounder’s arm as he attacked Bellamy and he shoved me away. I crashed to the wall, my head smacking painfully against the stone and I saw stars for a few seconds. The Grounder took Bellamy’s spear away from and held it to his throat. I took one of my knives and struck him in his back, trying to shove it as deeply as I could. I didn’t want to kill him, but I didn’t have a choice.

Screaming in pain and anger, he struck me across the face and the sheer strength of the blow had my ears ringing. I collapsed, feeling the right side of my face start to bruise immediately. There was blood in my mouth and I was pretty sure I had a concussion but I couldn’t care less, not when the Grounder had gripped the spear again and was about to impale Bellamy.

‘Stop!’ Octavia screamed. ‘That’s my brother!’

The Grounder didn’t relent, and Bellamy’s face contorted with the effort of keeping the point of the spear away from his neck. I tried to get up but my head was spinning and I couldn’t even rise to my knees. Suddenly, Jasper struck the Grounder in the head with a metal pole and the man collapsed, unconscious once more.

We all breathed a sigh of relief, but that didn’t last long. Finn was barely conscious, the knife still lodged in his chest, his skin so pale it was almost translucid.

‘We have to get him to camp,’ Jasper said frantically.

Bellamy and him each took an arm, carefully lifting Finn up. He grunted from the pain, his head lolling on his shoulders. I tried to get up but my head spun and I collapsed once more. I wanted to throw up and my head was killing me.

‘Y/N?’ Bellamy asked. ‘You okay?’

I nodded, immediately regretting it when the nausea rose. Unable to control myself, I threw up. Octavia limped to me and held my hair. When I was sure I was done, she pulled me away. She looked at my head, carefully lifting my hair and I winced when her fingers brushed against a wound I hadn’t even realized was there.

‘Shit,’ she cursed. ‘Bell, that doesn’t look good.’

‘Neither does Finn,’ Jasper said. ‘Should we take out the knife?’

‘No, leave it,’ Bellamy answered firmly. ‘Monroe!’

She came back running and I wondered how she hadn’t heard the commotion. Her eyes widened at the sight but she immediately sprang to action. She helped Bellamy and Jasper with Finn, as Octavia got me upright. My head was pounding but I could walk. My only problem was balance. The entire world was spinning and it seemed to go even faster when I moved. As for Octavia, she was limping heavily.

We quickly found a way to help each other, using the other’s body as a crutch. Like this, we moved remarkably quickly for two people who couldn’t stay upright on their own.

We left the Grounder behind, alive to my relief. Getting out of the caves was tricky but we managed and thankfully, the place where Octavia had been held wasn’t too far from camp. We only walked for a couple hours but it seemed to be forever. My headache only grew as time passed. I couldn’t recognize the woods, even though I knew I had been there several times. And God, I was so tired.

‘Y/N, you have to stay awake,’ Octavia said.

I forced my eyes open, wincing at the light.

‘I’m fine,’ I tried to say. But from the face she made, I wasn’t exactly comprehensible.

When we finally reached camp, I was so relieved I could have cried. Jasper started yelling for Clarke and I winced as the sound made my headache even worse.

She ran to us, looking worriedly at Octavia and me. And although the both of us certainly needed medical care, we weren’t the priority.

‘It’s Finn,’ I mumbled.

Bellamy and Monroe came through the gates, carrying an unconscious Finn. Clarke’s face paled considerably and she ran to him.

‘He’s alive,’ she said after feeling his pulse.

‘Bellamy wouldn’t let me take the knife out,’ Jasper explained.

‘No, that was a good call. Get him into the dropship. Now! Go!’

I watched as Finn was carried off, hoping against all odds he would make it out okay. I stumbled and Octavia almost fell trying to catch me. Clarke, seeing it, ran to us.

‘Are you okay?’

‘I’m fine,’ Octavia answered. ‘Y/N was hit in the head.’

‘I’m okay. Just focus on Finn.’

‘Jasper!’ Clarke called. ‘Help them into the drop ship. Get them water and do _not_ let Y/N fall asleep.’

Jasper took one of my arm and looped it around his shoulder. He reached out to help Octavia as well but she shook her head, heading for Bellamy. Jasper helped me into the dropship and sat me down against the wall. I winced at the pain in my head and tried to breathe evenly, hoping it would help with the nausea. I had no doubt I would be okay. It would be a painful and uncomfortable path to recovery but in a few days, I would be right as rain.

As I watched Finn get lowered on the table, however, I realized he might not be so lucky. His survival was now entirely in Clarke’s hands.


	7. Chapter 7

The storm that raged outside the dropship was violent, so violent that I could feel the metal underneath me vibrate with each gust of wind. I was leaning against the wall, my head between my knees and I wanted to die.

For hours now, I had been struggling not to throw up as the pain in my head increased. Clarke had quickly diagnosed me with a concussion before returning to Finn. Jasper had disappeared with Monty and I was left with Octavia, the both of us trying to recuperate from the day’s event.

‘I hate this,’ Octavia said, looking at Finn.

He was still unconscious, lying on an improvised table. Raven had been working on the radio for hours, trying to reach the Ark and more importantly, Clarke’s mother, Dr Abby Griffin. But it didn’t take a doctor to see that Finn didn’t have much time left.

‘He’ll be fine,’ I answered Octavia. My words were slurred.

The crack of thunder echoed throughout the dropship and I whimpered as the sound reverberated in my head. Octavia patted my knee and I was grateful for the small comfort. I had never dealt with pain well. Even as a child, the smallest cut on a finger made me scream as if my whole hand had been ripped off.

And the noise the others made around us didn’t improve my raging headache. Due to the storm, almost everyone had taken shelter on the first level of the dropship. Bellamy was gone, along with Monty and Jasper. The more time passed, the more violent the storm got and the more worried I was.

On the other side of the room, Raven was trying to contact the Ark. Clarke couldn’t take the knife out of Finn’s chest on her own and she needed her mother’s help. But so far, Raven’s calls had been unanswered.

I suddenly felt someone shaking me. I struggled to open my eyes, and it took me some time to realize I had been falling asleep. Octavia was looking at me worriedly and Clarke was rushing to us.

‘Y/N, you can’t sleep yet,’ Clarke said, kneeling beside me.

‘I know,’ I answered. ‘I’m trying.’

‘Try harder,’ Octavia said. ‘You scared me for a second.’

I sent her an apologetic smile.

‘Octavia,’ Clarke began, ‘could you get me something to sterilize my tools please? I’ll handle Y/N.’

Octavia stood up and walked out of the dropship. I was relieved to see she wasn’t limping as badly as before. I focused back on Clarke, who was observing me with a serious look on her face.

‘What’s your name?’ she asked.

‘You don’t know my name?’ I answered, insulted.

She rolled her eyes.

‘Of course, I know your name. I’m just making sure you still do.’

‘Y/N Kane,’ I said. ‘And before you ask, yes, I know who the Chancellor is.’

Without dignifying my wit with an answer, she dug in her pocket and took a flashlight. She shone it in my eyes, one after the other, and sighed.

‘Your pupils are still dilated,’ she said. ‘I expected them to react normally to the light by now.’

‘So? What does that mean?’

‘I don’t know. I’ve never dealt with a concussion before. Just focus on staying awake for now, all right?’

I nodded, even though I wanted nothing more than lying down and sleeping for the next century or so. Clarke went back to Finn, and checked his wound. I rested my head against the wall, struggling to keep my eyes open.

‘Calling Ark Station,’ Raven repeated on the other side of the room. ‘Come in, please. Ark Station, this is Raven Reyes. Are you there? Please, come in.’

She shook her head at the silence, defeated.

‘Repeat, calling Ark Station. The Hundred are alive. Can anyone hear me?’

I was staring at her, and when a voice crackled from the radio, I saw the disbelief and surprise in her eyes.

‘This is a restricted channel,’ the voice said. ‘Who is this? Please identify yourself.’

We all looked at Raven, some even getting closer. She had done it. After hours of unanswered calls, she had managed to contact the Ark.

‘This is Raven Reyes,’ she answered. ‘I’m from Mecha Station, I’m transmitting from the ground. The Hundred are alive.’

I stood up slowly, leaning against the wall. Monroe saw me and hurried over, helping me to the table where Raven sat. The Chancellor would most likely want to talk to us himself, and with luck, my father would too. After weeks apart, I wanted nothing more than to hear his voice.

‘You need to get Dr. Abby Griffin,’ Raven continued. ‘Dr. Abby Griffin, now.’

‘Hang on,’ the man answered. ‘We’re trying to boost your signal.’

We waited in tense silence for some time. Monroe had an arm around my waist to make sure I wouldn’t fall, and I could feel her shaking. She was brave, arguably one of the bravest people in the room, but at this moment, she was nothing more than a scared kid. Like the rest of us.

The radio crackled again, and the person who spoke was a woman.

‘Raven,’ she said. ‘Are you there?’

Clarke gasped, her face suddenly pale. She leaned over Raven’s shoulder, staring at the radio in wonder.

‘Mom?’ she called.

‘Clarke?’ the woman answered.

Raven looked at Finn, breathing a sigh of relief. Dr. Griffin was there and she would hopefully be able to help with his wound. But, as selfish as it made me feel, all I cared about was hearing my father’s voice.

‘Mom, I need your help,’ Clarke continued, focusing back on the situation at hand. ‘One of our people was stabbed by a Grounder.’

‘Clarke, this is the Chancellor,’ a man answered. I recognized Jaha’s voice and wondered if my father was in the room as well. ‘Are you saying there are survivors on the ground?’

‘Yes. The Earth is survivable. We’re not alone.’

There was silence on the other side as they processed the information. But we had no time to spare.

‘Mom,’ Clarke said, ‘he’s dying. The knife’s still in his chest. And Y/N got hit in the head. I think she has a concussion.’

‘Y/N Kane?’ a man asked. I recognized the voice immediately and my heart skipped a beat. It was my father’s voice. I teared up and inhaled sharply. Clarke smiled at me encouragingly and I leaned over the radio.

‘Dad?’ I asked with a shaky voice. ‘Is that you?’

‘It’s me,’ he answered immediately. ‘Are you hurt?’ His voice was devoid of any emotion and to anyone else, it would have seemed as if he didn’t care about me at all. But I knew better. I could hear the relief and worry underneath his detached tone.

‘I’ll be fine,’ I said. I wanted nothing more than to keep talking with him, but Finn had to come first. ‘We can talk later.’

For a second, I considered stopping there. But there was one more thing I needed to say, one thing I hadn’t said to my father in years.

‘I love you.’

I held my breath as I waited and the silence was deafening. But after what seemed like an eternity, the radio crackled again.

‘I love you too. Be careful.’

I breathed out, smiling tearfully. I couldn’t wait to see him again, so we could finally fix all that had come between us these past few years. He was my father. We would make it work.

‘Thank you,’ I whispered to Raven.

Without her, we wouldn’t have been able to contact the Ark and they would have suffocated in space, unaware that we had survived. We owed everything to her. She nodded. The radio crackled again and we focused back on the task at hand.

‘Clarke,’ Jaha called. ‘Is my son with you?’

We could have heard a pin drop in the ship. We all turned to look at Clarke, who seemed heartbroken. With all that had happened, I had nearly forgotten how close Wells and she used to be. I admired her strength. Despite everything, she kept going and tried to protect as many people as she could.

‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘Wells is- Wells is dead.’

Jaha didn’t answer. After some time, Dr. Griffin spoke again.

‘Alright,’ she said ‘Let’s focus on your friend. I’m gonna talk you through it step by step,’

Clarke, who was leaning over Finn, nodded. The storm picked up again and we heard metal grinding, the sound reverberating painfully in my head. I whimpered and Monroe looked at me, worried.

‘Are you okay?’

‘There’s too much noise,’ I answered, eyes squeezed shut.

‘Let’s get you somewhere quieter then.’

She led me to the ladder and I stared at her in disbelief. There was no way I could climb that in my condition. But it seemed Monroe didn’t care. She insisted and I grabbed the bars, pushing myself up. It was slow progress and I was terrified of falling the whole time, but Monroe was right behind me. I reached the second level, but there were people there as well. I climbed again, my head swimming. By the time I reached the third level, I was gasping for breath and the nausea was overwhelming.

‘Do you want to sit down?’ Monroe asked.

‘No, I’ll fall.’

She nodded and pulled me until I was leaning against the wall. I closed my eyes, trying to quell the dizziness. It was blessedly quiet and even the storm seemed farther away.

‘Don’t fall asleep!’ Monroe ordered.

I opened my eyes, annoyed. As if I hadn’t understood the first ten times. But it wouldn’t be fair to yell when all she was trying to do was help. We suddenly heard a commotion coming from the lower levels. Monroe opened the hatch and gasped.

‘What is it?’ I asked.

‘Stay back,’ she answered.

I huffed, ready to get up and see for myself what was happening, when Bellamy’s head appeared. He climbed in and I looked at him carefully, searching for any wound. He was completely drenched, but he seemed all right. He saw me and frowned at the dark bruises that covered the right side of my face, from my temple to my jaw. Kneeling beside me, he cupped my chin. The gesture was so comforting, I didn’t think to be surprised at how easily he was touching me.

‘Hey there, Sunshine,’ he said. ‘How’s the head?’

‘Concussed,’ I replied with a small smile. ‘Where were you?’

He didn’t answer, and as I turned to the hatch, I understood why. Miller and Thomas were pulling something heavy to the third level.

 _Not something,_ I realized. _Someone._

The Grounder. He was blindfolded and had been beaten unconscious, but as he was dropped on the floor, I could see he was waking up. Bellamy looked at him with hatred and I shivered.

‘Why did you bring him here?’ I asked, even though I was pretty sure I already knew.

‘We need answers,’ he replied, watching as Miller and Thomas tied him up in a standing position. ‘We need to know why they’re killing us.’

‘And you think he’s just going to tell you?’

Bellamy looked at me and the darkness in his eyes worried me. That Grounder had kidnapped and hurt Octavia. There was no telling what Bellamy would do to him.

‘I’ll make him tell me.’

I was about to protest but the Grounder suddenly woke up, fighting against the restraints. In the darkness of the cave, I hadn’t been able to look at him closely. But now, under the light of the dropship, I saw that he was older than me by a few years, in his mid-twenties, dark-skinned and well-built. He twisted to the side and for a second, I noticed that the back of his shirt was soaked in blood. I remembered stabbing him with my knife, and although it wasn’t a long blade, I kept it sharpened. And yet, the Grounder didn’t even seem to notice the injury.

‘He’s awake!’ Miller said.

‘Tighter!’ Bellamy ordered, standing up. ‘Last thing we need is this bastard getting free because you screwed up!’

Octavia climbed in as well, eyes fixed on the Grounder. She looked horrified. As soon as he saw her, the Grounder calmed down, no longer pulling on the restraints.

‘Octavia, get out of here!’ Bellamy said.

‘I told you, he was protecting me,’ she answered. ‘You didn’t have to do this.’

‘This isn’t about you. I’m doing this for all of us.’

‘You did _that_ for all of us?’ she asked, gesturing at the bruises on the Grounder’s face.

‘No,’ he answered darkly. ‘I did that for Finn, and Jasper, and Diggs, and John, and Roma.’

‘It wasn’t even him!’

‘You don’t know that. We need to know what we’re up against. How many are there? Why are they killing us? And he’s gonna tell us right now.’

He walked to the Grounder but Octavia tried to stop him.

‘No, Bellamy, please!’

Bellamy shook her off.

‘Miller, get her out of here.’

‘I was there,’ she protested. ‘I swea- Hey! Get off of me!’

She yanked her arm out of Miller’s grip, scowling. She then turned to me, her eyes pleading.

‘You can’t be okay with this,’ she said. ‘Tell him to stop!’

‘Stop?’ Bellamy scoffed. ‘Look at her face. He hurt her. If you think I’m stopping now-’

‘Y/N, please!’ Octavia begged.

I hesitated. On one hand, tying someone up and torturing them was beyond wrong. It was horrifying, an act so despicable I could barely stand to think about it. On the other hand, three people had just died and if we did nothing, we were as good as dead. This was war. If the Grounder had answers, we needed to hear them.

I looked at Octavia, staying silent.

‘You’re not who I thought you were,’ she said and I flinched at the harshness of her tone. She then turned to Bellamy with a sneer. ‘I don’t even think he speaks English. He won’t understand you.’

She climbed down as Bellamy approached the Grounder.

‘Oh, I think he will.’

I sighed deeply after Octavia was gone. The entire situation was messed up.

‘What’s your name?’ Bellamy asked.

The Grounder stayed silent, staring at the wall.

‘Your name,’ Bellamy insisted. ‘What is it?’

And so it began. Bellamy asked questions, the Grounder stayed silent and the rest of us watched, waiting to see who would break first. At least, the presence of a tied up, pissed off man in the room kept me from falling asleep. Clarke would be thrilled.

An hour later, the storm got worse. We could hear trees falling in the distance, the wind was howling and the rain was deafening. Suddenly, the ship lurched. I fell backwards and my head smacked against a crate, the agonizing pain reverberating through my entire body. I whimpered, curling up in a foetal position on the floor. I felt hands grab my waist and I was pulled up carefully. Bellamy, because of course it was him, led me to a chair and helped me sit, looking at me with worried eyes.

‘Thomas, get down there and make sure it’s not a Grounder attack,’ he ordered. ‘Miller, check the restraints.’

Both boys got to work but Bellamy stayed with me and gently cupped my face in his hands, turning my head so he could get a look at the wound. His fingers ran through my hair and he scowled when they came back stained with blood.

He teared a piece of his shirt and held it against the wound, stroking my arm softly when I cried out. I took a deep breath and worked past the pain.

‘I’m okay,’ I said.

‘Like hell you are,’ he answered. ‘Keep this up and you’re gonna need a helmet, Sunshine.’

I glared at him and he smirked. Thomas came back up and Bellamy turned to him.

‘What the hell was that? Are we under attack or not?’

‘Storm damage,’ Thomas answered. ‘We’re okay.’

I sighed in relief, but Bellamy looked even more tense. I didn’t think that was possible.

‘We’re gonna try this one more time,’ he said darkly at the Grounder. ‘What’s your name?’

The Grounder stayed silent and Bellamy clenched his jaw in anger.

‘Where’s your camp? How many of you are there?’

‘Hey!’ Miller called suddenly. ‘Check it out.’

He was kneeling next to the Grounder’s pack and I tried to get up to join him but before I could, Bellamy had an arm around my waist. I was too exhausted to be annoyed, so I let him walk me to Miller and offered him a smile when he helped me sit.

‘What is all this stuff?’ Miller asked. He was holding a box, filled with vials of different liquids.

‘Who the hell knows with these people,’ Bellamy answered. He was ready to dismiss the box but I grabbed it. I opened one of the vials and inhaled. I recognized the smell immediately.

‘This is sage,’ I told the others. ‘You can use it to reduce inflammation, kill bacteria or just to fight a cold.’ I opened another. ‘And that one is feverfew. Mild painkiller.’

I took another one, expecting a medicinal plant like the others but when I unscrewed the cap, I started coughing violently. Bellamy ripped it from my hand and screwed the cap back.

‘That’s deadly nightshade,’ I coughed. ‘Mixed with something else, I don’t know what. It’s poison.’

Bellamy took the box from my hands, putting it away and I rolled my eyes. But I quickly forgot about the vials when he pulled out a notebook out of the pack. The Grounder grunted, pulling against his restraints and staring at the book.

‘I think we found something he doesn’t want us to see,’ Bellamy said.

He flipped it open and we saw drawings on almost every page or forests, animals and ruins.

‘These aren’t bad,’ Bellamy said. But as he turned the next page, we saw a portrait of Octavia. Bellamy looked at the Grounder with a dark look on his face, but ignored it for the time being. As he skimmed through the book, he stopped on a drawing of our camp. And besides it, dozens of little marks.

‘It’s our camp,’ Bellamy said. ‘I’m guessing if I counted all those marks, it would add up to 103. Ten are crossed out. That’s how many people we’ve lost.’

He stood up, walking to the Grounder.

‘They’ve been watching us ever since we got here.’

The interrogation resumed, but I focused on the box of vials. I felt useless, sitting here, doing nothing. If I could identify what was in those vials, I would at least have done something useful.

Carefully, I sniffed each one. I worked fast, and in a matter of minutes, I had identified three medicinal ones and three that were poisonous. I couldn’t figure out the last two by smell alone, and I wasn’t about to taste them.

I heard someone come up the ladder and Clarke entered, her hair dishevelled and her hands covered in blood.

‘How’s Finn?’ I asked.

‘Alive,’ she answered. She was staring at the Grounder, wary. She tried to get closer but Thomas stopped her.

‘Get the hell out of my way!’

‘It’s okay,’ Bellamy said. ‘Let her through.’

She stared at the Grounder, taking in the bruises, the blood and the restraints pulling on his wrists.

‘Well,’ she began. ‘If he didn’t hate us before, he does now.’

Bellamy scowled and pulled her away from the Grounder.

‘Who cares?’ he asked.

‘His people will care,’ she replied. ‘How long until they figure out where he is? And what happens when they do? When they come looking for him? Because they will.’

‘Relax, princess. No one saw us take him. He was chained up in that cave the entire time and thanks to the storm, we didn’t see a soul on the way back.’

Bellamy untied the leather that kept the notebook closed and showed her the page with the marks.

‘Look, in case you missed it, his people are already killing us. How many more of our people need to die until you realize we’re fighting a war?’

‘We’re not soldiers, Bellamy!’ she protested before gesturing at the Grounder. ‘Look at him. We can’t win.’

‘You’re right. We can’t if we don’t fight.’

She was about to insist when Raven screamed that Finn was seizing from the first level. Clarke hurried down, and as soon as she was gone, Bellamy closed the hatch, locking it behind him.

‘Miller,’ he called.

Miller walked to the Grounder and started again with the stream of questions, but I didn’t listen. Bellamy sat down next to me and rested his head against the wall, hidden from the Grounder’s sight. He suddenly looked exhausted, and I felt stupid. How had I not seen how tiring this was to him? We’d all had a rough couple of days, especially Bellamy.

‘Are you okay?’ I asked quietly.

He hummed, keeping his eyes closed.

‘Do you think I’m wrong?’ he asked. ‘About bringing him here?’

‘I think,’ I began carefully, ‘that the circumstances weren’t ideal. There was the storm, Finn was hurt and the Grounders could have attacked any minute. It was either leave him in that cave and let his people find him first, or bring him here. You didn’t really have a choice. And you’re right, we do need answers. But how far are you willing to go to get them? That’s what I’m worried about.’

He chuckled, looking at me with pity.

‘You still think I’m one of the good guys, don’t you? Y/N, I killed three hundred people yesterday.’

God, how I wanted to tell him the truth. That no matter what he did, those people would have died anyway. And that so many more would be killed in the weeks to come. But as always, I kept my mouth shut.

‘You were scared,’ I told him instead.

‘Yeah. But that’s no excuse, is it? Shit, I _choked_ you. You’re not even mad about that?’

I thought about it. I could still remember the feeling of his arm pressing on my throat, the pain in my head as I passed out. But so many things had happened since then.

‘Bellamy, I killed a man today. You choking me isn’t exactly high on my priority list.’

‘I told you-’

‘I didn’t have a choice, yeah. But I did. And that’s my cross to bear.’

Bellamy stared at me, and his face softened.

‘You’re too good for this world, Sunshine. What did you even do to get yourself arrested?’

My heart thudded painfully in my chest. I knew someone would ask eventually. I couldn’t keep it a secret forever. But God, what was I supposed to answer? I looked at him and saw nothing but genuine interest in his eyes.

And if I didn’t tell Bellamy, then who? Despite all odds, he was the person I was closest to down there.

‘Do you remember the sickness that spread through the Ark two years ago?’ I asked, continuing when he nodded. ‘Almost everyone caught it. It mostly killed the children and the elders, but everyone was so worried they’d die.’

‘Did you get sick?’ he asked.

‘Yeah. But I got better quickly. I didn’t even need medicine. The real problem came when my grandmother caught the virus. She couldn’t get out of bed, was barely conscious enough to drink. She couldn’t eat at all without throwing up. She got her dose of medicine, and for a day, it worked. I thought she was going to be okay. And if she’d had more meds, she would have been. But because of rationing, she was only given one dose. And soon, the sickness took over. She was dying, and there was nothing I could do. Everyone, even my father, accepted that she was going to die. But I couldn’t. Not after my mother. So, one night, I snuck out and broke into the med bay. I found the meds and stole them. I gave them to my nana and when she woke up the next morning, I knew it had worked. She wasn’t out of the woods yet, but she was strong enough to recover on her own. Everyone said it was a miracle. Everyone, except my father. He took one look at me and he knew.’

‘And he sold you out to the guards?’ Bellamy asked, incredulous.

‘No. Not yet. First, he took me to the med bay. It was empty, save for one bed. There was a little girl, lying there. Dead. There wasn’t any medicine left to save her.’

‘Y/N-’

‘I killed that child. I was so hellbent on saving my grandmother, I didn’t even think to consider the cost. My dad told me she was supposed to get the last dose of meds. The one I’d stolen the night before. He told me her name was Kira. She was five years old, and she wanted to be a doctor. I remember her face. How small she looked in the bed.’

I wiped the tears from my cheeks, trying to control myself.

‘But still. I didn’t regret what I’d done. So my father told the guards I had stolen food, since it wasn’t as serious as medicine. I had a good record. I’m sure he thought I would be in my cell for a year and then I could just go home. I bet he didn’t consider that I would be sent to Earth.’

Bellamy was silent next to me. I didn’t dare look at him. Would he think differently of me, now that he knew what I’d done? Would he hate me? I wouldn’t blame him if he did. I had never told anyone why I was arrested. Not even my grandmother knew the truth. I was too scared she would stop visiting me in the Skybox.

‘Maybe the real problem was the Ark,’ Bellamy finally said, ‘rationing meds when people were dying. Did you ever think about that? Maybe they’re the real monsters here, Y/N.’

He took my hand and rubbed his thumb over my knuckles. I nodded, my eyes blurry with unshed tears.

I was about to thank him when someone started pounding on the hatch. I recognized Clarke’s voice.

‘Open the door!’ she yelled.

Miller removed the box that kept the hatch closed and opened it. Clarke climbed in, ordering him to get out of her way. Octavia followed, still limping. Bellamy got up as Clarke walked up to the Grounder, her face contorted in anger. She held a knife up to his face, and I realized it was the one the Grounder had used to stab Finn.

‘What’s on this?’ she asked.

‘What are you talking about?’ Bellamy asked.

‘He poisoned the blade. All this time, he knew Finn was gonna die no matter what we did! What is it? Is there an antidote?’

‘Clarke, he doesn’t understand you!’ Octavia protested.

Bellamy turned around and our eyes locked. In a second, we both realized we’d forgotten about the box. I got up, leaning against the wall and seized the vials. Bellamy ran to me.

‘It’s gotta be here,’ he said.

‘One of those five,’ I said, handing him those I had identified as medicinal and the two I couldn’t figure out. ‘The others are poisonous.’

Clarke took the vials, studying them with a sharp eye.

‘You’d have to be stupid to have a poison around this long without an antidote,’ she said. She turned to the Grounder once again. ‘Which one?’

‘Answer the question!’ Bellamy ordered.

The Grounder stayed silent. He was looking at Octavia, who seemed desperate.

‘Show us,’ she begged. ‘Please.’

‘Which one?’ Clarke repeated. ‘Our friend is dying down there and you can stop that!’

The Grounder remained quiet, his face blank, his body still.

‘I’ll get him to talk,’ Bellamy said.

‘Bellamy, no!’ Octavia protested. She grabbed his arm and tried to pull her back but he pushed her away.

‘He wants Finn to die! Why can’t you see that?’ he yelled at her before turning to Clarke. ‘Do you want him to live or not?’

‘Clarke,’ Octavia said,’ you even said it yourself. This is not who we are. He was protecting me. He saved my life.’

‘We’re talking about Finn’s life!’ Bellamy replied.

They both looked at Clarke, awaiting her answer.

‘Do it,’ she said.

‘No,’ Octavia breathed.

Bellamy moved to one of the seats as Octavia begged the Grounder to tell us which was the antidote. But he kept staring at her in silence. Miller and Thomas started to push her back as Bellamy ripped one of the seatbelts. He cut the shirt of the Grounder, baring his chest.

‘You’re gonna show us the antidote,’ he said, ‘or you’re gonna wish you had.’

Octavia begged him to stop, but Bellamy struck, the metal of the belt hitting the Grounder with a sickening noise. He grunted, the only sign of the pain he must be feeling. I couldn’t move. This was wrong, so wrong but Finn would die without the antidote. I tried to think of a better way but my mind was a mess and I came up empty.

Bellamy struck a second time, and Clarke stopped him, kneeling in front of the Grounder and spreading the vials in front of the Grounder.

‘Please,’ she said. ‘Which one’s the antidote?’

‘Just tell them!’ Octavia begged.

He stayed silent and Bellamy pulled Clarke up. He struck the Grounder again, and again, and I flinched with every hit.

‘Enough!’ Octavia yelled after another swing of the belt. The Grounder was panting, struggling to stay on his feet.

‘Clarke!’ came Raven’s voice from the lower levels. ‘He’s getting worse!’

‘We’re running out of time,’ Clarke said as she knelt in front of the Grounder again. ‘Which one? Which one is it? If you tell us, they’ll stop! Please, tell us which is the antidote and they’ll stop this.’

At the lack of answer, Bellamy threw the belt away. He turned away from the Grounder and for a brief second, his mask of indifference dropped. He had a haunted look on his eyes and his hands shook. He met my gaze and his jaw clenched. He then took a metal rivet, turning back to the others.

‘If that didn’t work, maybe this will. Clarke, you don’t have to be here for this.’

‘I’m not leaving until I get that antidote.’

He nodded and turned to me. I shook my head. I wasn’t going anywhere either.

‘Last chance,’ he told the Grounder.

The Grounder remained silent, and Bellamy struck, impaling his hand with the rivet. I had to fight off the urge to throw up as I saw the wound, and the blood leaking from it. The Grounder’s arm was shaking, but his face was blank. That’s when I realized torture wouldn’t work. I grabbed Bellamy’s arm, pulling him closer.

‘This isn’t working,’ I said lowly. ‘We have to find another way.’

‘You got something better? I’m all ears, Sunshine.’

I was about to answer when Raven climbed in.

‘What’s taking so long?’ she asked. ‘Finn stopped breathing.’

‘What?’ Clarke yelled, panicked.

‘He started again but next time, he might not.’

‘He won’t tell us anything,’ Clarke told her, gesturing at the Grounder.

‘Wanna bet?’ Raven said. She walked to the wall and started ripping out wires.

‘What are you doing?’ Bellamy asked.

The wires broke and electricity crackled, making the Grounder jump.

‘Showing him something new,’ she answered.

For the first time, the Grounder looked afraid. He was staring at the wires with terror, trying to get away from them. But Raven pushed them against his skin and he started screaming as electricity coursed through his body.

‘Which one is it?’ Raven asked. ‘Come on!’

She electrocuted him again, tears of despair running down her face.

‘He’s all I have!’ she yelled.

‘No more!’ Octavia suddenly shouted. She had the Grounder’s knife in her hand.

‘He’s letting Finn die!’ Raven protested.

Before we could react, Octavia cut herself deeply with the knife.

‘Octavia, no!’ Bellamy yelled.

‘He won’t let me die,’ she said, looking at the Grounder.

‘Octavia, what the hell did-’

She pushed past Bellamy’s outstretched arms, kneeling in front of the Grounder. She pointed at the vials, asking for the antidote. To my surprise, he leaned his head to the right and when she seized the smallest vial, he nodded. She gave it to Clarke, who ran downstairs with Raven.

Bellamy tried to pull his sister up but she shoved him away.

‘Don’t touch me!’ she yelled.

She rolled a piece of cloth around the wound, and climbed down the ladder. Miller and Thomas soon left as well, and then it was just Bellamy, the Grounder and me.

Bellamy was still staring at the floor, his eyes wide with horror. I walked to him, pleased that I could do so without falling, and took his arm, leading him to the other side of the room. There, we were hidden from the Grounder’s sight. Bellamy sat down on a crate, burying his head in his hands. I sat down next to him, unsure of what to do to comfort him. I wasn’t even sure why I wanted to.

I didn’t say anything, and neither did he. For a long time, we just stayed there and I waited for Bellamy to sort through his feelings. When he did, he straightened up and offered me a tight smile.

‘Stay here,’ he said. ‘I’ll get Clarke to take a look at you.’

 I had almost forgotten about my concussion, but now that the adrenaline had left me, I was exhausted. Clarke came back up, and after assuring me that both Finn and Octavia had drank the antidote and were going to be fine, she examined me. To my relief, she deemed me well enough to sleep. I thanked her and lied down, uncaring that the Grounder was just a few feet away. I was too tired.

As soon as my head touched the floor, I was out.


	8. Chapter 8

One advantage to living on a radiation soaked planet where most of the population was extinct was the abundance of wildlife. Nature had taken back the ruins of long-forgotten cities and animals prowled the land, undisturbed.

For the most part.

I crouched behind some bushes, nocking an arrow on the string of my bow. A few yards away, a deer was grazing. The rest of the herd wasn’t far, but this one had wandered off and I knew this was my only chance of bringing back some meat for tonight’s dinner.

I had sneaked out of camp that morning, before the sun rose. It had been two days since we had rescued Octavia from the Grounder and my concussion was now no more than an unpleasant memory. But Bellamy didn’t see it that way. Every time I had tried to get out of bed, he appeared out of nowhere and dragged me back to the drop ship. And although it was sweet of him to worry, I was very close to murdering him.

So, when I’d heard we had no more meat, I’d slipped away. I had missed hunting. Being alone in the woods, bow in hand, listening intently for the slightest noise, all that was exhilarating. I knew there were Grounders out there, but I was careful not to stray too far away from camp.

I focused back on the deer. I had to make a perfect shot, or it would run away and scare the rest of the herd. I didn’t particularly want to get trampled to death. I rose slowly, careful not to make a noise and drew the string. I aimed for the head, wishing for a quick and painless kill. I released the string and the arrow flew, embedding itself into the animal’s frontal bone. It dropped to the ground instantly.

I approached, kneeling beside the deer. Thankfully, it wasn’t too big, and although taking it back to camp would be a pain, I could do it on my own. It was cold enough outside that the meat wouldn’t spoil if I didn’t gut it immediately, so I simply rolled the animal in the piece of parachute I had cut specifically for this and hauled it on my shoulders. I grunted at the weight but kept going.

I expected cheers when I entered the camp, like every time I brought back meat. But all I saw was complete mayhem. Andy was lying on the ground, staring at the sky with a wide smile. Ahmed was clapping his hands gleefully for absolutely no reason whatsoever. Jessica, on the other hand, was screaming insults at a tree. There wasn’t a single person in camp acting normally.

I dropped the deer, gaping at the sight. I went to Andy, shaking him but he didn’t even look at me. When I tried with Jessica, she insulted me. And I didn’t even want to talk about Ahmed.

‘Y/N?’ someone called.

I turned around and saw Amara. She was sitting on a log, frowning at me. I hurried over to her.

‘What the hell is going on?’ I asked.

‘I- I don’t know. Everything just got weird suddenly. And I don’t feel so good. Where were you? Bellamy was pissed when he saw you were gone.’

‘Yeah, I bet he was,’ I said, rolling my eyes.

‘Said something about tying you up,’ she continued.

‘Where is he?’ I asked, ignoring her last comment.

‘I’m not sure? I think he left with Clarke.’

I sighed. Of course the two leaders were gone when we needed them. I was about to get Amara some water when I saw something green in her hand. I opened her fingers and cursed when I saw she was holding a nut.

‘Amara, how many of those did you eat?’

‘I don’t know. Not much. They taste funny.’

‘Okay. I can’t be sure, but I think these nuts are hallucinogenic. You seem better than the others, so I want you to find as much of those nuts as you can and burn them. And make sure no one leaves camp. Can you do that?’

She nodded, standing up.

‘Bellamy and Clarke took a lot,’ she said. ‘What do I do about them?’

‘Leave them to me.’

Amara didn’t know where they were, only that the Ark had given them a mission so I headed for the communication centre, which was no more than a glorified tent. But inside, Raven had upgraded the radio with a screen. I had been able to talk to my grandmother the day before, briefly. I had told her about Earth and all the beautiful things I had seen. My father hadn’t been there, but I had learnt he was supposed to be on the first drop ship from the Ark.

I sat on the chair, and I wasn’t surprised to see someone waiting on the screen.

‘Thank God!’ the man said. ‘No one came for hours, what the hell happened?’

‘I don’t have time for this,’ I replied. ‘Get me Chancellor Jaha or Councillor Kane in here, now.’

The man must have heard the urgency in my voice because he left immediately, and it wasn’t long before I saw my father’s face on the screen. I inhaled sharply. God, how I wished I could just talk to him and tell him all about what I had been through on the ground. But I didn’t have the time.

‘Y/N, what’s going on?’ he asked immediately.

‘The others ate hallucinogenic nuts. They’re high. I think Bellamy and Clarke took some as well, but they left and I don’t know where they are. Please, tell me you do.’

My father, recognizing this was an emergency, immediately put on the Councillor mask. He took out his pad and pulled up coordinates on the screen.

‘Here. They’re searching for an old bunker.’

I took out my map and put a mark on the location the coordinates indicated.

‘Thanks,’ I said. ‘We’ll update you on the situation as soon as we’re able.’

‘Be careful,’ he answered. ‘Your grandmother would never forgive me if something happened to you.’

I nodded and stood up, putting down the headset and leaving the tent. Outside, Amara was emptying the rations into the fire, and although she looked a bit pale, she was steady on her feet. She would be okay.

I left camp and headed straight for my father’s coordinates, going as fast as I could. If Clarke and Bellamy had eaten those nuts, they were in danger. Being high in an unknown place filled with Grounders and wild animals? Not a great idea.

I had finally reached the coordinates and I was staring at my surroundings, trying to see where the entrance of the bunker was among the ruins, when I heard a loud bang. It sounded like a gunshot, but it didn’t make sense. Bellamy was the only one with a gun and he had no bullets left.

But with the subsequent echo, I couldn’t figure out where it came from. I circled the lake, trying to find a door, but I came up empty. However, as I returned to my starting point, I saw a dark shape near the trees. I approached and recognized Bellamy. He was sitting down on a log, staring at his hands. As I came near, he stood up and looked at me with a confused expression.

‘How are you here?’ he asked. ‘You’re on the Ark.’

I frowned.

‘What are you talking about?’

‘I did what I had to do,’ he replied.

‘Bellamy, I don’t understand-’

‘That’s right,’ he interrupted me.

I cursed. I was too late. Bellamy had already eaten the nuts, and god knows how many of them.

‘If you’re gonna kill me,’ he continued, ‘do it.’

‘I’m not going to kill you. Bellamy, it’s me. It’s Y/N!’

I got closer but he kept staring at the place I’d just left. He was seeing things, and from the look on his face, it wasn’t anything good.

‘What are you talking about?’ he asked, pausing as if someone was answering him before he continued. ‘The radio. I didn’t know that would happen.’

I didn’t know what to do. He looked more and more panicked, looking around him with terror in his eyes. I tried to take his hand but he suddenly shoved me away, screaming at me to stop. I barely caught myself and cursed when I saw him running away.

‘Bellamy!’ I yelled. ‘Come back!’

I chased him through the woods, trying to find my footing on the difficult terrain. Eventually, Bellamy stopped, backing up against a tree and looked at me with fearful eyes.

‘Stop,’ he begged. ‘Please, stop, I’m sorry.’

I took a step towards him and he whimpered. My heart broke in my chest but I kept going, ignoring his pleas. He stopped breathing when my hand grasped his.

‘It’s my fault,’ he cried. ‘I’m sorry, I made a mistake.’

I pulled him against me, holding him as tightly as I could. Bellamy tensed up, his body shaking against mine.

‘You’re okay,’ I said. ‘You’re alright, Bellamy. Just come back to me.’

‘I didn’t know, I swear,’ he insisted.

‘I know, Bell.’

I didn’t even think about the nickname and how natural it felt. I just kept saying nonsense to try and get him out of his hallucinations.

‘Y/N?’ Bellamy called, finally recognizing me.

‘Yeah, it’s me.’

He locked his arms around my waist and clutched me to him, his head falling to the crook of my neck.

‘They won’t leave me alone,’ he whispered against my skin.

‘Who?’ I asked, stroking his hair.

‘The people from the Ark. They’re everywhere. They know what I did.’

 _He’s talking about the culling_ , I realized.

320 people had sacrificed themselves to save oxygen for the people of the Ark. Bellamy seemed to believe he could have stopped it if he hadn’t destroyed Raven’s radio. But he was wrong.

I pulled back and cupped his face between my hands.

‘That wasn’t your fault,’ I said firmly. ‘You couldn’t have stopped it, even if you wanted to.’

‘Why not?’ he asked, his dark eyes desperate.

I opened my mouth, ready to reveal what I had been hiding from everyone for the past few days but I suddenly heard a branch crack behind me.

‘Clarke?’ I called. ‘Is that you?’

No answer.

‘I’m gonna check it out,’ I told Bellamy. ‘You stay here.’

He didn’t react. He was looking fearfully around him, still caught in his hallucinations. I nocked an arrow as I went to investigate the sound. Hopefully, it was Clarke. But it could just as well be Grounders. I had barely searched for ten minutes when I saw something shine at the bottom of a pit. I leaned over the hole, squinting to see what it was.

But suddenly, I felt hands shove me forward. I couldn’t catch myself and I fell, hitting the bottom painfully. I landed on my bow, which snapped in two under my weight. Cursing, I looked up. There was no one there, but I could hear heavy footsteps getting away.

‘Hey!’ I shouted. ‘Come back!’

No answer came. I looked at my surroundings. The pit was deep, and the sides were too steep for me to climb out. Not to mention the fact that the rain made everything slippery. I knelt and cursed when I realized the shiny thing that had caught my attention was nothing more than a shard of glass.

I had to get out of there. Bellamy was alone, incapable of fighting and god knows where Clarke was.

I tried to climb out, digging into the dirt for support but I slipped every time. I had a rope in my bag, but with nothing to tie it around, it was useless.

‘Help!’ I yelled. ‘Somebody get me out of here!’

But no one heard me and I was left down the pit, keenly aware that both Bellamy and Clarke might be dead. Night fell and the moon rose high above my head as I kept trying to climb out, only to fail every single time.

But then, I heard footsteps coming near me. They sounded lighter than the ones of the person who had pushed me in.

‘Hey!’ I shouted. ‘Over here!’

Seconds later, Clarke’s face appeared above me.

‘Y/N? Is that you?’

‘Christ, I’ve never been happier to see you. Please, get me out of here.’

I threw her the rope and after a few tries, she caught it. She managed to pull me up and we collapsed in the mud, the both of us panting heavily. Clarke had a rifle clutched to her chest and I wondered where she’d fount it. Probably in the bunker.

‘There’s someone here,’ I said.

‘No kidding. Where’s Bellamy?’

We got up and I led her to where I’d left Bellamy. Unsurprisingly, he was gone. But we heard shouting coming from our left and we ran towards the sound. To our surprise, we saw Bellamy on the ground, staring in fear at Dax, who had a gun pointed at him.

‘Put it down, Dax!’ Clarke ordered, aiming her rifle at his chest.

I felt painfully vulnerable without my bow, whose remains I’d left in the pit. With nothing but a small dagger to defend myself, it all depended on Clarke.

‘Should’ve stayed down there, Clarke,’ Dax said. ‘I tried not to kill you. But here you are and Shumway said no witnesses.’

‘What is he talking about?’ Clarke asked Bellamy.

‘Shumway set it up,’ he answered. ‘He gave me the gun to shoot the Chancellor.’

And now, this Shumway wanted to erase all traces of his involvement by having Bellamy killed.

‘Walk away now,’ Dax told Clarke and I, ‘and I won’t kill you.’

‘Put. It. Down,’ Clarke insisted.

‘Your choice.’

Clarke pulled the trigger, recognizing Dax wasn’t going to surrender. But there were no bullets left. We both ducked as Dax took his shot, the bullet hitting the trunk of a tree.

‘No!’ Bellamy yelled.

He launched himself at Dax, tackling him to the ground. He punched him, trying to pin him down, but Dax quickly took the advantage and shoved Bellamy away. I ran and lunged at Dax, but before I could land a hit, he pushed me back. He then tried to choke Bellamy with the side of his rifle.

‘Get the hell off him!’ Clarke yelled.

Dax hit her in the stomach harshly before she could reach him and she collapsed backward, the breath knocked out of her. But the distraction was enough for Bellamy to grab a bullet lying beside him and shove it as hard as he could in Dax’s neck. We watched in shock as he collapsed, choking on his own blood. Seconds later, he stopped breathing.

I reached for Clarke, helping her lean against a tree as she clutched at her stomach. Bellamy stumbled to us and sat down next to me, panting.

‘You’re okay,’ Clarke gasped.

‘No, I’m not,’ he replied in a hollow voice. ‘My mother…if she knew what I’d done…who I am… She raised me to be better, to be good.’

‘Bellamy-’ Clarke tried to say, but he interrupted her.

‘And all I do is hurt people. I’m a monster.’

‘Hey,’ Clarke said. ‘You saved my life today. And Y/N’s. And you may be a total ass half the time…but…I need you. We all need you. None of us would have survived this place if it wasn’t for you. You want forgiveness? Fine, I’ll give it to you. You’re forgiven, okay? But you can’t run, Bellamy.’

I inhaled sharply. He wanted to leave camp? Was that why he had accompanied Clarke to the bunker? Had he planned to take off, without saying goodbye to anybody? Without saying goodbye to me? The thought hurt more than I expected it to.

‘You have to come back with us,’ Clarke continued. ‘You have to face it.’

‘Like you faced your mom?’ he asked.

Clarke sighed.

‘You’re right. I don’t wanna face my mom. I don’t wanna face any of it. All I think about every day is how we’re gonna keep everyone alive. But we don’t have a choice.’

‘Jaha will kill me when he comes down.’

‘I won’t let him,’ I said firmly. Clarke nodded.

‘No one will. We’ll figure something out.’

Bellamy chuckled darkly, looking at the both of us.

‘Well, can we figure it out later?’

‘Whenever you’re ready,’ Clarke said.

We stayed under that tree for some time, but eventually, we knew we had to get back. Bellamy stood up, offering a hand to the both of us. Clarke’s stomach was going to bruise badly but she could walk and we all headed to the bunker, where they had discovered blankets, and more importantly, firearms.

But there was something I needed to do, something I had been putting off for the past few days. And I couldn’t let Bellamy keep blaming himself. I grabbed his shirt at the entrance of the bunker to stop him from going in and nodded at Clarke, telling her wordlessly to head inside. Bellamy looked at me quizzically.

‘There’s something you need to know,’ I told him. ‘About the culling. I know you think it’s your fault. That if you hadn’t destroyed the radio, they wouldn’t have died. The truth is, people were going to die anyway. And they won’t be the last.’

‘What the hell are you talking about?’

‘There are roughly 2,500 people living on the Ark. But there are only enough ships to bring 700 to Earth.’

Most on the Ark didn’t know there were only eight Exodus ships, seven now that one had served to bring us to the ground. My mother, as an engineer, had known and she had told me. We were supposed to have decades to build more. No one expected the system failure.

‘Are you telling me that 1,800 people are going to be left up there?’ Bellamy asked, his eyes wide.

‘Yes. If they don’t find a way to save everyone before the oxygen runs out, anyway. Which is why the culling, despite how horrifying it was, helped. When they sacrificed themselves, these people gave the others enough time to figure out a solution. Or to try, at least.’

Bellamy’s face was blank and I realized how nervous I was. Would he blame me for keeping that information to myself?

‘I know I should have told you earlier,’ I said. ‘But I- I didn’t want people to panic. Especially now that we made contact with the Ark. If that information goes to the wrong people, it could be a catastrophe. Riots, mutiny, a full uprising…the Ark couldn’t survive that. I thought it was for the best. I’m sorry.’

Bellamy stayed silent for a long time, staring at me. I cowered under his gaze, my hands shaking. I had kept something huge from him, from everyone. I had let him blame himself for the death of 320 people. He had every right to be angry with me.

‘I get it,’ he finally said, his voice low. ‘I get why you didn’t say anything. And I agree, we should keep this quiet.’

‘You’re not…angry with me?’

‘It’ll take a lot more than that to piss me off, Sunshine. Come on, Clarke needs our help.’

He held the door for me and we both went inside.

* * *

 

As we went back to camp, rifles slung over our shoulders, and our packs full of blankets, I filled Bellamy and Clarke on the hallucinogenic nuts and their disastrous effects on camp. Hopefully, no one had gotten hurt. We finally entered the gates, just in time to hear someone start shouting.

‘He’s gone! The Grounder is gone!’

Bellamy cursed and we hurried to the dropship.

‘What if he brings other Grounders back?’ Miller was asking.

‘They’ll kill us all!’

‘Or worse!’

‘Let the Grounders come!’ Bellamy said loudly, startling the crowd. ‘We’ve been afraid of them for far too long. Why? Because of their knives and spears? I don’t know about you…but I’m tired of being afraid.’

Together, we put the rifles on the ground. The others cheered and I couldn’t help but feel hopeful. With these, we had a real chance.

‘These are weapons, okay?’ Clarke said. ‘Not toys. And we have to be prepared to give them up to the guard when the drop ships come. But until then, they’re gonna help keep us safe.’

‘And there are plenty more where these came from,’ Bellamy added. ‘Tomorrow, we start training. And if the Grounders come, we’re gonna be ready to fight.’

 _And maybe_ , I thought _, we can even win._


	9. Chapter 9

‘Squirrel tastes horrendous,’ I told my grandmother as she laughed. ‘When you come down, I’ll hunt you a deer. Now that’s what I call good meat.’

‘Well, I’m glad you’re trying new things, at least.’

I beamed. On the other side of the screen, my grandmother was looking at me with nothing but love in her eyes. With my father’s help, she had managed to take the last place on the comms before the pageant for Unity Day. She was dressed in her finest clothes and I bet she’d even put on perfume. It was a special day for her, a day of celebration, reconnecting and peace.

‘I wish I was with you, sweetheart,’ she continued. ‘I was so worried when your father told me you were hurt.’

‘I’m fine. It was just a bump.’

‘Well try to be more careful from now on, alright? Thank God, Marcus will be with you soon.’

The first Exodus ship was scheduled to land in three days top. My father was head of security and would be on it, along with Clarke’s mother. And I couldn’t wait to see him.

‘You’ll come down soon, too,’ I said. ‘And we’ll finally be all together again. Will you bring down the tree?’

My grandmother was a religious leader on the Ark. Her church was all about “coming home” and they took care of a small tree as a symbol of Earth. As a child, I was often charged of watering it. Although I was never drawn to religion, I had fond memories of those times.

‘I was thinking of having your father take it down with him, actually,’ she answered.

‘Do you think he’ll agree?’

‘Honestly?’ she laughed. ‘No. But it doesn’t hurt to try.’

A guard entered the room behind her and told her our time was up. The pageant was about to begin.

‘I reserved an hour, three days from now,’ she told me. ‘We’ll have more time then.’

‘I’ll miss you.’

‘Me too, sweetheart. Stay strong. I love you.’

‘Love you too.’

The call ended. I stared at the dark screen for a minute, feeling strangely sad. Shaking my head, I got up and joined the others outside. Raven was waiting by the dropship and I walked to her.

‘Hey,’ she said with a smile. ‘Are you done?’

‘Yeah. Thanks again. Do you need help to move the radio?’

‘Nah, I’ve got it. You go enjoy yourself.’

I went back to the tent I shared with Amara, unsure what to do to pass the time.

For the past four days, I had worked on my new bow and it was finally finished. I had taken my time with this one and I was impressed with my work. It was bigger and stronger, more resilient. Clarke had even carved leaves and flowers in the wood, during a slow afternoon at camp.

But my bow wasn’t the only thing I had been working on. I felt so guilty about hiding the truth from Bellamy that I’d decided to make amends by carving a knife for him. At first, I had meant to use metal from the dropship but when I had complained to Finn about not finding good enough steel, he had told me he had the perfect thing for me.

A few hours later, he’d returned with a drop point knife made from carbon steel. He refused to tell me where he’d found it, but I was too happy to care. After thanking him profusely, I had gotten to work. I separated the blade from the plastic handle, and started carving my own out of one of the antlers from the deer I’d killed.

Raven had helped me fix the blade to the new handle, and it was finally ready. Just in time for Unity Day. I was a bit nervous he wouldn’t like it, but it was Bellamy Blake. If there was anything he liked in this world, it was weapons.

Amara entered the tent, grinning.

‘Come on, Y/N! It’s starting!’

We hurried outside and joined the group watching the screen, as Chancellor Jaha began his speech.

‘This is a historic Unity Day. Every year, we mark the moment our ancestors of the 12 stations joined to form the Ark but this is the last time we do so while aboard her. Next year…on the ground!’

‘Right,’ Miller scoffed as people clapped. ‘After we did all the work. Someone shut him up.’

‘You shut up, Miller,’ Raven said. ‘No one’s forcing you to watch.’

I laughed and she winked at me. I didn’t know Raven very well, but something told me I would have no trouble becoming friends with her.

‘For ninety-seven years,’ Jaha continued, ‘we have lived in space, waiting and hoping that someday our descendants will return to Earth. We now know that this is not just a faraway dream, but a certainty. Humanity is coming home.’

I heard cheers and turned around, only to see Jasper come out of the tent he shared with Monty with a barrel in his arms.

‘Monty strikes again!’ he yelled. ‘I call this batch Unity Juice! Who’s thirsty?’

The others crowded around him to get their drinks but I hung back and listened as Jaha continued his speech. There would be time for alcohol later.

‘To our sons and daughters on Earth listening to this message: we will see you soon. The first Exodus ship will launch in under sixty hours, carrying the reinforcements that you need. So stay strong. Help is on the way. In the past week, we have seen the true soul of our people. The generosity and strength in our hearts in the face of strife. Every year after that, we will remember it. But enough from me. You are all here for the pageant anyway, right? Without further ado, I present the story of us.’

Jaha disappeared from the screen and the camera focused on the center of the room. The crowd cleared a space, and the pageant began. The children, each carrying a flag, walked in a circle around a little girl.

‘Long ago,’ she said, ‘when the Earth was on fire, 12 stations floated through space, all alone. Then one day, Mir floated by Shinzen and they realized life would be better together. The other stations saw this and they wanted to be together too. When all the stations were joined, they called themselves-’

Suddenly, the screen turned dark. Frowning, Raven hurried to the radio, checking it over as we waited.

‘There’s nothing wrong on our side,’ she said after some time. ‘The problem comes from the Ark. I’ll keep trying to reach them.’

Disappointed, the group dispersed. But I was sure that, with the alcohol flowing, they would soon forget about the pageant.

* * *

  _Aaaaand…I’m drunk._

It didn’t take me long. One disadvantage of growing up with Marcus Kane as a father was that I had never been allowed to drink much. Or at all. This was the first time I’d been able to drink as much as I wanted to. And it showed.

‘W-wait,’ I slurred. ‘What do I do, again?’

Bellamy groaned and pointed at the cups on the other side of the table, one hand on my shoulder.

‘Throw the rock, in the cups.’

‘But why?’ I asked. I really didn’t get the point of the game.

‘Because it’s fun, Y/N. Come on, I believe in you.’

Bellamy manhandled me to the table and put the rock in my hand. People around me were cheering, and I decided to go with the flow. With Bellamy’s hands on my shoulders, I aimed and threw the rock. It landed in the center cup, splashing moonshine everywhere. The others clapped and laughed as Donovan drank, his eyes slightly unfocused. Bellamy pulled me into a celebratory hug, beaming.

‘I still don’t get it,’ I pouted as I pulled away.

‘It’s okay, Sunshine,’ Bellamy laughed. ‘I still like you.’

I felt my cheeks flush and I was confused for a moment as to why. But I suddenly remembered I had a gift for him and my eyes widened.

‘Oh!’ I gasped. ‘I nearly forgot!’

I grasped Bellamy’s sleeve and dragged him to my tent, ignoring the complaints of the others as we left.

‘Y/N? What are you doing?’

‘Stay here,’ I told him when we reached the tent. I went inside, quickly spotting the knife. I tripped and nearly fell as I got outside but caught myself before I faceplanted. I pushed a strand of hair away from my face impatiently and handed Bellamy the knife. He took it, confused.

‘It’s for you!’ I told him with a smile. ‘I know you said you weren’t angry, but I lied to you. And lying is wrong, so I have to say sorry. Obviously, I already said sorry but I felt I needed to do more and-’

‘Breathe, Y/N.’

‘Right. I made you this. I hope you like it.’

Bellamy unsheathed the knife and ran his finger down the blade. I was tense, and the more time passed, the more I was sure he hated it. But when he finally raised his head, he was smiling widely.

‘This is perfect. Thanks, Sunshine.’

I blushed again, and frowned at my reaction. It had to be the alcohol. We walked back to the others, but Monty and Jasper had taken our place at the table. To be honest, I wasn’t heartbroken about it. That game was weird.

‘Damn it,’ Bellamy cursed. ‘We could have won the Unity Day title.’

‘Next year we will, I promise. Never mind that I _still_ don’t get the point of the game.’

‘The point is to get drunk. It ain’t more complicated than that.’

I tried to sit down and almost missed the bench, but Bellamy reached down and kept me from ending with my butt in the mud.

‘I think I had enough to drink for one night!’ I giggled as I managed to sit properly.

‘No kidding,’ he laughed, biting into an apple. ‘So, let me guess. You were a pageant kid?’

‘You bet I was. I carried France’s flag. My grandmother was beyond proud. Until I almost ruined the show, anyway.’

‘Now, this is a story I’ve got to hear.’

‘It’s not that great. But it does involve me accidentally giving the Chancellor a black eye, so…’

Bellamy laughed loudly, throwing his head back. I couldn’t help but smile. It was nice to see him like this, so carefree and relaxed. Ever since Jaha had pardoned him for shooting him, a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He deserved to be happy.

I was about to yield and tell him the story when Clarke appeared from nowhere, a serious expression on her face.

‘Hey,’ she said. ‘I need to talk to you.’

‘Having fun yet, princess?’ Bellamy asked.

‘I’m serious.’

‘You always are,’ Bellamy said, rolling his eyes. ‘So talk.’

 ‘Finn set up a meeting with the Grounders.’

My eyes widened. He’d actually reached out to our enemy and ask them for a meeting? Was he brave or just insane?

‘I’m leaving to go talk to them,’ Clarke added.

‘Because impaling people on spears is code for “let’s be friends”?’ Bellamy scoffed. ‘Have you lost your damn mind?’

‘I think it might be worth a shot. I mean, we do have to live with these people.’

‘Bellamy, she’s not wrong,’ I agreed.

I agreed mostly because they had been picking us off like flies. They may not be aware of it yet, but the Grounders had everything they needed to wipe us out. Especially with the one we’d captured back with them. I was sure he had given them plenty of information about us. If we could have peace with the Grounders before they slaughtered us, I was all for it. He shook his head, clearly unconvinced.

‘They’ll probably gut you and string you up as a warning.’

‘That’s why I’m here. I need you guys to follow us, be our backup.’

‘Does Finn know about this?’

‘Finn doesn’t need to know. And, Bellamy…bring guns.’

* * *

I was far from sober, but luckily, it was probably a long way to the place Finn and the Grounders had agreed to meet up. But Bellamy thought we needed more backup. We entered Raven’s tent where Monty had told us Jasper was. They were talking, bullets lined up on the table in front of them and they both looked up as we went in.

‘Jasper, you’re coming with us,’ he said as the boy looked at him, confused.

‘I am?’

‘You handled yourself well in the cave with the Grounder.’

‘I- I mean, I hit him in the head.’

‘Exactly,’ I told him.

Jasper was probably the only reason the Grounder hadn’t slaughtered us in the cave, when we had tried to rescue Octavia. Bellamy reached for the bullets but Raven stopped him, a hand on his chest.

‘If you’re planning on shooting anything, you’d better think twice. I haven’t checked those yet.’

‘Give me bullets that work.’

What do you need them for?’ she shot back.

‘Your boyfriend is being an idiot.’

Wordlessly, Raven gave him clips of bullets, her face set in a hard expression.

‘Then I’m coming with you.’

Bellamy nodded.

‘We should get Clarke,’ Jasper said.

Bellamy and I shared a look. Everyone in camp knew how tense and awkward the situation was between Finn, Clarke and Raven. But as it turned out, Raven didn’t need us to tell her exactly what her boyfriend was doing.

‘Clarke’s with Finn, isn’t she?’

Raven sighed deeply at our lack of denial and I felt sorry for her. Neither Clarke nor her deserved the crap Finn was putting them through. But I couldn’t focus on that, not when we might have to fight for our lives soon.

The four of us slipped away from camp, armed to the teeth. Thankfully, Clarke had left acorns for us to follow and we could go after them without too much trouble.

‘At least, they’re good for something,’ Bellamy said as he picked some up.

‘Sorry about bringing up Clarke earlier,’ Jasper told Raven. ‘That was awkward.’

‘Shut up,’ she scoffed.

‘Both of you shut up,’ Bellamy ordered. ‘Keep your eyes open.

We walked for hours. By the time we found Clarke’s last acorns, it was mid-morning. Finn and the Grounders had set up the meeting on a rusted bridge, and I could have laughed at the symbolism. As it was, I was much too tense. At least, the long walk had sobered me up.

We found a place to spy on the meeting, where hopefully, we wouldn’t be seen. But as I looked at the bridge, I saw someone I hadn’t expected.

‘What’s Octavia doing here?’ Jasper asked.

She was running towards a man, and it didn’t take me long to recognize him. It was the Grounder, the same that had kidnapped her, stabbed Finn and then escaped camp. They hugged tightly and he buried his head in her hair.

‘I guess we know how he got away,’ Raven said.

I looked at Bellamy, wincing at the anger on his face. I could imagine what was going through his head at the moment. But he quickly focused back on the situation at hand when there was movement on the other side of the bridge.

‘Are those horses?’ I whispered.

I was mesmerized. That is, until I realized what the riders were holding.

‘They have bows. Shit.’

Finn, Clarke and Octavia were unharmed, looking at the Grounders with alarm in their eyes. We couldn’t hear what was happening, but Clarke started walking towards the center of the bridge. A Grounder woman did the same, and I was relieved to see this one had no weapons, or none I could see. They met in the center, and from what I could see, the talks seemed to be going well. At least, Clarke hadn’t ended up with an arrow in her chest yet.

‘Grounder princess looks pissed,’ Raven said after a while.

‘Our princess has that effect,’ Bellamy replied.

I rolled my eyes, strangely annoyed at the nickname. Maybe there was still alcohol in my system after all.

‘Oh, no,’ Jasper suddenly breathed out. ‘No, this is bad.’

‘What the hell are you talking about?’

‘There’s Grounders in the trees.’

My heart skipped a beat. I scanned the forest, trying to get even the slightest glimpse of those Grounders but I couldn’t see a thing.

‘Are you sure?’ Raven asked.

‘I don’t see anything,’ Bellamy added.

Jasper looked again and his eyes widened.

‘They’re gonna shoot! Clarke, run!’ he shouted.

Before we could react, he came out of our hiding spot and started shooting like a madman at the trees. I ran to the bridge, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to get a clear shot from the river. One of the riders was about to shoot but I quickly drew the string and my arrow pierced his arm instead.

‘Y/N!’ Bellamy shouted from the woods. ‘Let’s go!’

I started running, and it wasn’t long before I joined them. We ran until we reached camp, some struggling more than others. Finally, we all stopped, panting, trying to recuperate. But Finn and Bellamy had other ideas and were glaring at each other.

‘You got something to say?’ Bellamy asked him harshly.

‘I told you, no guns!’ He yelled at Clarke.

‘And I told you we couldn’t trust the Grounders! I was right.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me what you were up to?’ Raven asked Finn.

‘I tried, but you were too busy making bullets for your guns!’

‘You’re lucky she brought that!’ Bellamy replied. ‘They came there to kill you, Finn.’

‘You don’t know that! Jasper fired the first shot!’

‘You ruined everything,’ Octavia agreed.

Looking at Jasper with hatred in her eyes, she stalked off towards camp.

‘I saved you!’ Jasper shouted after her.

She didn’t turn back and he shook his head, disgusted.

‘Well, if we weren’t at war already,’ Finn said as Jasper left, ‘we sure as hell are now. You didn’t have to trust the Grounders. You just had to trust me.’

Both Finn and Raven left, entering the camp with dejected expressions on their faces and then, it was just Bellamy, Clarke and me outside.

‘Like I said,’ Bellamy scoffed. ‘Best Unity Day ever.’

I smiled tiredly at him but suddenly, we heard a distant explosion. I whirled around, worried it was the Grounders but all I saw was what looked like a shooting star fall from the sky. But it wasn’t a meteor.

‘The Exodus ship?’ Bellamy wondered. ‘Your parents are early.’

I shared an excited look with Clarke. Suddenly, the confrontation with the Grounders didn’t seem all that disastrous. My father would fix everything. And finally, I would be reunited with my family.

‘Wait,’ Clarke said. ‘Too fast. No parachute. Something’s wrong.’

With wide eyes, I saw the ship disappear behind the ridge. And next thing I knew, there was another explosion and a huge cloud of smoke and flames rose above the mountains.

I think I screamed. I wasn’t sure. There was a loud buzzing in my ears, and I couldn’t feel my body anymore. Next to me, Clarke collapsed to the ground and I knew she was crying. I should be crying as well, I knew it. But I was paralyzed. My father had just died, but I couldn’t move. I could only watch as the smoke rose in the sky.

I was powerless.


	10. Chapter 10

I stared at the wreckage of the Exodus ship, trying to find my father’s remains among the debris and the flames. Charred skeletons littered the area and I knelt near each one of them, searching for a sign of Marcus Kane. I didn’t know what would be worse: discovering my father’s corpse and knowing for sure he had died in pain or never finding any answer and live in doubt for the rest of my life.

I got down on my knees near another body. I tried to lift the arm so I could get a look at the hand, and the flesh tore beneath my fingers. When I had first seen the carnage, I had been disgusted. But after hours of searching, I was numb. I picked up the hand as if it was nothing, sighing when I saw no ring. My father always wore his gold wedding band. This was my only clue, the one thing that would allow me to recognize him.

‘Stay sharp!’ Bellamy said loudly behind me. He was tense, holding his gun tightly. ‘Grounder retaliation for the bridge is coming. Just a matter of when.’

‘You blame them?’ Finn scoffed.

‘No, I blame you.’

‘Maybe, if you didn’t bring guns-’

‘If we didn’t bring guns,’ Raven interrupted him harshly, ‘we all would have been killed.’

Maybe. Maybe not. I couldn’t care less. The confrontation on the bridge was the farthest thing away from my mind. I approached another skeleton. This one had no limbs left and I moved on.

‘Why they’re coming doesn’t matter anymore,’ Bellamy was saying to the others. ‘It’s our job to be ready when they do. We’re on our own, now.’

Since communication with the Ark had been cut during the pageant, we had been trying to reach them. But our calls went unanswered. And after the crash, I couldn’t help but think these were connected. Maybe they were all dead. My grandmother might be dead too. I was alone, with nothing left but memories of the people I loved.

‘Clarke, stop!’ Raven suddenly yelled.

She ran to Clarke, who was standing next to a heavy piece of machinery. I was too far to hear, but I saw Raven kneel and dip a rock in a reddish liquid.

‘Fire in the hole!’ she shouted.

She then threw the rock into the flames. The resulting explosion was so powerful I felt the ground beneath me shake. I felt sick. Was this how my father had died? Burnt alive in flames like these?

‘We need to clear the area!’ she told us.

‘Okay, then,’ Bellamy said. ‘We move in formation. No straggling. Weapons hot. We’ve got to get back before dark.’

The others started to move but I ignored them. I knelt near another body. This one was small. A child, maybe. But clearly not my father. I stood back up, moving on.

‘Y/N,’ Bellamy called. ‘We’re moving.’

‘I’m not done,’ I told him.

The next body had dog tags around what remained of his neck. I brushed the soot off the metal, but all I could make out was the ID number. Useless.

‘It’s too dangerous,’ Bellamy insisted. ‘We have to go.’

He pulled me up gently. I looked at the wreckage, the sheer number of bodies lying around.

‘I can’t leave him like this,’ I said. ‘I need to bury him.’

‘Y/N, please.’

I looked at Bellamy, at the pity and sadness in his eyes, and I yielded. I could always come back later, without the others. If the area was dangerous, then I couldn’t risk their lives. I let Bellamy lead me back to the group, his hand steady on my back and together, we walked back to camp. He stayed silent the whole way, and I appreciated it. What was there to say?

The moon was high in the sky by the time we reached the gate, but the camp was in effervescence. Connor ran to us, his eyes wide.

‘Bellamy! He- he came out of nowhere! I told the others not to bring him inside, but they didn’t listen and-’

‘Hey, calm down. What happened?’

‘It’s Murphy. He’s back.’

Connor told us they had found him in the woods, injured and terrified. They had brought him into the dropship and Bellamy hurried inside, fury on his face. I followed with Clarke and Finn but I drew short once I saw Murphy. He looked terrible. One of his eyes was swollen shut and the rest of his face was covered in cuts. He had blood everywhere on his skin, his clothes were torn and even breathing seemed difficult.

‘Everyone but Connor and Derek, out,’ Bellamy ordered. ‘Now!’

Finn and Clarke stayed put, and I wasn’t going anywhere either. Bellamy looked at me but didn’t say anything.

‘He claims he was with the Grounders,’ Derek informed us.

‘We caught him trying to sneak back into camp,’ Connor added.

‘I wasn’t sneaking,’ Murphy said, his voice barely audible. ‘I was running from the Grounders.’

‘Anyone see Grounders?’ Bellamy asked.

Connor and Derek shook their heads. Bellamy’s face hardened and he pointed his rifle at Murphy.

‘Well, in that case-’

‘What’s wrong with you?’ Finn said, pushing Bellamy’s gun down.

‘We were clear what would happen if he came back!’

‘No,’ Finn protested, ‘if he was with the Grounders, then he knows things that can help us.’

‘Like what?’ I sneered. ‘How best to kill twelve-year-old girls?’

What had happened to Charlotte was unforgivable. I had never hated anyone before, but Murphy? There were no words for how much hatred I felt when I looked at him.

‘We hanged him,’ Bellamy added, ‘we banished him and now, we’re gonna kill him. Get the hell out of my way.’

‘No, Finn’s right,’ Clarke said.

I turned to her, shocked.

‘What?’

‘Like hell he is, Clarke!’ Bellamy yelled. ‘Think about Charlotte!’

‘I am thinking about her,’ she said.

‘Really?’ I replied. ‘Because it looks to me like you’re ignoring what that monster did to her.’

‘Y/N, what happened to Charlotte was as much our fault as his. He’s not lying, his fingernails were torn off. They tortured him.’

‘You and the Grounders should compare notes,’ Finn told Bellamy.

‘The Grounders know we’re at war,’ Bellamy replied before he turned to Murphy. ‘What did you tell them about us?’

We waited in tense silence as Murphy looked at us, his hands shaking.

‘Everything.’

I cursed. This was a disaster. If the Grounders knew as much about us as I suspected they did, they had enough information to wipe us out.

‘Once he’s better,’ Clarke told us, ‘we find out what he knows, and then he’s out of here.’

‘What if he refuses to leave?’ Bellamy asked. ‘What do we do with him then?’

‘Then we kill him.’

Bellamy left Murphy under watch, and we left the dropship. In a way, I was almost grateful for his return. It kept me from thinking about my father and I could focus on my anger instead of my grief.

‘We need to double the guard, tonight,’ Bellamy told me, still seething. ‘If that son of a bitch wasn’t lying, then the Grounders could be close. You have the best eyes in camp, you’re okay with taking a double shift?’

I nodded. I knew I wasn’t going to get any sleep no matter what I did. I climbed to my favourite spot on the wall, rifle in hand. I was still better with a bow, but I was improving quickly. For hours, I watched the woods intently, not allowing myself to think of anything else but the Grounders. Around four in the morning, Andy came to relieve me and I walked to my tent. I was so tired, I fell asleep before my head touched the pillow.

I woke up the next day and immediately went to the woods to check on the traps. There wasn’t much, and I sighed, knowing we would have to ration the food even more if we wanted to live through winter. But when I came back to camp, I quickly realized food was the least of our problems.

I was barely through the gate when Bellamy ran to me, cupping my face between his hands and turning it from side to side. I frowned, confused.

‘Um, Bellamy? What are you doing?’

‘How are you feeling? You okay?’

‘Yeah? I don’t understand, what’s going on?’

Bellamy sighed, letting go of me.

‘Murphy didn’t escape, the Grounders let him go. They infected him with a virus, and it’s spreading through camp. Clarke said it’s a kind of haemorrhagic fever, whatever the hell that means. Derek just died.’

I looked around, and saw people on edge, looking at each other warily. Most held pieces of fabric in front of their mouths. It didn’t take a genius to realize how serious the situation was.

‘How many are sick?’ I asked Bellamy.

‘A dozen, for now. Clarke, too.’

‘Octavia?’

‘She’s okay. Clarke’s keeping her on the second level.’

I could tell he wasn’t pleased about it. But at least, she wasn’t sick.

‘I need to talk to Clarke,’ I said.

I walked toward the dropship, but Bellamy stopped me.

‘You’re not going in there. You’ll get sick for sure.’

I was about to insist when someone started crying. We exchanged a look and headed for the dropship, where Andy and Miller had just put a body on the ground. Jessica was sobbing, looking at the dead girl with despair in her eyes.

‘All right,’ Bellamy said to the crowd. ‘Show’s over. Get back to your posts.’

Clarke was standing in front of the dropship, dried blood under her eyes. She looked pale and weak, but she was still standing. I supposed that was something, at least.

‘You got enough food in there?’ Bellamy asked her. ‘Water?’

Clarke nodded.

‘Yeah. Some medicine might be nice.’

‘About that,’ I said, ‘I might be able to find you some plants that could help. It’s a fever, right?’

‘Kind of, yeah.’

‘Then sage, feverfew and yarrow should help. I know where to find some.’

Clarke nodded gratefully. She walked back to the dropship, but froze when Bellamy called Octavia’s name loudly, asking her if she was okay. Clarke turned around once more, looking at him with a strange expression on her face. Bellamy’s face fell.

He went to enter the dropship but Clarke stopped him.

‘Bellamy, wait. She’s not here. I sent her to see Lincoln. Look, if there’s a cure, he has it. I didn’t tell you because I knew you wouldn’t let her go.’

‘If anything happens to her,’ he replied darkly, ‘you and me are gonna have problems.’

He stalked off, ignoring her calls. On one hand, I understood why Clarke had asked Octavia to see Lincoln. But on the other hand, she was Bellamy’s sister. And there was no telling what he would do if she was injured.

‘Out of my way!’ Bellamy ordered.

The boy turned around and I gasped as I saw the blood leaking from his eyes. I knew the disease was serious, but this? This was horrifying. How had the Grounders even weaponized it?

‘Dude, your eyes!’

‘Nobody touch him,’ Aaron ordered, backing away.

‘Get to the dropship,’ Bellamy told the boy. ‘Now.’

Suddenly, a girl collapsed and coughed blood in someone else’s face. People started shouting, pointing their weapons at anyone who came to close to them. It was madness. I ended up next to Raven, the both of us trying to get away from the crowd. Bellamy was shouting at everyone to calm down, but I could barely hear him over the noise.

Suddenly, the sound of gun firing echoed through the camp, quieting everyone down. We all turned to see Clarke, her rifle pointed at the sky.

‘This is exactly what the Grounders want,’ she said, walking towards the crowd. ‘Don’t you see that? They don’t have to kill us if we kill each other first-’

Aaron pointed his gun at her chest, his eyes wide.

‘They won’t have to kill us if we all catch the virus. Get back in the damn dropship!’

Before he could react, Bellamy had taken the gun from him and hit him in the throat. He stumbled, wheezing as he desperately tried to breathe through the pain.

‘I hate to state the obvious,’ Bellamy told Clarke, ‘but your quarantine isn’t working.’

Clarke didn’t answer. Her eyes closed and she stumbled, beginning to fall. Finn saw her and hurried over, ready to catch her before she hit the ground.

‘Finn, don’t touch her!’ Raven yelled.

But it was too late. He lifted her in his arms, looking at her worriedly. Besides me, Raven’s face fell.

‘Let me go,’ Clarke said weakly. ‘I’m okay.’

‘No, you’re not.’

‘Octavia will come back with a cure.’

‘There is no cure!’

We all turned as Octavia broke through the crowd. Bellamy breathed out, the relief obvious on his face.

‘But the Grounders don’t use the sickness to kill,’ she continued.

‘Really?’ Bellamy scoffed pointing at the dead bodies in front of the dropship. ‘Tell that to them! I warned you about seeing that Grounder again.’

‘Yeah, well, I have a warning for you too. The Grounders are coming and they’re attacking at first light.’

The plants I needed to help with the fever weren’t hard to find, but they were far from camp. By the time I collected enough, it was already getting dark and when I finally arrived back at camp, it was the middle of the night. I immediately ran to the dropship. Octavia saw me first and ran to me, eyes wide.

‘You got them?’

‘Yeah,’ I said, giving her the bag full of plants. ‘Put two leaves in boiling water and make them drink a full glass each. It’s not a cure, but it should help.’

‘Got it. Can you keep an eye on Bellamy in the mean time?’

My heart skipped a beat. Bellamy was sick? I looked around and immediately spotted him, lying unconscious on one of the mattresses. He had dried blood on his face, his skin was so pale it was almost translucid and he was shaking. I collapsed to my knees next to him and put my hand on his forehead, wincing at how hot it felt. His eyes fluttered open and he smiled tiredly.

‘Hey Sunshine,’ he rasped.

Octavia handed me a wet rag and a bowl of water, and I used it to dab at his forehead.

‘You shouldn’t be in here,’ Bellamy said weakly.

‘Get used to it. I’m not going anywhere.’

I stroked his hair, sighing deeply. He looked so weak, so different from the Bellamy I was used to. I blinked back the tears that had gathered in my eyes.

‘Don’t die, okay?’ I said, my voice breaking. ‘I can’t- I can’t lose anyone else.’

He grabbed my hand and held it tightly against his chest. He then gave me one last weak smile and closed his eyes, losing consciousness in a matter of seconds. It was too much. First, my father’s death, then losing contact with the Ark and now this? Without the people I loved, I couldn’t survive. And whether I liked it or not, Bellamy had become one of those people. Until now, I hadn’t realized how much I cared about him. But as he lay there, unconscious, I was faced with the possibility of a world where he was dead. And I couldn’t bear it.

‘You’re gonna be okay,’ I whispered. ‘I promise.’

Someone kneeled next to me. I raised my head, scowling when I saw Murphy. He looked like he was doing better, and the unfairness of the situation made my blood boil.

‘Of course, you’re still alive,’ I scoffed.

‘Don’t look too happy, Kane. Here, Octavia told me to give you this.’

He handed me a cup, leaves floating in the water. I smelled it and recognized the plants I had brought back. Ignoring Murphy, I lifted Bellamy until he was leaning against me in a half-sitting position. I coaxed him into drinking the entirety of the cup, and laid him back down, his head on my knees.

‘So when did that happen?’ Murphy asked.

‘What are you talking about?’

‘You and Bellamy. You weren’t exactly friends when I left.’

‘When we kicked you out, you mean,’ I corrected him coldly. ‘Look, I’m grateful for your help. But if you think I’m going to just forget what you did, you’re mistaken. Now get the hell away from me.’

I saw something dark flash in his eyes for a second, but he left without protesting and I ignored it. I focused back on Bellamy. He looked peaceful as he slept, a far cry from his usually tensed expression. Using a wet cloth, I cleaned the blood from his face until there was no trace from the sickness but the unnatural paleness of his skin.

I sat there for hours. I knew I should have helped Octavia with the others, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave Bellamy alone. Not when he was so vulnerable. Thankfully, the more time passed, the more he recovered. He stopped coughing blood, his breathing got easier and his fever finally broke. Clarke woke up and Octavia, relieved, finally agreed to go and get some sleep.

Bellamy regained consciousness near dawn. His eyes opened blearily, settling on my face.

‘Hi there, sleeping beauty,’ I smiled. ‘How are you feeling?’

‘Better,’ he croaked. ‘I’m thirsty.’

I was about to get up but Murphy beat me to it, handing Bellamy a cup of water.

‘Get the hell away from me,’ Bellamy scowled, pushing him away.

‘You’re sick, okay? I’m just trying to help.’

Bellamy looked at him warily. Blood ran down his nose, and Murphy handed him a cloth but he ignored it, rubbing the blood away with his sleeve.

‘When I get better,’ Bellamy said darkly, ‘if you’re still here-’

‘Hey,’ Clarke interrupted, ‘I got this one.’

She sat down next to us as Murphy left, and gave Bellamy water.

‘You feeling better?’ Bellamy asked her.

‘Yeah.’

‘That’s good. Have you seen Octavia?’

‘She was up all night, helping people. Murphy gave her a break.’

‘Don’t tell me you trust him now.’

‘Trust?’ she scoffed. ‘No. I do believe in second chances, though.’

I didn’t. Not when it came to Murphy. But now was not the time or the place to argue.

‘It’s almost dawn,’ Bellamy noticed. ‘Better get everyone inside. If we lock the doors, maybe the Grounders will think we’re not home.’

‘Not everyone’s sick,’ Clarke protested.

‘Sick is better than dead.’

‘And if they’re not sick by now,’ I added, ‘they’re probably immune anyway.’

‘You don’t think Finn and Jasper are gonna pull it off,’ she realized.

‘Do you?’ Bellamy asked.

She considered it and sighed.

‘I’ll get everyone inside.’

We followed her outside. It took some convincing to get the others to enter the dropship, but the threat of the Grounders was enough for them to overcome their fear of the sickness. I had my bow in hand and next to me, Bellamy was gripping his gun tightly.

But suddenly, we heard an explosion. We all looked towards the source of the sound and saw a huge cloud of smoke rise above the trees.

‘They did it,’ Bellamy breathed out.

Raven’s plan had worked. The bridge between our camp and the Grounders’ village was destroyed, and it would give us enough time to recuperate from the disease. We weren’t safe by any means, but the danger wasn’t imminent. I breathed a sigh of relief.

‘I am become death,’ Clarke said softly, ‘destroyer of worlds.’

She saw Bellamy and I look at her.

‘It’s Oppenheimer,’ she clarified. ‘The man who built the first-’

‘I know who Oppenheimer is,’ Bellamy interrupted her.

‘We did what we had to do, Clarke,’ I told her. ‘We can’t afford mercy if we want to survive.’

She didn’t look convinced, but she didn’t argue either. Eventually, the crowd dispersed and the only one left were Bellamy and me. I turned to him, relieved when I saw he looked less pale than before.

‘I’m glad you’re okay,’ I told him. ‘You scared me for a second.’

‘Just a second? Sunshine, I’m hurt.’

I punched his shoulder lightly and he laughed, looking at me with a soft smile. But as our eyes met, I realized how close I had been to losing him. And how strange was it that the idea scared me that much? Bellamy Blake, whom I had first seen as an enemy. What was he now? My ally? My friend? I couldn’t think of the right word to describe what I felt for him. But I knew, without a doubt, that I needed him. With my father dead and my grandmother lost in space, he was all I had left in the world. How strange was it to care so deeply for someone you’d just met?

‘Y/N?’

Bellamy was looking at me with concern. I grabbed his hand, holding it tightly between my own.

‘Y/N, what-’

‘Promise me,’ I interrupted him. ‘Promise me you won’t die.’

He put a heavy hand on my shoulder, leaning down until his eyes were level with mine.

‘Don’t worry, Sunshine. I don’t intend to die anytime soon.’

It wasn’t what I’d asked, but I knew I wouldn’t get a better answer. And he wouldn’t be able to give me one without lying. This was Earth. There was no certainty. No way to know if we would live to see another day. Kill or be killed was our new adage.

But as I looked at Bellamy and felt the warmth of his hand on my skin, I found myself praying there would be more to our lives than a constant struggle. That a time would come where we would wake up in peace, not wondering if we would survive the day.

I had no answer. But if there was enough the slightest possibility for that life? I would die for it.


	11. Chapter 11

Raven Reyes was arguably the smartest person I knew. She was the best engineer on the planet, her mind worked faster than a computer and she had almost single-handedly saved us from a Grounder attack. Despite all that, there were days where she could be remarkably dumb.

‘I’m telling you, it’s fine!’ she insisted.

‘Right.’

‘I’m the one who broke up with him, and I’m okay. More than okay.’

‘Hmm.’

‘And we’ll still be friends, so that’s cool.’

‘Obviously.’

She slapped her hand on the table, throwing me a dark look.

‘Stop it!’ she yelled. ‘I’m okay!’

‘Raven. Look at your knife.’

She dropped her head and winced when she realized she had stabbed the knife so hard in the table, it had come out on the other side.

‘Shit.’

I chuckled and Raven glared at me, but before long, she couldn’t help herself and she started laughing as well. There was pain in our laughter, but any means to forget about the ache in our hearts was good to take. Our friendship was recent. Over the last few days, I had been searching for a way to distract myself from my father’s death. And since I had pretty much lost hope of ever seeing my grandmother again, the knowledge that my family was gone had hit me hard.

But Raven had been there, with plenty of work to keep the both of us occupied. If I cried, she pretended not to see it. If I wanted to scream, she listened. If all I did was stay silent and work, she was fine with that too. In return, I blamed Finn for all the woes in the world, agreed to her claims when she said she was fine and let her punch things without saying anything. Whatever she was in the mood for, really.

‘Okay, that’s enough about Finn,’ she decided. ‘Let’s get back to work.’

Unfortunately, right as she said that, Finn entered the tent.

‘What’s for dinner?’ he asked tentatively.

I looked at Raven, wondering if I should leave and she shook her head wordlessly. The tent was nearly bursting with tension, but I stayed, focusing on my work.

‘Split loads,’ Raven said with such a fake happy tone I winced. ‘Turning one bullet into two. That’s all we can do until we get more gunpowder. Jasper has a recipe. Yesterday, I saw him taking buckets from the latrine. I didn’t ask.’

He laughed, and Raven flinched.

‘Is one of those for me?’ he asked, gesturing at the bullets.

‘Maybe. Still deciding.’

‘All right. Y/N, would you mind giving me a moment with Raven please?’ he asked.

I looked at Raven, and she nodded reluctantly. Without a word, I exited the tent and spotted Bellamy. He was shouting orders to a bunch of people, head held high, holding his rifle tightly.

‘Don’t you ever relax?’ I asked him.

He turned around with a scowl but his face softened when he saw me.

‘Not with the Grounders out there,’ he replied. ‘I haven’t seen you all day. Where were you?’

‘With Raven, trying to double our supplies of bullets. We’re almost done and she-’

I stopped talking abruptly. There was a weird smell in the air, and before long, Bellamy had noticed as well.

‘Fire,’ he breathed out.

At that moment, we heard shouts come from the other side of camp. We ran towards the sound, only to see the meat shack engulfed in flames. Octavia was inside, trying to save some of the food. Bellamy ran in and pulled her out, holding her against his chest.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked as he helped her sit down.

She was coughing violently but she nodded, making Bellamy sigh in relief.

‘This is all your fault!’ Murphy, who was coughing as well, suddenly yelled. ‘We told you it was too much wood!’

He threw himself at Del and they started throwing punches at each other. Bellamy looked at me and I nodded, taking his place at Octavia’s side. He interposed himself between the two boys, separating them.

‘Hey, stop! Save it for the Grounders.’

‘Bell,’ Octavia called, ‘what the hell are we gonna do? That was all the food!’

I stared as the flames destroyed the meat I had worked so hard to bring back to camp. Weeks of hunting, reduced to nothing in the span of a few minutes. There was nothing to be done. We just watched in silence as the meat shack turned to ashes.

* * *

With the food gone, we had to hunt. Despite Bellamy’s worries of leaving the camp when the Grounders might attack any moment, it was decided that starving was worse.

‘Each group take someone with a gun,’ Bellamy said as we all filed in the dropship to take our orders. ‘But they’re for killing Grounders, not food. We don’t have the ammo. Use the spears for hunting. Get what you can and be back by nightfall. No one stays out after dark.’

The others murmured their assents, as Bellamy walked to me.

‘Hey Sunshine. Wanna head out together?’

I winced. I loved spending time with Bellamy, I really did. But when it came to hunting?

‘Don’t take this the wrong way,’ I said tentatively. ‘But you’re not exactly the most discreet guy when it comes to hunting. I think I might be more efficient alone.’

‘That’s out of the question. Y/N, there are Grounders out there.’

‘I know that! But if I want to bring back something big, I need someone who can walk in the woods in complete silence. Please, Bell.’

He looked at me stubbornly and I huffed, throwing my hands up and walking away. Bellamy chucked behind me and I turned around just long enough to glare at him.

He was waiting for me at the entrance of camp, a rifle in his hands. I was surprised to see him alone. Most of the other groups had been at least three people big, mostly four. This was probably Bellamy’s doing and I was grateful for it.

‘I sent Amara to check the traps,’ I told him as we headed out. ‘We should get a couple rabbits at least. And another group left to scavenge plants and nuts. We should be able to stretch our rations by a few more days, at least.’

‘Nice thinking. So, where to?’

I led him to a place that was frequently ripe with deer. Bellamy was trying hard to be silent, and although he wasn’t entirely successful, it was still better than what I had expected. Along the way, I managed to shoot two pheasants and one rabbit, which wasn’t much but still better than nothing.

‘You’re good at that,’ Bellamy said. ‘Hunting.’

I blushed. God, what was wrong with me these past few days?

I was saved from answering by the sound of a branch snapping behind us. We crouched and I nocked an arrow.

But what I saw wasn’t a vengeful Grounder armed to the teeth. It was a boar, the biggest boar I had ever seen. And it was standing just a few feet from us. Under Bellamy’s watchful eyes, I drew the string. I had to make a perfect shot, or we would be in danger. I aimed for the animal’s heart and let go of the string. My arrow soared and embedded itself in the animal’s chest. But it didn’t die. It grunted and stumbled to us, its eyes wild.

With a shout, I tried to get back but tripped and fell on my back. I reached for an arrow with shaky fingers but before I could get one, a knife flew over my head and planted itself in the animal’s heart. It collapsed with a grunt and I stared at the dead boar, breathing harshly. I recognized the knife. It was the one I’d given Bellamy on Unity Day.

‘Jesus fucking Christ,’ I breathed out, ‘that was close.’

‘Still want to hunt on your own?’ Bellamy asked as he helped me up.

Our eyes met and I started laughing, still high on adrenaline. By the time I finally calmed down, Bellamy was looking at me with a strange expression on his face. I ignored it and we got to work. The boar was too big for us to bring it back home like this. We quickly skinned and deboned the animal and stored them in bags for later. We cut the rest of the carcass and stored it as well. It was still heavy, but more manageable.

‘I think we got enough,’ I said. ‘Let’s head back. It’s getting dark anyway.’

We made our way back to camp as the sun set above us, panting under the weight of the meat. The others saw the sheer size of our bags and they cheered. I inspected what the others had brought back, and although we weren’t saved yet, it was still enough to lasts us for a few weeks.

‘Is everyone back?’ I asked Amara.

‘Finn, Clarke and Myles are still out there. But they should be back soon.’

I nodded, a little worried. It was late, and with Finn with them, it didn’t seem likely that they had gotten lost. If Clarke and Finn had been alone, I wouldn’t have been surprised. But they had Myles, so they probably weren’t…occupied.

No. Something was wrong. I tried to find Bellamy, but I couldn’t see him. He was probably in his tent.

‘We have a problem,’ I said as I entered. ‘I think Clarke and-’

I stared, unable to move. Bellamy was lying in bed, naked under his covers. Raven was sitting on the edge of the bed, putting on a shirt, her legs bare. They both froze when they saw me.

‘I’m so sorry,’ I mumbled as I left the tent. My heart was beating wildly in my chest and I couldn’t breathe properly, as if a weight was pressing on my chest. I left camp, heading into the dark woods. I heard footsteps running after me and soon, someone grabbed my arm. I turned around, not surprised to see Raven.

‘Y/N, I- I didn’t mean-’

‘It’s okay,’ I said quickly, interrupting her. My voice was small and I hated how weak it sounded. What was wrong with me? ‘It’s fine. You guys can do whatever you want.’

‘Y/N, please.’

‘I’m fine,’ I repeated, and my voice cracked.

Why was I even upset? Bellamy had been sleeping with girls since the day we’d landed, and it had never bothered me before. He could do whatever the hell he wanted. And Raven too. So why did the thought of them sleeping together hurt me so much?

‘I didn’t know you had feeling for him, I swear,’ Raven said.

My head snapped up.

‘I don’t have feelings for him. He’s my friend.’

Raven stared at me, doubt evident on her face. I ignored it.

‘And so are you,’ I told her firmly. ‘If that’s what you need to get over Finn, then great. I’m happy for you.’

‘Y/N-’

‘Stop. I said it’s fine. We don’t have time for this. Finn, Clarke and Myles are missing.’

Her eyes widened.

‘Wait, they were with someone else?’

And suddenly, it all made sense. Raven must have thought Clarke and Finn had gone off together. She hadn’t realized Myles had accompanied them.

‘We need to look for them,’ I said and she nodded firmly.

I tried to forget about Raven and Bellamy, focusing on the problem at hand. She went to finish the walkie-talkies she had been building while I went to find Octavia. I explained the problem and she left to tell Bellamy. I didn’t want to talk to him. Not yet.

But it seems luck wasn’t on my side. I was barely in the woods for five minutes when I heard footsteps behind me. Bellamy had found me.

I ignored him, staring straight ahead. I couldn’t make sense of what I was feeling, not when my friends’ lives were at stake. And Bellamy wasn’t helping.

‘It didn’t mean anything,’ he whispered.

‘I don’t care.’

‘There’s nothing between us.’

I closed my eyes, stopped walking and took a deep breath. I turned around. Bellamy was looking at me, guilt evident on his face.

‘I don’t give a flying fuck who you sleep with, Bellamy. I was just surprised. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to find my friends. So stop talking and help me.’

Thankfully, he didn’t say anything. We walked in silence, trying to find any sign of the missing hunters. Monty’s voice suddenly buzzed from the radio.

‘You said you were heading west. Where are you?’

‘Just keep the moon on your left and you’ll find us,’ Bellamy answered.

‘Is anyone else hearing this signal?’ asked a short time later.

‘Just keep your eyes open,’ Raven replied. She was with Octavia, scouting the woods a few yards to our right.

‘I think it’s the same thing we heard on the black box of the Exodus ship,’ Monty insisted.

‘Damn it, Monty, pay attention!’ Bellamy cursed. ‘Do you see anything? Report.’

There was nothing but silence, and a high-pitched sound that suddenly stopped. I exchanged a worried look with Bellamy. The radio buzzed again, but it wasn’t Monty.

‘There’s someone in the bushes,’ Raven whispered.

We headed towards the girls as quickly and quietly as we could, gun and bow at the ready. But when we finally reached them, we didn’t see a Grounder, or better, Clarke and Finn. We saw Myles, arrows embedded in his leg and chest.

‘Myles, what happened?’ Octavia asked.

‘Where are they?’ Raven added. ‘Clarke and Finn? Where are they?’

‘Grounders took them,’ he answered with difficulty.

‘Take it easy,’ Bellamy told Myles before turning to us. ‘We have to get him back to camp.’

‘Bell, what about Clarke and Finn?’ Octavia asked.

He didn’t answer, but we knew. There was no way we were getting them back tonight, especially with Myles injured.

‘Raven…’ Bellamy said. She was standing away from us, clearly upset. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘We need to make a stretcher,’ she said with a rough voice, blinking back tears.

She walked into the woods, searching for branches long and strong enough to carry Myles.

‘Monty, we’re heading home,’ Bellamy said to the radio. ‘You copy? Monty, can you hear me?’

Bellamy kept trying to reach him but there was no answer. My heart was beating a hundred miles a minute in my chest. What if Monty had been taken as well? He sounded so worried on the radio. We should have waited for him, it was stupid to make him go alone. Quickly, we assembled an improvised stretcher. We carried Myles back to camp, his moans of pain too loud in the silent woods. Once in the dropship, I headed out with Octavia to try and find Monty

‘Wait,’ she said suddenly. ‘What is that?’

She knelt and gasped, reaching down. I ran to her and cursed when I saw she was holding a walkie talkie. The one Monty had been carrying. I looked around, but all the tracks that could have led us to him were destroyed by the rain.

We stayed out there as long as we could, until we couldn’t ignore Bellamy’s calls through the radio anymore. Defeated, we headed back to camp.

Inside the dropship, Myles was crying out in pain, his brow sweaty and his hands shaking. Clarke was the only one with medical knowledge, and I feared that without her, Myles wouldn’t survive. I climbed to the third level, and sat down heavily on one of the seats. With a shaky smile, I realized this was the same seat as the one I had sat on when the dropship was released from the Ark. Things had been so simple then.

I was exhausted. Today had been a roller coaster of emotions that I still didn’t understand. Why had I reacted so violently to Bellamy and Raven? But then, I remembered my conversation with Raven. And I realized that maybe, I was just too blind and scared to admit that she was right. And the longer I thought about it, the more it made sense.

I had feelings for Bellamy Blake.


	12. Chapter 12

As a child, I used to believe in ghosts. The cabin next to the one I shared with my family had been empty for years due to an unsolved heating issue, but every night between one and three in the morning, I could hear a clanging sound come from within. No one knew what it was, not even my mother who, as an engineer and an insufferable know-it-all, always had an answer to everything.

The older children of Tesla Station convinced me it was the ghost of a little boy whose parents had been floated long ago. They told me the clanging was the sound of his fist hitting the metal walls, trying to find a way out so he could join them in the empty vacuum of space.

I would lie awake for hours every night, listening to the noise: clang! clang! clang! But I wasn’t frightened. I was sad. I thought about the boy, alone in a dark cabin, his family dead and lost. He must have been so scared. As a six-year-old little girl whose family was the most important thing in her life, that little ghost was the epitome of my worst nightmares.

How ironic was it that the ghost’s life now mirrored my own? Stranded on an unknown planet inhabited by hostile savages, my father and grandmother dead.

I sighed, shaking my head. I had to focus. The Grounders had already taken Clarke, Finn and Monty. We didn’t know if they were alive or dead. The entire camp was on edge, scrambling to bury landmines and build traps as soon as possible. The enemy could be there any moment.

‘Here, hold this,’ Raven told me.

I took the shovel from her as she carefully put the landmine at the bottom of the hole we’d dug and connected the cord. Dusting our hands on our pants, we both stood up and admired our work: it wasn’t perfect but it would have to do.

‘Come on,’ Bellamy said, weaving through the workers. ‘These foxholes aren’t gonna build themselves.’

I tried to make myself as small as I could, praying he wouldn’t see me. Ever since I had realized my feelings for Bellamy weren’t strictly platonic, I had been avoiding him. It was easier to ignore the situation, both for myself and my dignity.

Raven looked at me, a single eyebrow raised and I glared at her, but it lacked any heat. I just hoped she was the only one who knew about my predicament.

Unfortunately for me, Bellamy headed straight for us.

‘Better hope those landmines work,’ he told Raven. ‘With all the gunpowder we’re wasting, we could be making more grenades.’

‘You wanna come over here and test one?’ she shot back without missing a beat.

‘Cute,’ he replied. I tried to ignore the way my heart seized with jealousy. ‘I need this entire section mined by morning. Then, we finish the south field.’

Raven and I shared a look, alarmed.

‘Hey!’ she protested, going after him. ‘I told you, we’re going after Finn, Clarke and Monty in the morning.’

‘And I told you,’ he replied. ‘Nobody leaves this camp.’

‘We can’t just abandon our people! You wanna lead them? Show them you give a damn.’

He went to answer but suddenly, we heard a deafening gunshot. I ran to the source of the noise, followed closely by Bellamy and Raven. It wasn’t hard to see who had fired: Sterling’s face was filled with guilt and embarrassment.

‘Hey!’ Bellamy shouted. ‘What the hell’s the matter with you?’

‘I’m sorry, man, I fell asleep. I’ve been on watch all day.’

‘We’ve all been on watch all day!’ Bellamy yelled back, shoving him against the wall. ‘That bullet was one less dead Grounder!’

‘Bell, you’re scaring people,’ Octavia said softly, trying to placate him.

‘They should be scared! The bomb on the bridge bought us some time to prepare, but that time is up. The Grounders are out there right now, waiting for us to leave and picking us off one by one when we do. Clarke, Finn and Monty are gone. Probably dead. And if you wanna be next, I can’t stop you. But no guns are leaving this camp! This camp is the only thing keeping us alive!’

Bellamy looked at the crowd, at the scared faces staring at him. The only thing that could be heard was his ragged breathing.

‘Get back to work,’ he ordered us, stalking back to the dropship. The crowd dispersed until only Raven and I were left. I was still staring at Bellamy’s retreating figure.

‘You should go,’ she said.

I turned to look at her. She was smiling softly, a stark difference to the frown she’d been wearing all day long.

‘I’m serious, Y/N,’ she insisted. ‘Go. I’m pretty sure you’re the only one on this planet who can make him change his mind. He needs to see reason about Clarke, Finn and Monty.’

I nodded. Saving our friends was more important than my own pride. Leaving Raven, I entered the dropship, my heart hammering in my chest. Bellamy was breathing harshly, leaning over the table. On the other side of the room, Myles was moaning in pain: with Clarke gone, there was no one who could treat his wounds.

‘Hey,’ I said softly. Bellamy’s head snapped up. ‘You okay?’

‘I’m fine,’ he replied, but the darkness in his eyes said otherwise. I leaned my hip against the table, trying to ignore how close that made us.

‘You don’t need to pretend,’ I said. ‘Not with me.’

I remembered embracing him after Atom’s death, and grabbing his hand when Octavia was kidnapped. I remembered him holding me back after Charlotte had jumped off the cliff and taking care of me when I was injured. Despite all odds, Bellamy was the only one that had seen me at my lowest. And vice-versa.

Bellamy sighed deeply, giving up on his illusion of strength. He suddenly looked exhausted, and scared.

‘Do you think I’m wrong,’ he asked. ‘About Clarke, Finn and Monty?’

‘No,’ I answered.

His head snapped up, his face the picture of complete surprise.

‘That doesn’t mean I think you’re right either,’ I continued before he could get his hopes up. ‘We have to go after them. They’re our friends, our people. We can’t abandon them. But we can’t send the entire camp out, not when the Grounders might attack any moment. That’s just plain stupid. We have to stay inside the walls and get ready.’

‘Just get to the point, Y/N.’

I squared my shoulders, knowing he wouldn’t like my plan one bit.

‘I’ll go,’ I said.

Bellamy didn’t disappoint. His eyes widened and his fists clenched involuntarily.

‘You better be joking.’

‘I’m not. Look, I know the woods better than anyone and right now, I’m the best tracker in camp. I can fight, I’m stealthy and I have my bow so I don’t even need a gun. Bellamy, I’m the best chance you’ve got.’

‘That’s why we need you here!’ he protested.

‘Clarke, Finn and Monty need me more.’

Bellamy breathed out harshly, running his hands through his hair. I couldn’t help but feel guilty, knowing I was only adding to his troubles. But my plan was sound.

‘I’m leaving in the morning,’ I said. ‘It’s not up to discussion.’

‘I’ll stop you.’

‘How? By choking me again?’

It was a cheap shot and I regretted it instantly, but the damage was done. Bellamy’s face hardened, his eyes cold.

‘Whatever. It’s your life to ruin,’ he said.

He turned to the table, studying the camp’s model. It didn’t take a genius to realize that conversation was over, and all I had managed to do was piss him off.

Raven would be thrilled.

* * *

The third level of the dropship had been turned into a workshop for both Raven and Monty. It was also where my arrows were stored. Courtesy of Raven, they were now upgraded with metal ends. I had to sharpen them before I headed out to find Clarke, Finn and Monty. I climbed up, breathing a heavy sigh once I was out of Bellamy’s sight. I had only been up there for a few minutes when Jasper climbed in. He looked sullen, and it wasn’t hard to guess why.

‘Bellamy is being an ass?’ I asked.

He nodded, looking tense. I didn’t know him well, but I knew he was very close to Monty. Bellamy’s refusal to look for him must have hit Jasper bad.

‘I’m going in the morning,’ I told him. ‘Just me. I’ll bring them back if I can.’

Jasper’s head snapped up.

‘Really? Thanks, Y/N.’

‘No problem.’

We got to work in comfortable silence, Jasper working on the mines while I sharpened my arrows. After some time, Jasper’s stomach started growling loudly and I laughed.

‘Come on,’ I said. ‘Let’s get something to eat.’

We climbed down, one after the other but as Jasper was about to reach the final ladder, he froze. My feet almost knocked into his head.

‘What is it?’ I asked, frowning when he didn’t answer. ‘Jasper?’

‘Y/N, get back upstairs,’ he said slowly. ‘Lock the hatch.’

Before I could move, I heard someone running. Jasper dropped down the ladder, and I quickly climbed down. But as soon as my feet touched the floor, I froze. Murphy was standing in front of the table, a gun pointed at Jasper’s head. From the corner of my eyes, I saw Myles. His face was blank, his body still. Dead.

‘Murphy, just put the gun down,’ Jasper said.

I instinctively reached for my bow, and cursed silently when I realized I had left it upstairs. I was completely unarmed and the thought of how vulnerable I was made my heart race in my chest.

‘Why are you doing this?’ I asked Murphy, my voice weaker than I would have liked.

He looked back at Myles, disdain in his eyes.

‘He tried to kill me.’

Jasper took a step back toward the door, pulling me with him and Murphy snarled, the gun going from Jasper’s head to mine.

‘Don’t move!’ he shouted.

I froze, shaking. My courage had left me the moment I had realized I didn’t have my bow. I wished I was braver. Clarke, Bellamy, Raven…even Jasper, none of them were shaking in their boots at the slightest sign of danger. But I was.

‘Okay,’ Jasper tried to placate Murphy. ‘Okay. It’s cool.’

‘No. It’s not. You know what will happen to me if you guys tell Bellamy.’

Jasper’s radio suddenly crackled and I inhaled sharply as I heard the voice of the man in question coming through. My heart raced faster, and I tried to convince myself it was because of the fear.

‘Tell Bellamy what?’ he asked.

Murphy and Jasper stared at each other, the air thick with tension. I was trying to make myself look as small as possible behind Jasper. Not that it was working much.

‘Give me the radio, Jasper,’ Murphy ordered.

Jasper turned his head, looking at me. I knew what he was asking, how dangerous it would be. And without a word, knowing I might have just signed my death warrant, I nodded. Immediately, Jasper brought the radio to his mouth.

‘Murphy has a gun, he killed Myles-’

Snarling, Murphy shot forward and slammed the gun in Jasper’s head, knocking him unconscious. He reached for me and I tried to get away, but his grip on my wrist was too strong. He dragged me to the lever and pulled it before I could react, sealing the door shut.

‘Murphy!’ I head Bellamy shout from outside.

I twisted in Murphy’s grip, doing everything in my power to keep him from getting a stronger grip. If I let him overpower me, it was over. I managed to bring my arm up and punched him in the face as hard as I could. White hot pain erupted in my hand and I felt tears pool in my eyes, but I ignored the pain and tried to get away, reaching for the lever.

‘You bitch!’ Murphy snarled.

He grabbed my hair and twisted my head back before I could open the door. Unable to keep myself upright, I fell against him and he used the position to drag me across the room. He grabbed one of the detached seatbelts and tried to tie my hands but I struggled too much. He let go of my arms, and before I could react, slammed my head against the wall. I felt a bolt dig into my cheekbone and the pain dazed me long enough for Murphy to twist my arms behind my back and tie them to the wall. He then shoved a piece of fabric in my mouth, watching with a smirk as I struggled against my bonds.

Jasper was slowly rousing, groaning in pain on the floor and Murphy tied him up next to me, gagging him as well. He stood over us, gun pointing at our heads, a sick smile on his face.

‘Well,’ he said, ‘this will be interesting.’

* * *

Morning came, and the more time passed, the more on edge Murphy was. Whatever his plan was, I knew he hadn’t counted on being discovered so soon. He must have killed Connor as well. Clarke had been surprised at his death, since he seemed to get better. I should have realized there was something suspicious there, but I was so relieved at Bellamy’s recovery I hadn’t even thought to wonder about Connor.

‘Murphy,’ Bellamy’s voice suddenly came from the radio, ‘I know you can hear me.’

I wondered if he knew I was in there. Perhaps he thought I had left already, to search for Monty, Clarke and Finn. As far as he knew, there was only Jasper here.

‘All our ammo and food’s in the middle level, you know that,’ Bellamy continued. ‘You’re leaving us vulnerable to an attack. I can’t let that happen.’

Murphy scowled, grabbing the radio.

‘Yeah, well in case you haven’t noticed, you’re not exactly in control right now.’

‘Come on, Murphy, you don’t wanna hurt Jasper, you wanna hurt me.’

My eyes widened, and I exchanged a panicked look with Jasper. I had a feeling I knew what Bellamy was about to do, and I didn’t like it one bit.

‘So, what do you say?’ he continued. ‘How about you trade him for me?’

 _That fucking idiot_ , I thought furiously.

Murphy wasn’t going to hurt Jasper or me, not yet anyway. But if he was on a revenge spree against the people who had tried to hang him, then Bellamy was probably on top of that list. If he came in here, Murphy would kill him without a second thought.

‘All you have to do is let him go and I’ll take his place,’ Bellamy finished.

‘How?’ Murphy asked, a sick smile on his face.

I tried to shout despite the gag in my mouth and Murphy smirked at me. I struggled against my bonds, blood boiling in my veins. God, how I hated him.

‘Simple,’ Bellamy answered. ‘You open the door, I walk in, he walks out.’

Murphy put down the radio, looking at Jasper intensely. I tried to shout again, to beg him not to do it, but all that came out of my mouth was pure gibberish. Murphy suddenly seized Jasper, pulling him to his feet roughly. He dragged him to the lever and pulled it as I watched helplessly.

‘Just you, Bellamy, unarmed!’ Murphy shouted. ‘Ten seconds, or I’ll put one in Jasper’s leg!’

He started counting, and at five, Bellamy yelled back that he was there. I heard heavy footsteps and the drapes opened, revealing Bellamy’s tense face. Immediately, Murphy shoved Jasper outside, making him fall, and closed the door. It sealed shut, just as Bellamy saw me. His eyes took in the gag in my mouth, the bleeding cut on my cheekbone and my tied-up hands. There was surprise on his face and a heart-wrenching fear that wasn’t there when he’d walked in.

Bellamy took a step towards me, his arms outstretched, but Murphy cocked his gun at him and he froze.

‘Let her go,’ Bellamy said. ‘She has nothing to do with this.’

‘Doesn’t she? It was her little protégée who killed Wells and didn’t care to mention it when  _you_  were hanging me from a tree. No, no. Y/N’s staying right here.’

Bellamy looked at me, regret and pain in his eyes. There was guilt there too, and I realized he thought it was his fault. I wished I could tell him it wasn’t, that if there was someone to blame, it was Murphy and Murphy alone. But I couldn’t talk, and I hated the gag with a fiery passion.

Murphy suddenly threw detached seatbelts at Bellamy. They clattered to the floor and he looked at them, puzzled.

‘Tie them up together,’ Murphy ordered.

‘What? No.’

Murphy raised an eyebrow and smirked. Before either of us could react, he pointed the gun at me and fired. The bullet hit the floor, right between my feet and I whimpered in fear, the sound echoing in my head. Bellamy’s eyes were wide with both anger and fear.

‘Do what I say, Bellamy. Or the next one goes in her leg.’

The radio crackled, Octavia’s frantic voice coming through.

‘Bellamy? Bellamy, are you okay?’

‘You want her to know you’re alive?’ Murphy asked as Octavia kept calling her brother’s name. ‘Start tying.’

Bellamy dropped to his knees, obeying Murphy’s orders.

‘I’m fine,’ he said when Murphy pushed the radio’s button. ‘Just a misfire. Stop worrying about me and get back to work. All of you. And tell Raven to hurry her ass up.’

‘Alright, that’s long enough,’ Murphy decided, putting the radio away. He then gestured at the seatbelts on Bellamy’s lap. ‘Tie those two ends together.’

I couldn’t help the whimper of fear that escaped me when I realized what he was making. A noose. It wasn’t hard to see what Murphy intended to do. Just like Bellamy had tried to hang him, he was going to hang Bellamy. I felt fear course through my system, an image of Bellamy hanging from a rope playing on a loop in my mind. I couldn’t stand it.

‘Alright,’ Murphy said once it was done. ‘Now get up and toss it over.’

Bellamy obeyed, tossing the improvised rope over a metal beam, the noose swinging in the air.

‘What do you want me to say?’ Bellamy asked, his eyes desperate. ‘You want me to apologize? I’m- I’m sorry.’

‘You got it all wrong, Bellamy. I don’t want you to say anything. I want you to feel what I felt. And then… Then I want you to die.’

I tried to shout, despite the gag in my mouth and struggled against my bonds. Murphy pointed the gun at my head and I glared at him.

‘Shut the hell up. This isn’t about you, Sunshine.’

I felt my blood boil at the nickname. It felt wrong coming from Murphy’s mouth, and from the corner of my eyes, I saw Bellamy scowl. Murphy focused back on Bellamy, keeping the gun against my head.

‘Get that bench,’ Murphy ordered, ‘or I pull the trigger.’

I shook my head frantically but Bellamy obeyed without a word, dragging the bench under the beam.

‘Now stand on it. Put the noose around your neck.’

Bellamy, standing on the bench, looked at the rope, disgust in his eyes.

‘This is insane. The Grounders could’ve-’

Suddenly, Murphy shot. The bullet passed so close to my face I felt the air shift against my skin. I whimpered, my eyes wide and Bellamy froze.

‘Put it over your head,’ Murphy repeated. ‘Unless you want to watch as I put a bullet in your little girlfriend’s face.’

I didn’t even react at Murphy’s use of the word “girlfriend”. How could I, when Bellamy had just put the noose around his neck, and all Murphy had to do to end his life was kick the bench?

‘Happy now?’ Bellamy asked, trying to appear defiant despite the fear in his eyes.

Murphy pulled on the rope and Bellamy had to rise on his toes to keep it from strangling him. My heart was racing in my chest, pounding so hard it hurt.

‘You’re so brave, aren’t you?’ Murphy mocked. ‘I mean, you came in here thinking you were gonna turn this whole thing around. That you were stronger than me, that maybe one of your friends would come and help you. Well, what are you thinking now, Bellamy? Hm?’

He pulled on the rope again and I shouted in anger. I kicked my feet against the floor, trying to attract Murphy’s attention and he smirked, letting go of the rope. Bellamy took a deep breath as I glared at Murphy.

‘She’s a fierce little thing, isn’t she?’ He mocked, looking at Bellamy. ‘So protective. You know, I gotta hand it to you, Bellamy. You got them all fooled. They actually look up to you. Almost as much as they look up to Clarke. Yeah, but we know the truth, don’t we? You’re a coward. I learned that the day you kicked out the crate from beneath me. For the people. Isn’t that what you said? That you were just giving the people what they wanted. Right?’

‘I should’ve stopped them.’

I could see it, the regret on his face. He had made a mistake, and he knew it. But Murphy didn’t care.

‘Yeah, it’s a little late for that now,’ he said.

‘How does this end for you, Murphy? You think they’re just gonna let you walk out of here?’

‘Well, I think the princess is dead. And I know the king’s about to die, so who’s really gonna lead these people? Huh? Me. That’s who. And yeah, maybe I have to kill Kane and your Grounder-pounding little sister.’

Snarling, Bellamy tried to kick Murphy but he evaded the hit. Murphy ran to the rope and pushed on it so hard, Bellamy’s feet left the crate. His air supply was cut off abruptly and I screamed against the gag as he twisted in the air, his mouth wide open, desperate for oxygen.

I thought this was it, that I was going to have to watch Bellamy died, but suddenly, I heard a sharp yell coming from below the floor. Murphy let go of the rope and Bellamy’s feet found purchase on the crate again. He wheezed, his face red.

‘I’m guessing that’s her right now,’ Murphy said. ‘Say goodbye to your sister, Bellamy.’

He aimed his gun at the ground and started shooting, ignoring Bellamy’s screams. His gun suddenly jammed and Bellamy took the opportunity, trying to get free of the noose. But Murphy saw him. He kicked the crate, and my heart stopped.

With a sick smile, Murphy kneeled next to me and ripped the gag out of my mouth. He took my chin harshly in his hands and forced me to look as Bellamy struggled against the rope, gasping for air.

‘It’s a beautiful sight, isn’t it?’ he said.

‘Please,’ I whimpered. ‘Murphy, don’t do this, I’ll do anything you want. Just let him go, I’m begging you!’

I struggled against my bonds desperately, ignoring the pain in my wrists but I couldn’t get free of the rope, no matter how hard I struggled. Bellamy’s eyes locked with mine, filled with fear and pain. He was going to die. I’d never been in love before, and what I felt for Bellamy was just a taste of love, but I was so dependent on him already. His death would break me.

‘Don’t worry, Y/N,’ Murphy said, as tears rolled down my cheeks. ‘You’re next.’

Suddenly, we heard the door hissing. It was opening. I tried to scream but Murphy put a hand against my mouth. He cut the rope tying my hands with a knife and I tried to get up and run to Bellamy, to do something, anything to save him, but Murphy shoved me against the wall roughly.

‘Climb, or I shoot him,’ he ordered.

I didn’t hesitate. The others were going to be here soon, and with luck, they would cut down the rope in time and save Bellamy. But if I didn’t obey Murphy, he would shoot him and the only thing I would have accomplished was destroying the last hope of saving him.

I climbed the ladder as fast as I could, Murphy right behind me. Once on the third level, he shoved me to the floor and quickly tied my hands to the wall. I didn’t struggle. I was no match for him, and the most important thing now was staying alive. Antagonizing him was out of the question. He locked the hatch with a pipe and started rummaging the crates for ammo. My heart was hammering in my chest, fear coursing through my system. I could hear shouts coming from the first level and Octavia screaming her brother’s name. God, I hoped it wasn’t too late.

‘Murphy!’

I closed my eyes in relief, sagging against the wall. It was Bellamy’s voice, rough and pained, but definitely alive. Murphy looked at the hatch, terrified, and I couldn’t help the sharp laugh that escaped me.

‘Not so brave now, huh?’ I mocked, relief making me brave.

He glared at me, but didn’t answer. He put a single bullet in his gun and walked to me just as Bellamy tried to open the hatch. We all knew the thin pipe wouldn’t hold long.

‘Murphy!’ Bellamy shouted. ‘It’s over!’

‘Get back or I put a bullet in Kane’s head!’ Murphy yelled back, aiming at my face.

‘Hurt her and I’ll kill you!’

Murphy looked around, but there was no way out. He only had one bullet, and if he killed me now, there would be nothing to stop Bellamy from ending his life. Likewise, if he shot Bellamy, then the others wouldn’t show him mercy. Perhaps they’d hang him again.

Suddenly, Murphy’s eyes locked on a can. The gunpowder. My eyes widened and I only had enough time to try and make myself as small as possible before Murphy pulled the trigger. But not at me. At the can. The gunpowder exploded in a deafening explosion. By the time the smoke cleared, I could see Murphy jump out of the resulting hole.

Just then, the pipe broke and the hatch opened. Bellamy climbed in, and the relief I felt at seeing him alive nearly overwhelmed he. I called his name and he ran to me, his hands running over my face, my arms, everywhere he could reach. Jasper handed him a knife and he cut the rope binding my hands. As soon as I was free, I pulled him in and held him as tightly as I could. His arms closed around my waist and he buried his head in my neck, the both of us breathing hard.

‘You’re okay, Sunshine,’ he said and I laughed at the nickname. It felt ridiculously good to hear it again, when not a minute before, I thought he was going to die. I pulled back a little and looked at his neck, at the reddened skin where the rope had pressed. Without thinking, I ran my fingers across the marks. Bellamy looked at me, his face unreadable.

‘Murphy’s getting away,’ Jasper said. ‘Should we go after him?’

I suddenly realized what I was doing and how close I was to Bellamy. Blushing furiously, I got to my feet and kept my eyes glued to the ground.

‘No,’ Bellamy answered Jasper. ‘The Grounders will take care of Murphy. We’re going after Clarke, Finn and Monty.’

My head snapped up. Bellamy was looking at me, a soft smile on his face.

‘You guys were right,’ he continued. ‘We don’t abandon our own. Just the three of us. Two guns, one bow, that’s it. Raven stays here to build up defences. We lost a day because of this. And our gunpowder.’

He headed for the hatch but Jasper stopped him.

‘Bellamy, wait,’ he called. ‘Look, I just…’

At a loss for words, Jasper pulled Bellamy into a hug. The other man tensed up, surprised, and patted Jasper’s back awkwardly.

‘Thank you,’ Jasper said.

He took a step back, teary-eyed.

‘Long way from “whatever the hell you want”, he said.

Bellamy chuckled. Suddenly, the radio crackled and Miller’s voice came through.

‘All gunners, we got movement outside the south wall.’

We sprang back into action immediately. I grabbed my bow and quiver and we hurried outside, joining the others as they converged towards the gate.

‘Wait!’ Miller shouted. ‘Hold your fire, it’s Clarke and Finn. Open the gate.’

As soon as the gate opened, Finn and Clarke ran in, the both of them looking exhausted but otherwise unarmed. I breathed in sharply, relieved.

‘Hey, we heard an explosion,’ Clarke said, ‘what happened?’

‘Murphy happened,’ Bellamy replied.

Jasper suddenly pulled Clarke in a hug, a huge smile on his face.

‘Thank God. Where have you been? Where’s Monty?’

‘Monty’s gone?’

Jasper’s face fell, but before I could ask for more information, Finn was talking.

‘Clarke, we need to leave, now. All of us do. There’s an army of Grounders unlike anything we’ve ever seen coming for us right now. We need to pack what we can and run.’

An army of Grounders? The thought was scary enough, but I immediately frowned as Finn said we needed to leave. Where were we supposed to go?

‘Like hell, we do,’ Bellamy scoffed. ‘We knew this was coming.’

‘Bell, we’re not prepared,’ Octavia protested.

‘And they’re not here yet. We still have time to get ready. Besides, where would we go? Where would we be safer than behind these walls?’

‘There’s an ocean to the east,’ Finn answered. ‘People there will help us.’

‘You saw Lincoln,’ Octavia realized.

He nodded.

‘How do you know we can trust them?’ I asked. His plan seemed a bit rushed. ‘Have you met these people? Do you know where they are, exactly?’

He didn’t answer, and I frowned.

‘Y/N’s right. You expect us to trust a Grounder, but you won’t give any more information?’ Bellamy said, before turning to the crowd. ‘This is our home now. We built this from nothing with our bare hands. Our dead are buried behind that wall, in this ground. Our ground! The Grounders think they can take that away. They think that because we came from the sky, we don’t belong here. But they’re yet to realize one very important fact. We are on the ground now. And that means we are Grounders!

The crowd cheered, shaking their weapons above their heads. There was a fierceness on their faces and I couldn’t help but smile. We had come a long way.

‘Grounders with gun!’ someone added.

‘Damn right,’ Bellamy said. ‘I say let them come!’

He looked at Clarke, looking for her support.

‘Bellamy’s right,’ she agreed. ‘If we leave, we may never find a place as safe as this. And God knows, in this world, we could be faced with something even worse tomorrow. But that doesn’t change the simple fact that if we stay here, we will die tonight. So pack your things. Just take what you can carry. Now.’

The crowd dispersed, running to their tents under Bellamy’s desperate gaze. I was about to go to my own tent when I heard someone cry out.

‘Help me!’

I turned and gasped when I saw Raven limping towards us. She had a hand pressed to her side, her clothes darkened with blood. We hurried towards her and Finn lifted her in his arms.

‘Murphy shot her,’ Jasper said.

She must have been the one under the floor of the dropship, and not Octavia like I’d thought. Finn brought her into the dropship, and Clarke was about to follow when Bellamy stopped her.

‘Clarke. Leaving here is a mistake.’

‘I agree,’ I said. ‘We don’t even know if the Grounder was telling the truth! What if it’s a trap?’

‘The decision’s been made,’ she answered.

‘Crowds make bad decisions,’ Bellamy protested. ‘Just ask Murphy. Leaders do what they think is right.’

‘I am,’ she answered firmly.

She left without another word, and I was left with Bellamy, the both of us staring at her retreating figure.

‘They’re going to slaughter us,’ I breathed out. I held my bow tightly, the wood familiar and reassuring under my fingers.

‘They can try,’ Bellamy replied darkly. Our eyes met and I took a deep breath, finding courage in his gaze. We had no choice.

We had to fight, or die trying.


	13. Chapter 13

The forest was too quiet. There were no wind rustling the leaves, no animals scurrying away from sight, nothing. The atmosphere was heavy, the air pressing on my lungs so hard, it was getting hard to breathe.

I knew most of what I was feeling came from nerves. But as we departed from our camp to chase a mysterious village by the sea, an army of Grounders after us, I couldn’t help but feel I was right to be nervous. At least, I had my bow and a good number of arrows in my quiver. I wasn’t defenceless, and that was a big step up from the whole Murphy situation.

I looked back at Bellamy. He was walking a few steps behind me, his gun held tightly in his hands. His face was the picture of concentration, but there was fear too in the crease between his brows and the tightness of his jaws. His eyes met mine and I offered him a small smile, the best I could do at the moment.

Suddenly, we stopped. I tried to see what was happening, but the boys in front of me were too tall.

‘Why are we stopping?’ Raven asked weakly. She was lying on an improvised stretcher, her wound too serious for her to walk.

‘I don’t know,’ Finn answered.

We heard shouts come from the head of the group, and Jasper started yelling about Grounders. I nocked an arrow and pushed my way to the front. Drew was dead on the ground with a wicked-looking blade embedded in his face. Bellamy joined me, and we both squinted at the woods, trying to spot the enemy.

‘I don’t see anything!’ I said frantically.

‘Me neither. Damn it. Everyone, back to camp!’

At the speed we were going, it didn’t take us long to get back to the dropship. We ran in, a crowd of scared, screaming teenagers and I climbed the platform so I could see over the wall. Bellamy and Clarke were already there, squinting at the darkening woods.

‘Where are they?’ Bellamy asked. ‘Why aren’t they attacking?’

Clarke’s eyes widened.

‘Because we’re doing exactly what they wanted us to do.’

‘What are you talking about?’

Ignoring Bellamy’s question, she turned to Finn who was looking at her from the ground. His hands were stained with Raven’s blood and I averted my eyes.

‘Lincoln said scouts would be the first to arrive,’ Clarke said.

‘If it’s just scouts,’ Octavia replied, ‘we can fight our way out. That’s what Lincoln would do.’

‘We’re done doing what that Grounder would do,’ Bellamy scowled, jumping down. ‘We tried it and now Drew is dead. You wanna be next?’

‘That Grounder saved our lives!’ Finn protested. ‘I agree with Octavia. For all we know, there’s one scout out there.’

‘Or twenty!’ I scoffed.

‘With insanely good aim,’ Jasper added.

‘Clarke, we can still do this!’ Octavia insisted.

We all stared at Clarke, knowing she would be the one to make the decision.

‘They’re looking to you, princess,’ Bellamy told her and I had to bite my cheek to stop myself from scowling. Now was not the time for me to be jealous of a stupid nickname. Bellamy continued: ‘What’s it gonna be? Run and get picked off out in the open or stand and fight back?’

She looked at the woods, her hands clenched together. I didn’t envy her. To have the lives of dozens of people in her hands, knowing that if she made the wrong decision, we would all die? It was a terrible responsibility to have. Her face set, she jumped down the platform.

‘Clarke,’ Finn stopped her, ‘if we’re still here when Tristan gets here-’

‘Lincoln said “scouts”,’ she interrupted him. ‘As in more than one. He said, “Get home before the scouts arrive.” Finn, they’re already here.’

She then turned to Bellamy.

‘Looks like you’ve got your fight.’

Bellamy nodded and turned to the crowd.

‘Okay then,’ he said loudly. ‘This is what we’ve been preparing for. Kill them before they kill us. Gunners, to your posts. Use the tunnels to get in and out. From now on, the gate stays closed.’

The group dispersed, every one of them running to their designated positions. The gunners in the foxholes, some on lookout, the others inside the dropship. My position was a little more complicated. The problem with living in the woods, was that we had poor visibility. When the Grounders attack, we wouldn’t know about it until they were already close.

But I had another plan. The Grounders weren’t the only ones to have scouts. If I went into the woods and found the army, I could warn my friends of their numbers, their weapons, how fast they were going and from which direction they were coming. That knowledge was invaluable. Of course, if I didn’t get caught and slaughtered first.

‘Y/N.’

I turned as Bellamy called my name. He had a gun in his hand, the one he had brought with him from the Ark. He handed it to me and I took it gingerly.

‘What is this for?’ I asked.

‘It’s a last resort. In case your bow isn’t enough. There’s only one bullet inside, there weren’t any more left.’

I ran my fingers down the metal. It was smooth and cold to the touch.

‘Thank you,’ I said, looking up at him. ‘I’ll take care of it.’

For a minute, we stared at each other. There were so many things I wanted to say, but with death looming over us, my feelings seemed trivial. And maybe I was a coward, but I didn’t think I would be able to deal with his inevitable rejection. Not when this might be the last time I saw him.

Slowly, savouring every second, I rose on my tiptoes and wound my arms around his neck, pulling him against me. He didn’t hesitate and held me, his hands gripping the back of my shirt. I buried my head in the crook of his neck, taking a deep breath. He smelled of sweat, gunpowder and the unmistakable scent of the forest. I could feel his heart beat against my chest, hard and fast.

‘You better come back, Kane,’ he said, his voice low and rough.

I laughed, the sound small and broken.

‘Is that a threat, Blake?’

‘If that’s what it takes to make sure you return in one piece? Then, yeah, you bet your ass it’s a threat.’

I pulled away and gave him my best smile.

‘Consider me threatened,’ I said and he chuckled.

Without another word, I turned away from Bellamy and walked out of the gate, watching as they closed it behind me. Faced with the darkening woods, I suddenly felt alone. It seemed as if the world had fallen upon my shoulders and I took a deep breath, trying to find enough courage to keep going. The lives of my friends depended on it.

My priority was making sure I wouldn’t be seen. I was wearing dark clothes and a cloth around my face to make sure my skin wouldn’t show too much. Whatever I couldn’t hide, I covered with mud.

The Grounder’s village was most likely after the bridge Raven had blown up, and even if it would take them longer to get here without it, that was probably the direction they would come from. I headed there, walking as quietly as I could, aware that even the smallest mistakes could mean my death.

Twice, I spotted scouts. The first one surprised me and I nearly walked into him. Thankfully, he seemed rather focused on the cooked squirrel he was munching on and didn’t see me. I walked away from him, sweat trickling down my back and my heart hammering in my chest. On my hip, Bellamy’s gun was a constant reassurance and it felt as if a part of him was here with me. Protecting me.

I managed to sneak past the second scout without much difficulty, and before I knew it, I heard the clamour of hundreds of voices, drums and blades being sharpened. I crouched, crawling in the dirt until I could peek over a ridge.

I stifled a gasp. There were so many Grounders. I counted roughly three hundred of them, armed to the teeth. I saw swords, machetes, bows, hatchets, maces, spears… My heart sank. We couldn’t face an army like this one. Not without a hundred guns, and a thousand bullets. We had to flee.

How could I have been so stupid, thinking staying in camp was the better option? We should have listened to Octavia, to Finn. That mistake would cost us our lives.

The army was moving fast, they would reach the camp before midnight. We didn’t have much time left. I backed away, staying down until I was sure they wouldn’t see me. Quickly and quietly, I started walking back to camp. People had to know. Bellamy had to know.

I was crossing the river, the freezing water up to my knees when I heard it. Splashing, coming from behind me. I whirled around and my eyes widened when I saw a Grounder, a battle axe in his hands. He was looking at me, a dark look in his eyes.

‘Yu laik stedaun, skaigada,’ he said, his voice dark.

He was too close. By the time I nocked an arrow, he would already be on me. And if I fired the gun, the entire army would find me. There was only one solution. Running.

I took off, struggling in the water. The man was large and was dressed in heavy leather. I was fastest, I could lose him. I was nearly to the other bank when I felt a sharp pain in my thigh. I cried out and when I tried to take a step, my leg gave out underneath me and I collapsed. I turned around, wincing at the pain. There was a dagger, embedded in my leg. It wasn’t deep, but the wound burned.

The Grounder was running towards me, with a wide smile on his face. I was terrified. I wasn’t a fighter, like Bellamy or Munroe. I was a hunter, a scavenger. My arrows were never meant for human beings. Was I going to die, here, in this river? Would my body float away and rot, for the pleasure of the crows?

I was ready to give up. I was so tired, and the pain in my leg made me see stars. But if I died, then the camp would never know about how big the army was, or when they would arrive. It didn’t mean much. Perhaps the information wouldn’t change anything. But I had a job to do, and I couldn’t die like this.

With a cry of pain, I rose on my feet. My thigh throbbed, but I did my best to ignore the pain. I pulled out my dagger and threw a dark look at the Grounder. He stopped running and tilted his head, staring at me with a smirk.

‘There is a fire in you, Sky-girl,’ he said. ‘I had not expected that.’

He took a step forward, swinging his axe as if it was nothing. The fear rose in me, but I crushed it.

‘Leave,’ I said, ‘or you will die today.’ For a second, it was as if my father was speaking. My voice was strong, unwavering. The Kane voice.

The Grounder laughed, throwing his head back.

‘Do your best, child.’

With a yell, he rushed towards me, his axe raised above his head. I crouched at the last second, the blade slicing the air above my head. I sprang back up and slashed at his chest with my dagger but he evaded, and before I could move, his fist crashed into the side of my face. The sheer strength of the blow sent me flying in the river and I coughed as I swallowed a mouthful of water. The Grounder stood over me, smirking.

‘I will enjoy killing you, girl.’

I tried to get up but he kicked me in the ribs, pain erupting in my side. He dropped to his knees, straddling me and his hands gripped my jacket. He pulled me up until my face was mere centimetres away from his.

‘Yu gonplei ste odon.’

He pushed me under the water. I struggled against his grip with all I had, clawing and hitting and tearing, but his grip was strong and I couldn’t shake him. My head was pounding from the lack of oxygen, my heart hammering in my chest so hard, it was all I could hear. The water was reddening from the blood leaking from my thigh, and I was starting to see stars. I thought about Bellamy, his smile, his voice, his eyes.

 _His gun!_  I thought in a last bit of sanity.

I reached for my hip and pulled the gun from the waistband of my jeans. I didn’t know if guns could even fire underwater, but my dagger was lost, my bow unusable and it was my last resort. I used the last of my strength and aimed at the Grounder, pulling the trigger.

I had expected the sound to be muffled by the water. How wrong I’d been. The shot was deafening, the sound ringing in my ears. The Grounder’s hold loosened and I sat up, my head breaching the surface. I coughed up half the river, gasping for air, tears streaming from my eyes. The Grounder was lying in the water, his body sinking in a sea of red.

I dragged myself to the shore and collapsed on my back, enjoying the air filling my lungs. It wasn’t long before the pain from my thigh forced me to focus back on the task at hand. I sat up, groaning, and looked at the wound. It was ugly, but not as deep as I’d feared. I tore a piece of cloth from my shirt and tied it tightly around the wound, hoping it would hold until I reached camp. I only hoped no one had heard the gunshot.

Either way, I couldn’t stay there. I put the now empty gun back in the waistband of my jeans, made sure my arrows were still in my quiver and rose to my feet. The pain increased tenfold, but I ignored it and started limping towards camp. Would I even make it back in time? Maybe the Grounders wouldn’t attack right away.

The moon was high in the sky when I finally saw the wall.

‘Open the gate!’ I yelled.

There were gasps on the outside, voices shouting. The gate opened and Bellamy shot out, his eyes wide.

‘Y/N? What the hell happened to you?’

He reached me and put one of my arms around his shoulders, helping me inside.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘I tried to go faster, but I couldn’t.’

Bellamy led me in the dropship, shouting for Clarke. He forced me to sit still as Clarke inspected my leg.

‘It’s deep,’ she said. ‘The cut needs stitches.’

‘There’s no time for that,’ I said. ‘The army is coming.’

‘Did you see it?’ she asked.

I nodded.

‘There’s too many of them,’ I said. ‘About three hundred warriors, all armed, and they’ll be here by midnight. We can’t survive this.’

Clarke and Bellamy exchanged a look.

‘We have a plan,’ Bellamy told me. ‘If we give Raven enough time, she can hotwire the dropship and fire the engines. The Grounders won’t know what hit them.’

‘How much time does she need?’ I asked, wincing as Clarke poured Moonshine over my wound.

‘As long as possible.’

‘Better stitch me up fast, then,’ I smiled at Clarke.

Bellamy frowned, but didn’t say anything. I had a feeling he knew I wouldn’t stay in the dropship, no matter how hard he wanted me to. Also, he couldn’t afford to lose a fighter, even a terrible one like me.

Clarke stitched me up as fast as she could, and although my leg looked seriously messed up, at least it wasn’t bleeding. Once she was done, I went back out and joined Miller and Monroe in the north foxhole.

It wasn’t long before we heard drums. The army was there, a little after midnight, just like I’d guessed. I gripped my bow tightly, fear and adrenaline coursing through my system. Bellamy ran in with his rifle and looked around.

‘Where’s Octavia?’ he asked.

‘She left five minutes ago, right before Y/N came in,’ Miller answered. ‘Didn’t say where to. She thinks she’s a damn samurai.’

Bellamy nodded, although the worry for his sister shown on his face.

‘You see anything?’ he asked.

‘No,’ Monroe replied. ‘What the hell are they waiting for?’

‘The longer they wait, the better,’ Bellamy said. ‘This is about buying time for Raven.’

The radio suddenly crackled, Sterling’s panicked voice coming through.

‘I see them!’ he yelled. ‘They’re moving! I count one, two, three- No, wait, there’s four. I don’t know, man, there’s too damn many of them!’

We heard gunshots, the noise echoing in the dark woods.

‘Who was that?’

‘Sterling, I think,’ Miller answered. ‘South foxhole.’

‘South foxhole, report now!’ Bellamy ordered through the radio.

‘We’re okay,’ Sterling replied. ‘They didn’t attack. It’s like shooting at ghosts.’

I frowned. It didn’t make sense. Why weren’t they attacking? I exchanged a puzzled look with Bellamy, but he didn’t have any answer for me.

Suddenly, we saw a shadow shoot through the trees. Someone was running, nearly too fast for me to see.

‘There!’ Monroe said. ‘I see them!’

I didn’t shoot any arrow, knowing I wouldn’t hit anything, but Miller and Monroe both opened fire. Bellamy ordered them to stop but they kept shooting until their clips were empty.

‘We should- we should fall back,’ Monroe said, her voice shaky.

‘No,’ Bellamy replied. ‘If this position falls, they walk right to the front door.’

‘Looks like it’s up to you and me, now,’ I said grimly.

More gunshots echoed, people shouting over the radio. No one managed to hit anything, and all I could think about was how many bullets they were wasting. Something was wrong, and it was Jasper who finally figured it out.

‘All gunners, listen up,’ he said over the radio. ‘The Grounders are not attacking. They’re making us waste bullets. Don’t shoot when they’re running laterally.’

‘Jasper’s right,’ Bellamy agreed. ‘Don’t fire until you’re sure it’s attack. Repeat. Do not fire until you are sure.’

I shared a look with Bellamy. We were both aware of how many bullets we had just wasted. I still had all my arrows, but what good were they against three hundred Grounders? Our only chance was in Raven.

Suddenly, we heard yells and when I looked at the woods, I saw dozens of Grounders charging towards camp.

‘Here they come!’ Miller yelled.

I nocked an arrow, drew the string and let go. A Grounder fell, his hands grasping at his wound. I didn’t have time to watch him die. I didn’t even have time to be shocked that I had just killed another man. I shot another arrow, barely aware of my fingers moving. Beside me, Monroe ran away and I heard Miller call her name. But I had to focus. One of the Grounders was only a few yards away. I dropped my bow and grabbed my dagger, embedding it in his chest before he could impale me with his sword. But there was another one behind him and I had to jump out to evade his spear. My wounded leg couldn’t keep me upright and I crashed, my eyes wide as the Grounder took the opportunity. But before he could stab me, a machete cut his head cleaned off.

‘Octavia!’ I gasped.

She didn’t even look at me, and instead ran to Bellamy, who was pinned down by a Grounder. She made quick work of him as well.

‘Admit it,’ she said. ‘You want one.’

Bellamy chuckled, but that soon turned into a scream when an arrow embedded itself into Octavia’s thigh.

‘Miller, fall back now!’ Bellamy ordered as he helped Octavia up. ‘Y/N, you too.’

‘But Bell-’ I protested, reluctant to leave him alone.

‘Do it!’

Miller grabbed my arm and pulled me with him. It was chaos. There were bodies everywhere, and I stopped counting how many limbs I stepped on as we ran for the tunnel. We both climbed to the platform, shooting at the Grounders on the other side. Soon enough, half my arrows were gone and Miller was down to his last clip.

‘There are too many!’ Miller yelled. ‘Everybody to the dropship now!’

‘No!’ Clarke shouted. ‘We need more time. Gunners, stay at your posts. The rest of you, inside. Come on, quick.’

As people rushed inside the dropship, I focused back on killing as many Grounders as I could. Bellamy and Octavia were nowhere to be seen, and the worry ate at me more and more with each passing minute.

Suddenly, we heard an explosion but the sound was unlike any I’d ever heard. And it came from above. Uncaring of the Grounder army, I looked up. There was something falling from the sky, so bright it hurt to even look at it. The people in the camp, the Grounders, everyone stopped fighting to watch it fall.

I knew what it was. There was only one thing in space big enough make such a noise as it breached the atmosphere.

The Ark.

It broke into several parts, some exploding in bright bursts of fire. My mind was a mess of questions and wonders, but I didn’t have time to think about it. The Grounders were attacking again. But before they could reach the gate, we heard a queer whooping noise come from deep in the woods. People cheering and laughing.

‘Reapers!’ A Grounder yelled.

And then, the strangest thing happened. Another group of Grounders, somehow different from the others, appeared. The two groups stared at each other, and at once, attacked. I watched, confused, as they fought.

‘What the hell is going on?’ I muttered.

‘No idea. But hell, at least it’s buying us some time,’ Miller replied.

As it turned out, it wasn’t a lot of time. Before long, the Grounder army had slaughtered their enemies and were once again charging towards us. Arrows flew, one of them passing so close to my face it left a deep cut on my cheek. Miller was shot in the shoulder and he fell off the platform.

‘Are you okay?’ I yelled.

‘I’ve been better!’ He shouted back. ‘We have to fall back!’

‘Go! I’ll try to slow them down!’

Miller begged me to go with him but I wouldn’t listen. The Grounders had just brought horses, and were attaching ropes to the gate. They were going to destroy it. I aimed at the beasts and shot one in the eye. I reared up, shaking its head wildly and the Grounder couldn’t keep old of it. It ran off into the woods.

I was so focused on the horses, I didn’t see the ladder until a Grounder launched itself at me. We fell backwards off the platform and I landed on the ground, the impact forcing the air out of my lungs. The fall had torn off my stitches and I could feel the blood dampening my jeans. I grabbed an arrow and stabbed the Grounder in the neck, shoving him off me.

But when I looked back at the dropship, all I saw was the door seal shut. They were going to fire the engines, and I knew without a doubt that if I stayed here, I would die. The Grounders rushed in, banging against the metal and I tried to get up but my leg wasn’t strong enough to hold my weight.

With tears of fear and pain running down my face, I crawled to the tunnel, desperate to reach it. I had just managed to get inside when I heard an explosion, and all I could see as I turned my head was fire rushing towards me. I wasn’t far enough. I would burn, just like the Grounders. In a last ditch-attempt to save my life, I kicked at the beam supporting the tunnel.

The passage collapsed on me, tons of dirt and rocks burying me alive. I could feel myself losing consciousness, and I wondered if I would ever open my eyes again.

**Author's Note:**

> More on my tumblr: https://kalliria.tumblr.com/


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